Eps 524: Insights on being a young adult with Rowan O’Roarty

What does joyful courage mean to you

 

Joyful courage means looking at your rent charges and when they’re wrong, emailing the property management company, and responding to their emails.  Joyful courage, as an almost 22 year old, means emailing your property management.  Adulting!  And I did it. 

 

Resources

Joyful Courage Episode 252: An Honest Conversation with Rowan About Her Journey of Mental Health and Self Discovery 

Joyful Courage Episode 306: Rowan’s Year In Review, Tattoos, and Tinder

Joyful Courage Episode 411: Adulting update with my girl Rowan 

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Transcription

SUMMARY KEYWORDS
positive discipline, conscious parenting, teen mental health, seasonal depression, ADHD diagnosis, college journey, dermatology passion, skin care, esthetician school, mental health, parental support, generational differences, joyful courage, adulting, emotional vulnerability
SPEAKERS
Rowan O'Roarty, Casey O'Roarty, Theme Music

Theme Music 00:00
[Music]

Casey O'Roarty 00:04
Hello, welcome back. Welcome to the joyful courage podcast, a place for inspiration and transformation as we work to keep it together while parenting our tweens and teens, this is real work, people, and when we can focus on our own growth and nurturing the connection with our kids, we can move through the turbulence in a way that allows for relationships to remain intact. My name is Casey o'rourdy. I am your fearless host. I'm a positive discipline trainer, space holder, coach and the adolescent lead at sproutable. Also mama to a 20 year old daughter and a 17 year old son. I am walking right beside you on the path of raising our kids with positive discipline and conscious parenting. This show is meant to be a resource to you, and I work really hard to keep it really, real, transparent and authentic, so that you feel seen and supported. Today is a solo show, and I'm confident that what I share will be useful to you. Please don't forget, sharing truly is caring if you love today's show, please, please pass the link around, snap a screenshot, post it on your socials, or text it to your friends. Together, we can make an even bigger impact on families around the globe. If you're feeling extra special, you can rate and review us over in Apple podcasts. I'm so glad that you're here. Welcome, welcome, welcome. Enjoy the show.

Casey O'Roarty 01:34
All right. Hey everybody. Welcome back to the podcast. I am real excited about my guest today, and I have a feeling you're gonna be excited too, because my guest is my daughter, Rowan overdy cheers from the crowd. She is amazing, and she's on to give an update on her life, and just to recap, this is the bio she wrote for herself in 2019 she quit high school at 16, got her GED, went to Beauty School, became a licensed aesthetician. At 18, works in a spa, offering facials and full body waxing. Her passion for skin care and health has motivated her to pursue a career as a doctor, and now she continues to work as an esthetician, while going to school full time as a pre med student. And how cool and awesome is she?

Rowan O'Roarty 02:33
She's super cow awesome. I think. Hello, it's Rowan.

Casey O'Roarty 02:38
Welcome back to the podcast, babe.

Rowan O'Roarty 02:40
Thank you. Hello.

Casey O'Roarty 02:41
Hello. I'm so happy. And everyone I record on Zoom, so I also get to look at Rowan while we're talking, and it's real fun for me. Thank you so much for coming back on the podcast. Your fans have been missing you.

Rowan O'Roarty 02:55
Well, I've been missing my fans,

Casey O'Roarty 03:00
some people, some of you listeners, have been paying attention for a long time and heard Rowan the first time she came on, way back in 2020 and have shared that you're glad when she comes on to give updates. So I'm curious Rowan, because you said to me, Hey mom, I think it's time for an update. What prompted that?

Rowan O'Roarty 03:22
Yeah, so I am on Facebook. I am in your joyful courage parents of teens group, and sometimes I just go on Facebook and live my life while scrolling on Facebook. I don't know, I just scroll on Facebook and I get sucked in. And I was like, in the group, and I was like, reading people's posts, and I saw that you had responded to someone asking for advice about their teenager, and you had responded with some advice. And then, like, linked the episode from 2020 and I thought to myself, Oh, I haven't listened to this in a while. I'm gonna listen to it. And I listened to it, and I was like, Oh, wow,

Casey O'Roarty 04:09
that was four years ago. Yeah, you were 17 in that episode years ago.

Rowan O'Roarty 04:14
Yeah, that's insane. And like,

Casey O'Roarty 04:20
how did it feel to listen to yourself talk about where you were at?

Rowan O'Roarty 04:24
It was strange, because I was really I've been really disassociated from my life. I feel like the past while, like the past few years sometimes, and listening to me, my 17 year old self, verbalize what I'm feeling like that was crazy, because I can't do that very easily.

Casey O'Roarty 04:54
So you disassociated from your life. Do you mean you've just kind of released that? Period of time that was so hard, like you're just Yeah, they've moved on from that epic, kind of intense few years, 2019,

Rowan O'Roarty 05:10
so I feel like I have blocked it kind of and so listening to myself talk about it, definitely it was like, oh yeah. That was me, it's

Rowan O'Roarty 05:20
intense. That was me,

Rowan O'Roarty 05:21
and I lived through that, and also hearing myself explain how I'm feeling like it just kind of like, shocked me.

Casey O'Roarty 05:33
It shocked you because of how you articulated it, like how clear you were about it, or just remembering that that's how you felt in that moment. What was shocking, where

Rowan O'Roarty 05:44
I was about it, like, how much I was able to describe it, because it's, yeah, hard to describe these emotions that don't feel like emotions, they feel like they're part of you. So it's hard to, like, pick it apart and kind of like, let someone in on how it's feeling. But I did, I don't know how I just talked. I just talked Yeah, and I was like, Oh my god. 17 year old girl, like, yeah, yeah,

Casey O'Roarty 06:15
yeah. You, you know, I started re listening to it. I couldn't make it through. I made it through like half, and then I had to turn it off, because it was so heartbreaking to think back to listen to, because you did. You did such an epic job of describing your experience, which is why that particular episode continues to get so much feedback, because you were like a window that allowed parents to see inside of one particular kid's experience of mental health. Yeah, and I know that you're always very clear about that was your experience, and you don't speak for all the teens going through that, but I feel like that conversation gave a lifeline to a lot of people who had kids that weren't able to express, or didn't want to express, what was happening. And, yeah, it was really amazing. And for everyone that's listening who hasn't heard it, it's episode 252, and we're not going to go deep into that, because they can listen to that episode. But yeah, you've moved through a lot in the last five, six years. Yeah. And I'm also so proud. I was so proud listening to it because you were sharing your experience, and you were also really candid about how you were experiencing me at that time. And I was proud of both of us for being willing to come on this platform, right and to really be real and transparent about the experience that we're continuing to move through, you know? So, yeah, go us,

Rowan O'Roarty 07:46
go us,

Casey O'Roarty 07:47
go us, go us. And then you came back on about a year later, and you shared about esthetician school. You'd gone to esthetician school. You were fighting your feet. You were 18, and again, super candid and real about how you were experiencing the world, you would just quit your quick, down and dirty job at the eye doctor office. Yeah. What do you remember about that time? Because it was right. It was pre spa, but post this 40 hour a week experience,

Rowan O'Roarty 08:20
yeah, I remember old, wet darkness.

Casey O'Roarty 08:28
Tell me more.

Rowan O'Roarty 08:29
That's how I remember that time. First of all, it was winter, yeah. Second of all, I am diagnosed with seasonal depression. So there was it was the season for it like, because when seasonal depression comes, it's not just like, Oh, I'm still depressed. It's like, on top of what I already deal with, like, constantly, kind of, yeah, oh, like, double whammy, yeah. And the winter is a hard time for me, man. And so is I get this idea of like time and career and working, and I get really anxious and my feelings are very caught up about career stuff and working in time. Yeah, and

Casey O'Roarty 09:16
you talk about that, actually, on that episode, you talk about, God, I'm 18, but you know, should I know what I want? Yeah, a five year plan and yeah, really, like in the flux of that, but also aware, like there was, it seemed like you also had this outside observer seeing yourself inside of the back and forth of that as you spoke to me about it, I thought that was really interesting, and I noticed that in our conversation, because I re listened, yeah, and then time went on. Time Three years later, yeah, time went on. You came back on about a year and a half later. Yeah, you'd been at the spa now for, at that point, for over a year. Over a year, you'd been living on your own for about six months, you were feeling out, you know, real adulthood on your own. And that was a really fun conversation to re listen to as well, because I could hear the pride that you had in being on your own.

Rowan O'Roarty 10:18
I know I'm so new.

Casey O'Roarty 10:20
You are a baby adult. It's I know what

Rowan O'Roarty 10:23
I know. And listening to that just like, that's why I thought it had been for context. I thought they had been more than a year since I had last came on the podcast. So when I listened to that, and I realized it was only a year ago, that's why I'm like, Oh, that's so weird, because I feel like I've lived, like, five years in the past year. I like, I don't really like resonate with myself even from a year ago. Yeah. So it was interesting. It was interesting to refresh on that,

Casey O'Roarty 11:00
yeah. Yeah. I mean, and a lot has happened in the last year, I think, really narrowed in on what you want. Yeah, you are killing it at school. Thank you. Thank you. And not only are you killing it at school, you seem like you love school. Thank you. You're really enjoying learning

Rowan O'Roarty 11:21
I love it. I feel so blessed and grateful that I'm able, that I'm that I can be in school, that I like it. I feel blessed that I like what I'm learning, even I thought going back to college would be slow and tedious because the classes weren't pertaining to exactly what I was gonna be doing in like a work setting. And I've really changed my mindset a lot, because obviously going to school to be a doctor is a long process, and if I actually want to attain my goal, I have to change the mindset so time will pass anyways. Yeah,

Casey O'Roarty 12:11
is cute when you're like Mom, it can either be 10 years from now and I'll be just living my life, or it'll be 10 years from now and I'll be a doctor. Yep, right, and, yeah, and you, you kind of meandered you for a hot second. You were like, maybe nursing school so that you can be a, what is it called a master esthetician or a,

Rowan O'Roarty 12:32
that's not why, but, yeah, yeah, a master. I was, like, I was the camping and nurse practitioner, okay, yeah, which could be like injections and,

Casey O'Roarty 12:42
right, yeah, yeah, and the beauty and still in the beauty space, yeah. Then

Rowan O'Roarty 12:46
it was ultrasound tech. I was into that for a while. Then it was mortician medical, medical, Dr G,

Casey O'Roarty 12:58
which felt very dark. God. But my favorite thing is that still on the table, you were so funny when you're like, Mom, imagine everyone standing around the morgue waiting for the medical examiner. I imagine you as you say this, like flipping your beautiful red hair and saying, yeah, and in I walk, like,

Rowan O'Roarty 13:21
and I walk, and they're like, who are you? And I'm like, Who's that? I'm here to inspect the body. Oh, no, I want to be a dermatologist. No, yeah. My god, yeah. Well, the

Casey O'Roarty 13:34
cool thing about that is, like it felt like there was some freedom there, because in our last episode, or maybe it was the one before you talk about feeling stuck in your ideas, like all of a sudden you have one idea, and that's the idea, and you have to do that thing. And it's been cool to watch the evolution of you finding your way now towards this dream of being a dermatologist and recognizing that, you know, it's also been really amazing to watch you as a college student learn how to be a like high level college student, because you are not taking easy classes. I mean anatomy and physiology, one, two and 312, and three, where they're three, one and two, but just one and two were no joke, yeah, and you figured out through trial, your own trial and error, what you needed to be, the student that you wanted to be, that you know you have to be if you're planning on applying to medical school.

Rowan O'Roarty 14:38
Yeah, because you can't just hope. You can't just hope you I like, if I want to, like, accomplish this, I have things I need to do, and I realized that in the last year, like, especially once I started fall quarter last year, that was my first anatomy class, and I was derailed. It was crazy. And I really. I need to lock in if I want to accomplish this, if not whatever, right? But if I want to actually accomplish this goal that I've set, that I've talked about, to people I love, to strangers, to everyone, I need to get my shit done, and I need to do it well, yeah, and it's been interesting learning how to be a college student. Yeah. Talk about that. Yeah. I mean, I've never had to study in my life before. This past year, I've never even, I mean, for the esthetics board exams, I studied the morning of the day before. I've never had, I've never had a scenario where I need to spend 40 hours a week minimum, fully immersed in a textbook in order, barely past the class, and I didn't know how, I didn't know how to retain information, I didn't know How to quiz myself, or I didn't know how and it was frustrating. How

Casey O'Roarty 16:05
did you learn?

Rowan O'Roarty 16:06
Well, trial and error, I was also diagnosed with ADHD last November, and getting on meds for that severely helped my academics. So, like, immensely,

Casey O'Roarty 16:23
yeah, and you've described it to me, but will you like, what's the difference between not having those meds and having those meds? What happens to your experience internally on those meds?

Rowan O'Roarty 16:35
It's like, I'm pressing play when I take the meds versus when I was unmedicated, it was I would have all of these things that I wanted to do with my day, right? Or I would be sitting here and thinking, oh, I need to get this done. I need to do this. I should do this, and then being stuck, not being able to move, not being able to just start something, and with the meds, it's like, I don't pause, which that sounds like a crazy but like, not in a, not in a frantic way. No, not frantic, yeah, yeah. But like, I don't hesitate, yeah, I don't know. It's helped a lot.

Casey O'Roarty 17:22
Yeah. Will you talk a little bit about, I mean, because that was all you, and that's something that I've noticed about you, especially in the last year, is just, there's been so many things that have come up that there's a little part of me that is like, How can I help her? How can I fix this? I'll write the email, I'll do the things and like, that is not my job. Yeah, and you, you know, you went to the doctor and you said, Here's what I think. I mean, you really walked that path for yourself and even your mental health stuff. You know, when you feel like it's time to increase a dose or decrease a dose, or even go back to therapy or stop therapy, like, I mean, you're really so autonomous with living your life, and it's awesome.

Rowan O'Roarty 18:12
Thank you. Yeah, I know a lot of women around me that have ADHD diagnoses, and I would spend a lot of time with them and just kind of talk about stuff or like, what's going on with me, blah, blah. And they would be like, oh, you know, that sounds a lot like inattentive ad, like, you should just go get tested. Doesn't hurt I was like, Oh no, I'm gonna Yeah. Did it hurt me? No, did it help me? Yes,

Casey O'Roarty 18:49
yeah, yeah. And having the wherewithal to follow through on that, I think, is a testament just to your ongoing maturity and development. So

Rowan O'Roarty 18:59
because i It's me now it's me, Yeah, nobody's gonna know how to help me, but, but me, yeah, yeah. Just something that's been weird to come to terms

Casey O'Roarty 19:11
with. Yeah. And you're 21 years old near me, 22 in a couple of months.

Rowan O'Roarty 19:16
Yeah, I'm like, almost done with 21 you're

Casey O'Roarty 19:20
almost done with 21 I saw something on Instagram. It keeps coming up that's like, Listen, if you're 22 years old, that means you're two years out of being a teenager, which means you're a two year old adult, like, and it really was about like, don't worry about being in your 20s and not having everything together. I might have even sent this to you, actually, because you're a baby adult, you're like, You're like an emerging adult through your 20s. And you know, it's not a message of be irresponsible and don't care, but it is a message of be, you know, compassionate with yourself and and love yourself for where you are. Right now

Rowan O'Roarty 20:00
absolutely like, be who you are. That's how I see. That is I feel like, when we feel the pressure of whatever, the pressure of being an early adult, the pressure of whatever it is, it's not the ideas aren't coming from us, they're coming from external sources.

Casey O'Roarty 20:20
Yeah, to me, it's like, so tend to the internal because that's really what happens,

Rowan O'Roarty 20:24
yeah, yeah, yeah, and yeah, and everybody, like, nobody cares if you're behind or ahead. Like, you don't get a cookie for being ahead. You don't, you don't get put in jail for being behind. Nobody cares. Yeah, give yourself grace.

Casey O'Roarty 20:41
Well, when I think about and I observe you in your college journey, your education journey right now, it just to me, is such a testament to how well people do in that setting, when they're ready and wanting to be in that setting, absolutely. I mean, it's really inspiring. You're such a different college student than I was, however, you know, it eventually, when I did go back for education and teaching, I was a committed student. But, you know, going straight out of high school into college was, well, we know how it was for me. It was, you know, college was my side hustle. There was no like, I've got to figure out how to do this, because it's what I want to eventually do. And tell me about your inspiration for dermatology, because I love

Rowan O'Roarty 21:28
this. Well, I love skin. Ever since being an aesthetician, like I spent some time not knowing if I wanted to go into the field of esthetics, just not for the being an Aesthetician part, but for the logistical work stuff. But ever since going to esthetic school, I've fallen in love with skincare and skin health, mostly sunscreen, no tanning beds, and I see quite a few clients at my work come in with some really questionable advice that they've gotten from dermatologists, and it's made me want to be kind of this more Well Rounded dermatologist, versus having a strictly medical view on things I have this kind of it's not holistic, but it's the bigger picture. And the clients that I'm seeing are coming in with their DERM prescribing them these acids that are very, very harsh and that they don't get proper instruction for which is concerning to me. Just knowing what I know about what I know, which is products and how certain ingredients work on the skin, it makes me want to be better than

Casey O'Roarty 22:54
the doctors, or it's pretty amazing.

Rowan O'Roarty 22:57
I want to be a freaking better doctor than everyone. Basically, that's, I want to be the best dermatologist ever.

Casey O'Roarty 23:04
I love that. I love that. And it's, you know, in service, right, in service to people, and in service to their health and how they feel in their bodies. And I know you've had your own journey about, you know, how you feel in your skin, and I think that that's going to bring such a more expansive experience for the people that end up in your office, it's really exciting to watch you walk this path and to see your passion around it. I like dermatology better than medical examiner, although I'm sure you would come home with some pretty wild stories if you were the medical examiner.

Rowan O'Roarty 23:36
I already do, and you guys don't let me talk about what I see you. Guess we do? What

Casey O'Roarty 23:41
are you talking about? Like, what extractions? Yeah, see, that's what I'm talking about. Mostly it's because my passion. So for anyone who doesn't know what an extraction is, can you explain what it is? Rowan,

Rowan O'Roarty 23:53
yes, an extraction is a procedure where you get gunk out of the pores, basically, blackheads, Whitehead, right? Yes, but, yeah, but like, they're not pop pores,

Casey O'Roarty 24:08
no, so, owie, I

Rowan O'Roarty 24:10
don't like the word pop. Okay, you're the only one that thinks that. Let's air this out on the pod. Okay,

Casey O'Roarty 24:16
let's do it. Let's do it.

Rowan O'Roarty 24:18
He will barely let me touch her pores, four extractions without wine, okay,

Casey O'Roarty 24:25
this is my experience. The tool that you use is this little metal thing with a little hole at the end, and you push down on the pores so that the gunk comes out. And it hurts. It hurts me, and so I whine about it. And guess what you are, my daughter and my esthetician. So I get to be a little bit extra whiny. Okay,

Rowan O'Roarty 24:47
you just described how I do an extraction, and then you said, then I wind up. It's

Casey O'Roarty 24:52
true. I'm not arguing with you that I'm the worst person to get an extraction too.

Rowan O'Roarty 24:58
It's okay. You did good long time. You did really. Good. Thank you. Thank you. But they're my favorite part of facials, yeah, because you see the most results, so you have to get it. Sure. It's satisfying. It's so satisfying for you. People are like, Oh, I'm so sorry. You have to do this. And I'll be like, girl, don't be I live for the I dream about it. I think about the extractions I did that day before I go to bed, I tell people that, like, really, I'm like, Yes, I'm a freak. Just carry on, yeah,

Casey O'Roarty 25:28
yeah. I'm passionate. You are, you are, and I love that for you, where do you think you've grown the most in the last year? Being on your own, being in school, being a working woman, that you are, relationships that you have, I love that you've got some sweet friends. Where do you think you've grown the most? Probably

Rowan O'Roarty 25:47
in just discipline. To be honest, I have to go to work to pay my rent. I have to go to school to get good grades. A couple years ago, it wasn't even feasible, like discipline wasn't a thing for me. Discipline has never been a thing for me. I've had motivation. I'm really great at motivation, but that comes and goes a lot, a lot, and there's some things that have to happen every single week for me to be where I am, and I think that recently, like, kind of over the past. Well, how long have I been in this apartment? I feel like since moving into this apartment, March, in March, yeah, podcast, people, this is my first apartment all alone. I love my studio. Now, I had roommates before, so now it's me, me spread out. It's the essence of me covering this apartment. It's just me, yeah, and so, you know, I can't just not do anything and hope that something changes. I can't just sit on my couch all day and want my homework to get done, or think about my homework getting done, or I can't call out of work because I'm tired or because my cramps really hurt, or because I'm sad or because I'm anxious, because I can't afford that. I can't I gotta go, I gotta do my homework. I gotta go to class. And if I want to be the person that I want to be, I need to actually act and not think about acting, which is where the ADHD diagnosis changed my life. Like, let's talk about that some more, because it changed my life. Yeah.

Casey O'Roarty 27:58
And I'll be honest, when you first brought it up, I was like, what I mean? Yeah, you were like, I don't think so later. Yeah, good news for you. You were an adult, and you could be like, well, guess what? I'm going, Well, I had to figure it out. Yeah,

Rowan O'Roarty 28:10
I did. I was like, Well, okay, but I'm going anyways, yeah, yeah. It's like, I'm able to live my life now, instead of thinking about living my life or planning to live my life, because if it had kept going on like that, I would have been planning to live forever. You know,

Casey O'Roarty 28:30
do you think that the ADHD had a role in those early high school years and how you were feeling?

Rowan O'Roarty 28:38
No, because that was more about emotion. I feel like that ADHD stuff for me is more about kind of applying myself, if that makes sense. And when I was struggling, it was more just like despair and anxiety and yeah, I mean, because I didn't really have anything to do,

Casey O'Roarty 29:00
well, like, your freshman year of high school was pretty chaotic for you.

Rowan O'Roarty 29:07
Yeah, I don't know what was happening that you know what? If I had gone to brain scan during that time, it would have been off the charts. Off

Casey O'Roarty 29:14
The Charts. What? Off The Charts.

Rowan O'Roarty 29:17
Little aliens in my brain running around and crying. Oh, that was

Casey O'Roarty 29:22
a rough year for us, wasn't it? Oh, man, yeah, it

Rowan O'Roarty 29:25
was so rough that I considered homeschooling. I

Casey O'Roarty 29:28
know, well, I mean, you kind of did you kind of did it all, yeah, I mean, and I talk a lot here and with my clients about, you know, one being like every moment is a snapshot of time, and you're not gonna live inside of that snapshot forever, right? So there's that piece, and a lot of people that are listening are really in that hard place that we were in not so long ago, that you were in, and I was witnessing and loving you through. And then there's all. Also this reminder that so much of the human experience and the growth happens through life unfolding, right? Yeah,

Rowan O'Roarty 30:13
isn't that crazy? You don't realize, yeah, like you don't realize you're in the thick of it till it's over, right? Or you don't realize the lessons learned until after.

Casey O'Roarty 30:24
And the idea that you know, and I think it comes from a good place everyone I know it comes from a good place. You know you care about and you love your kids so much that you want to just tell them how to avoid and what to do and how to make it easier. We want to just tell you guys like, let me just bestow my wisdom on you, but the reality is, what really becomes embodied for you is what you learn through experience.

Rowan O'Roarty 30:55
Yeah, because do you want your kid to just listen? Well, yes

Casey O'Roarty 31:00
the answer is yes, please.

Rowan O'Roarty 31:03
But if you're like, if your kid, like, you know you're telling them, oh, wait, what would you tell? Well, like,

Casey O'Roarty 31:10
don't do drugs, and like, apply yourself, and you're gonna want to make sure that you know you're doing X, Y, Z, like, there's so much that we want to help you avoid. And I think that adults forget that the learning isn't in avoiding what's hard, the learning is living through what's hard and learning from it. Yeah,

Rowan O'Roarty 31:34
or else you're like, wary of that. It's

Casey O'Roarty 31:38
just such a more powerful way to learn when you are accruing experiences, and

Rowan O'Roarty 31:42
then you're doing it for you. You're living through that stuff for you, and you know that you can Yeah, well, and

Casey O'Roarty 31:49
I also think about and something that I've been reminding parents of, and this is tricky, but you know, when our kids are going through a hard time, how we respond during that hard time influences the relationship that we have later. Yeah, right. And as scary as it was, and yes, I made a lot of mistakes, and I had a lot of my own issues to work through as you moved through your hard time. You know, I think about the fact that your dad and I showed up in a way that now things feel good to you and you want to hang out with us. You want to talk to us. Do I text too much? Because that was something you brought up on the last podcast. Was rain in the text,

Rowan O'Roarty 32:33
yeah. Now it's like radio silence, like it.

Casey O'Roarty 32:37
I know you said you

Rowan O'Roarty 32:38
just sent me pictures of you and the gene outfit

Casey O'Roarty 32:41
I looked great response to me having a bad day. I'm like, Look at me living my best life.

Rowan O'Roarty 32:50
Totally rocking it, right? Oh yeah, yeah. I remember being 16, and like Dad said something to me that broke my heart, and he was crying, and he was telling me how he was terrified for me, and I think seeing the raw emotion from you and dad during that time and just I don't know if it's because I am a very feely person of people's emotions. I can feel them, but it felt like it tethered me to you guys during that time, you being vulnerable and because as a teenager, as a kid, you don't see your parents as humans. You see them as your parents. You don't see them as adults that have a kid that's suffering, that they're in agony for. And so I feel like you and dad showing me that vulnerable side and being really candid with me kind of pulled back the curtains and it was like, I'm hurting people, and I should get some help. If I can't help myself, I should get some help, because, yes, I'm hurting but and I'm also witnessing my parents, yeah, virtually being dragged with me, literally, yeah, so

Casey O'Roarty 34:20
dragged me kicking and screaming, not literally, no, not literally. I thought I was gonna have to drag you a few times, but literally, literally. And it's interesting, Rowan, because we talked about this, I feel like in that first episode, and you talked about our concern being added weight to the experience you were having, and I think it's so cool to you, like, as you continue to have ever more perspective, yeah, and maybe there's a both and there, like, yeah, it wasn't no,

Rowan O'Roarty 34:50
my perspective has completely changed. Really, I totally forgot that. That's how I felt. Yeah. My perspective has completely changed because looking back on it. Yeah, okay. I don't reflect on this stuff ever. I'm kind of having like, a lot of buffering moments here, of like, my brain not really catching up. I feel like I've shut this out for a while. Is it okay that we're talking about it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But see, it's like, I can't that's okay, yeah? Definitely, that conversation with that made an impact. Yeah, it was a conversation about my eating,

Casey O'Roarty 35:30
yeah, which we haven't talked a lot about before. No, we don't need

Rowan O'Roarty 35:35
to. It was kind of the first time one of you was like, We know. We see it like it's not just okay, and it's not just chill. It's like Dad said something, like, they're like, withering away. And he had, you know, he was sobbing, and he had tears going down his face, and I was sobbing, and in the moment, I felt like a husk of a person, and so empty and dark. And looking back, when I think about that interaction and that conversation, I see myself be filled with hope because somebody sees me suffering.

Casey O'Roarty 36:19
That's super profound, babe, yeah, that was a hard that was, I mean, that's 2019 right there. Fall of 2019 really, really, yeah, yeah, which makes me even more grateful for your relationship with your body and with food and your mental health and like you talked about discipline, and how discipline is kind of filtered into all the different places of your life. Yeah, yeah. So at nearly 22 having been through what you've been through, being the baby adult that you are, what would you say that you wish my generation of parents understood better. If anything, I

Rowan O'Roarty 37:03
feel like the first thing that comes to my mind is not everything is so serious. I feel like my generation is very, extremely un serious, and a lot of times that can come across as ignorant or lacking or not taking things seriously. But I feel like those are two different things, not taking things seriously versus everything is so serious. And I just think that we're feeling these freaking effects of global warming a lot, and I've been thinking about that a lot. And you know, my generation is kind of like my grandkids will probably be the last ones.

Casey O'Roarty 37:44
Do you think? Haven't you seen interstellar we're all gonna be living on corn one day. We're

Rowan O'Roarty 37:49
not the rich people are. Well, yeah, yeah, conspiracies, we won't get into that. But I would just say, like my generation just wants to find the joy in life. I say it like that because, like we're trying, we're trying to find the joy in life, and so many of us can't find it, and so we joke or we laugh or we cry, or we make crazy mistakes to try to find what we're looking for in our lives. And I guess I just wish that your generation understood that yeah, and every generation needs to find themselves,

Casey O'Roarty 38:37
yeah, you know, and have the space to do it. When I hear you talk about that, it reminds me just of, like, what I try to do myself, right? Because listeners, I'm on the path. I'm not like, She's

Rowan O'Roarty 38:49
not perfect. You guys are perfect, okay?

Casey O'Roarty 38:52
But what I try to do, and I invite others to do, is to trust you, like, trust that you're going to find your way to joy, trust that you're going to find your way to discipline, to passion. Like

Rowan O'Roarty 39:06
the alternative is that you don't, and who won't feel like that? Yeah, I've felt like that for a very long time, and it's not a good place to be. It's not productive.

Casey O'Roarty 39:18
It's not productive. Rowie, I love you so much.

Rowan O'Roarty 39:23
I love you.

Casey O'Roarty 39:23
I'm so glad that you came on again full transparency in the raw realness that you always bring you. Don't tend to want to bullshit anyone ever. So what do I expect? Love it. I'm so real, so real. Dad, you're so real. Is there anything else you want to leave listeners with before I wrap it up?

Rowan O'Roarty 39:43
I don't think so. That's okay. Okay.

Casey O'Roarty 39:47
What does joyful courage mean to you as a almost 22 year old?

Rowan O'Roarty 39:51
Joyful courage as an almost 22 year old means emailing your property management. That means adulting. Yeah. Yes, and I did it, do it,

Casey O'Roarty 40:01
I did that so hard. Did it so hard? Thank you so much, rowie, I love you.

Rowan O'Roarty 40:06
Love you. Bye.

Casey O'Roarty 40:07
Bye.

Casey O'Roarty 40:15
Thank you so much for listening in today. Thank you to my sproutable partners, as well as Chris Mann and the team at pod shaper for all the support with getting the show out there and making it sound good, check out our offers for parents with kids of all ages, and sign up for our newsletter to stay [email protected] tune back in later this week for our Thursday show, and I'll be back with another interview next Monday. Peace,

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