Eps 510: Somatic tools for our nervous system with Katie Connolly

What does joyful courage mean to you

 

“That really resonates with the glow within, I think.  To me, it’s finding that spark within you and having the courage to show up authentically as you.”  – Katie 

 

“It’s really letting go of outcome and being in process.  That’s what it is for me in this moment.”  – Casey

 

Resources

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Katie’s Website – gloWithin

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Transcription

SUMMARY KEYWORDS
experience, children, craniosacral, mom, body, breath, nervous system, feel, sympathetic, connected, somatic, parents, work, nourish, people, meditation, important, activated, katie, space
SPEAKERS
Katie Connolly, Casey O'Roarty

Casey O'Roarty 00:02
Hey, welcome to the Joyful Courage Podcast, a place for inspiration and transformation as we try and keep it together while parenting our tweens and teens. This is real work, people, and when we can focus on our own growth and nurturing the connection with our kids, we can move through the turbulence in a way that allows for relationships to remain intact. My name is Casey O'Roarty. I am your fearless host. I'm a positive discipline trainer, space holder coach and the adolescent lead at Sproutable. I am also the mama to a 20 year old daughter and 17 year old son walking right beside you on this path of raising our kids with positive discipline and conscious parenting. This show is meant to be a resource to you, and I work really hard to keep it real, transparent and authentic, so that you feel seen and supported. Today is an interview, and I have no doubt that what you hear will be useful to you. Please don't forget, sharing truly is caring. If you love today's show, please pass the link around, snap a screenshot, post it on your socials, or text it to your friends. Together, we can make an even bigger impact on families all around the globe. I'm so glad that you're here. Enjoy the show.

Casey O'Roarty 01:17
Hi everybody. Welcome back to the podcast. My guest today is Katie Connolly. Katie was given the gift of breath work and meditation as a child and discovered somatic tools to move through experiences as they happened. She attributes this to her resilience. Has been sharing these tools with others for over 12 years to promote well being within and end unhealthy systemic patterns. Katie is an expert, registered yoga teacher, craniosacral practitioner, founded a children's yoga school, speaker and a Masters of counseling candidate. Katie has received many awards, which include the mom's Choice Award for her children's yoga cards. I'm so excited to have her on the show. Hi Katie. Welcome to the podcast.

Katie Connolly 02:11
Thank you for having me. I'm excited to be here too.

Casey O'Roarty 02:13
Yeah, will you start off with sharing about how you found yourself doing what you do? Yeah,

Katie Connolly 02:21
that's kind of a big one. I honestly, I feel like I was called to do this since I was a child. I obviously kind of fought that in a way. I went to do my business school, and I actually graduated with my undergrad in international business. But through experiences, I found my way back. And yeah, I just like having been given those gifts and these tools as a child, I really recognize that I needed to be able to give these simple tools back to parents and educators, because we all have access to breath. So yeah, they're just, they're tools that we can practice anytime, anywhere, and I feel like we need it so badly now, yeah, yeah. How were you

Casey O'Roarty 03:05
given those tools? Talk about you were a child given breath work and meditation. What does that mean? Yes, that means my mom taught me. Okay, you had a hippie. You had a hippie mom. No,

Katie Connolly 03:17
she's a princess. Oh, there you go. Right. Wow. I

Casey O'Roarty 03:22
didn't see that coming, right?

Katie Connolly 03:23
But a very wise mom and she actually, it's funny because she actually learned from my dad's mom, who was definitely a hippie, but she was working for a doctor in the 70s who was teaching meditation to men who had recently had vasectomies, oh, and so he studied meditation quite thoroughly, and was like, yeah, anyways, he was quite advanced, or a pioneer in that regard.

Casey O'Roarty 03:53
Those poor men in their vasectomies, they really needed a meditation practice. Like, that's what's going on in my head right now. Oh, I

Katie Connolly 04:00
know, right? It's a funny story that's very

Casey O'Roarty 04:02
patriarchal.

Katie Connolly 04:05
I know. I think it's quite funny anyway, so it's come along or around, yeah, yeah, criminal side, yeah, which I think is really kind of, that's also funny, yeah, right, yeah, well, and

Casey O'Roarty 04:16
it speaks to, I mean, it's like mindfulness meditation. I know that it kind of is a little catch Freezy right now, but it's real, right like it's important, it makes an impact. And I'm really excited to talk to you and about where we're going, because we all have breath, we all have a nervous system connecting the dots around how we be in the world and how we feel inside of our body is so powerful. And you are a somatic parent coach, and I'm a parent coach, and so I would love to know what it means to be a somatic parent coach. How do you work with clients?

Katie Connolly 04:58
Yeah, so it's in a number of. Different ways. I usually work with mom first, because I'm a mom, and as moms, we set the emotional tone for the family usually, and our children begin co regulating with us at six weeks in utero. So we play a very important role in helping our children develop a healthy nervous system baseline how they perceive the world around them and how they understand themselves. So, yeah, it's really working with mom first to see how safe she feels in her body, which is a really interesting concept, sort of where her nervous system baseline is and understanding the family dynamic. So it's different with each child, obviously. I mean, I believe that our children came to us to learn symbiotically, right? Like, we're growing with our children, which I think is really important to remember, particularly when we're facing challenging moments like, okay, let's step back here. Yeah, let's just take a moment and a breather and think about this situation or challenge, maybe from a more objective standpoint, which can be hard. And I totally understand that. And it's really hard when we have all of these expectations on ourselves, what they should, would, etc, and we don't have time or make time to nourish ourselves, right? We're just like trying to take along, rather than being fully present and able to support our children. So it's tricky, so I do it in a number of different ways, sort of going back to one of your earlier questions. So when I was I guess I was about seven, I went through my maternal grandma's yoga books after dinner, and that's when I started to be like, Oh, I can release anxiety in my chest by doing a back bend. So that was sort of, I guess, the beginning of some of my somatic work in understanding the experiences in my body and how I could move through the experiences, in addition to the breath and the meditation or mindfulness tools. And like I remember in bed as a child, I used to I would feel my hands growing, so like the energy from my hands growing, and that is a big part of craniosacral not not growing your hands, yeah, talk about that energy. Using that energy, I was awakened, I guess.

Casey O'Roarty 07:27
Listen, before you go on, Katie, you can get as woo, woo as you want. Here. This is a safe space, okay? So just say it like it is. Say it how it makes sense for you. I am here for it,

Katie Connolly 07:39
right? And this is why I work with highly sensitive parents and parents of highly sensitive and neurodivergent children, because they get this right, yeah, or they're trying to understand it. They might not have connected to the experience yet, but this maybe their child is their awakening or reconnection to this experience. And so I was able to stay connected to this experience more or less throughout my life. Obviously, there were little blips when I was dealing with my own trauma, etc, but it's so powerful to be able to help children stay connected to their intuition and their bodies, and to understand like these bizarre experiences that happen within our bodies, like going out of body, how to stay embodied? Yeah, and the safety connected with that understanding body autonomy, it just all these more subtle experiences that aren't often talked about but have such like they're so important to the trajectory of someone's life. Well, then

Casey O'Roarty 08:44
I think about our teenagers, and I think about their mental health as a collective and I think about how often I hear things like disassociation and self harm as coping mechanisms, and when you put it in the context of our relationship with our body, right, and how we are experiencing our body, I think it's a really fascinating it just a lens to look at it through.

Katie Connolly 09:14
Yeah, there's a lot of I feel like since covid, it's really ramped up just the levels of depression and anxiety and like to critical levels. Oh, yeah, the youth between teen age groups, it's a real concern, yeah,

Casey O'Roarty 09:31
yeah. And it's a big we've talked about it a lot, and my listeners know it showed up in our family, you know, with my daughter, who's been on the podcast and shared about her experience. But yeah, like you said, it's not often talked about our connection with, you know, our bodies and our nervous system, and even you know, like I think about young children. And like you said, sometimes it takes parenting a highly sensitive. Kid to recognize your own sensitivities. And it seems like the farther away we get from birth, the more tampered down some of our more intuitive, energetic tools and connections even are, because we're not walking around the world talking about how we can feel our hands grow. You know, unless you come here, you know, unless you listen to this conversation. But, yeah, I mean, it's just really interesting. So bringing us back, and we talk a lot on the podcast about emotions and inner work and ways of being, and I love this conversation, what you do really focuses what I love about what you do, and what I've explored on your website and in some of your blogs is the system like the systems in the body, namely the nervous system. So how does understanding our nervous system fit into personal growth work, I

Katie Connolly 11:01
think it's everything. First of all, I can give a bit of backstory. It's hard to not go into. Yeah, do it, but let's take it from the brainwave state first. So children under seven spend a good portion of their time in a theta brainwave state. So we as adults or children over seven experience that when we're in meditation, when we're in a healing session, like craniosacral Reiki, etc, when we're falling asleep and when we're waking up. So in that state, we're sponges. So if you think about children under seven being little sponges and absorbing it all, they're taking in all of the energy that's around them, but without the context and without necessarily having all of the vocabulary or means to express their experiences. So this becomes really important in the somatic regard when we're trying to help children move through emotions or understand their experiences, because they'll very often explain. They'll say, like, my tummy hurts, whereas we might try to express that as anxiety as an adult, right? So from a somatic lens, we're talking about how the body feels and how it's being experienced in the moment. And so in my craniosacral work and in my sessions with people when we're in that theta space, we're talking about how the body feels. So it's very visceral, sort of imaginative, almost. It's a different experience, as opposed to trying to conceptualize it and understand it from our left brain, it's more of a right brain experience. And so I mean our nervous system from birth, our baseline can vary right we can be more predominantly in a sympathetic space, so in a fight or flight mode, maybe we had a really traumatic Burr. Maybe we were separated from at the get go, and we see this often. Right on the flip side, maybe we spend more time in a parasympathetic state, which is we want both. First of all. Right, it's natural to both and to flow through both throughout our day. But if we have a more, I guess, a healthier nervous system, we spend a more balanced time in sympathetic and parasympathetic. So parasympathetic would be when we're able to rest, digest, absorb all the nutrients we need from our food and socialize So engage in a healthy way. So let's say we had, maybe we healed from our traumatic birth. I feel like every birth is traumatic to some extent. I mean, just the nature of it is right for me, right for both mom, for maybe the partner, usually for the partner, yeah, yeah. And for baby, right? Yeah. They're in a totally different world all of a sudden, yeah. So when baby has the opportunity to be with the parent right away, especially the mom right away, that helps to nourish the nervous system. I'm not going to go off on that tangent. Okay, good. So that will help our baseline to we will have a healthier baseline, okay, and be able to fluctuate in a healthy way. So yeah, that supports us. And then, of course, if we have that direct eye contact with mom, our needs are met, or direct eye contact with both parents, that touch, that continuing touch, having our needs met, etc, then our nervous system is healthier as we're being raised.

Casey O'Roarty 14:42
It's so interesting to talk about birth. And just I everyone I know you're all parents of teenagers. Birth was a long time ago, but traumatic birth. So when I think about my daughter and like the underlying anxiety that I didn't notice until it really. Came up in ninth grade. Her birth was long. I was in active labor for a long time, and then I was pushing for four hours. And, yeah, yeah. And, you know, and she came out with they, you know, the cord wasn't around her neck. She wasn't in distress. But, I mean, she was in distress. I'm sure she was like, What the hell. And it's only been lately that I've really been wondering about how that has affected her mental health. And I have a handful of clients who have teens who were adopted, you know, and they're really struggling. And I know that there are, you know, whole groups of therapists and people who are writing about speaking into and working with teens, because you start to move through identity formation, and it's like, well, not only am I pushing back against the parents who raised me, but how do I push back against The parents who I haven't met, I don't know. And then, anyway, that's a whole tangent, but it's such an interesting conversation. And really, where I was bringing you was like, how the nervous system is connected to personal growth. And as I listened to you talk about the sympathetic and the parasympathetic nervous system, is that the same as kind of like survival mode versus not survival mode. Yeah,

Katie Connolly 16:25
exactly. So sympathetic is fight flight when we're activated a stress response. So for example, getting up in the morning, we will naturally have a little more cortisol going through the body, because we're like, here we go. Yeah. Same as Yeah, same as with birth, right? Like something like that. Whereas parasympathetic we're in a breast digest socialized space, or, yeah, socialized in a normal way, like we are, we have access

Casey O'Roarty 16:48
to our prefrontal cortex and all those. Thank you, yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly.

Katie Connolly 16:52
We're able to be present in our body, we're able to vision, we're able to creatively problem solve, etc, etc, and connect with others, right? A deep level and, like, express empathy, etc. Okay, so back to the nervous system and growth. So yes, like you were saying, the birth experience plays a big role in the first year, right? So if we think about how many children and moms in particular, might not have had that initial deep connection, and this is normal. I'm saying this as someone who's experienced postpartum anxiety and depression with both my girls, so there is no shame in this. This is a very common experience for so many reasons that can really influence the initial attachment, yeah. And sort of that baseline and where how we experience the world around us and ourselves, yeah. And that obviously influences how we grow with our parent. And that's why, like each relationship, each parent, child relationship, is completely unique, like, I mean, aside from coming into this world with different traits, and I like to think of past, karmic experiences, etc, yeah, are completely unique. So it's going to show up differently. What works for one child will not work for the next, yeah, yeah. I don't know one mom who's who's found that, but let me know if you do, yeah?

Casey O'Roarty 18:21
Well, that keeps, that stays on trend through adolescence as well, for sure. Yeah, right, yeah,

Katie Connolly 18:27
exactly. And also, like the birth order and everything. So the three major thing, I'm sure you've talked about this, but So those early years and that foundation that we set up plays out again in between years, yeah, yeah. I have not yet had the privilege to experience that with my own girls, but I

Casey O'Roarty 18:48
keep my phone, keep my number,

Katie Connolly 18:52
yeah, but yeah. So it really does affect how it shows up later. And like you were saying with children who have been adopted or foster children, there is that connection, obviously, with the adoptive parent, and then that wanting to create independence from them, and like you're saying, that struggle with the unknown, yeah, and also that desire to maybe understand the unknown, yeah, yeah. So we're dealing with multiple lineages, yeah, and lots of patterns and unknowns that can be quite challenging.

Casey O'Roarty 19:36
Well, and talk about what is a highly sensitive person and how does that fit in with this conversation?

Katie Connolly 19:42
Yeah, so a highly sensitive person can be someone who experiences or may have a diagnosis of ADHD autism and various other neurodiversities, but it's someone who experiences all of the stimulation. And all of the senses in a more heightened way. So sometimes this can be due to trauma, especially early childhood trauma, and so obviously, I think there's that connection there between the adoptive experience. But so if we've experienced trauma, for example, we're going to be more on guard. We're going to lean, especially if it's being chronic trauma, we're going to lean more to a sympathetic state, so towards that on guard, activated state. And sometimes that can also just be a pattern through families, right? I mean, if we go back generations, many of our grandparents were in the war, that has an effect then on our parents and how they show up, which then has an effect on us, and then our children, for example, right? So, everyone has trauma in their lineage, everyone has experienced some degree of trauma. That's part of life, but when we have a supportive system around us, and when we're able to nourish our nervous system, we're able to better navigate through that experience and stay connected with our body, to be resilient. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's what my work is really about.

Casey O'Roarty 21:18
Yeah. I think about again, about my daughter and her experience, and I remember when she went into high school, it was like walking down the hall with hundreds of other kids, hundreds and hundreds of other kids walking down the hall and Just or like the experience of getting up in class and walking to the front of the room and feeling eyeballs on her like her sensitivity was through the roof. And that's like I said, when anxiety really I mean, it wasn't like, Hey, Mom, I'm anxious. It was a lot of not great, risky behavior to navigate how she was feeling, because even though she was, you know, 1415, she didn't have the words to really capture what she was feeling. And I would definitely put her in the category of highly sensitive. What are some other indicators that we or our kids, are highly sensitive people. HSPs,

Katie Connolly 22:24
yeah, so like sensitivity to light. I hate lights. I hate like, I love daylight, but actual lights bother me a lot. Sound is another big one, and again, that can be more connected to trauma, right? Different types of sensation on the skin, different types of taste, clutter, can be massively overwhelming, and so for highly sensitive moms, it becomes amplified, obviously when we have children, because a lot of this becomes somewhat out of our control, yeah. So it's hard as a

Casey O'Roarty 23:00
challenge. So I'm gonna pause you for a second. I don't know why I feel like there's like, highly sensitive person, and then there's like sensory like, then there's conversations around, do you have a sensory disorder? Are those both the same? Or are they different? Overlap? Because so there's so much overlap. Because when I think about highly sensitive people my head, mistakenly or not, goes to more of like this, energetic I was just about to touch on that, yeah, yeah. Talk a little bit about that. And

Katie Connolly 23:30
so let me go to a craniosacral perspective, yeah, so, and

Casey O'Roarty 23:34
tell me a little bit about what cranial sacral means, just in case. Yeah, right, yeah.

Katie Connolly 23:38
So, what am I talking

Casey O'Roarty 23:42
about? First, start with your craniosacral work. Like, what does that mean,

Katie Connolly 23:46
right? So craniosacral is so the way I practice it, it's working with the body. So it's a somatic practice. It's a gentle touch practice, where as the practitioner I'm feeling into the cerebral spinal fluid, which is the fluid that bathes our nervous system, okay, the flow of it, so are we balanced in terms of bringing in the fluid and letting go within that practice, it's also looking at the structures of the body. So osteopathy and chiral actually came out of craniosacral. But anyways, I won't speak too much about that. But so it's looking at the fascist structure, so the alignment of the bones and all of the tissues in the body, so is there balance? Is like a hip askew, for example? Are bones in our head overlapping for babies, for example, or is there even a pinch in the brain stem? So we also have 12 craniosacral nerves, and this is where polyvagal theory and craniosacral overlap. Two of the craniosacral nerves are accessories, so they allow for range of motion of our head. Okay, this is really important, because every four to seven seconds, we're scanning our environment to check if we're in a safe space or not. That safety is objective to each person. So if we don't have full range of. Motion in our neck, even though we're not actually looking around, scanning every four to seven seconds. If we don't have that full range of motion, we lean more to a sympathetic or an activated state, okay, so it's really important to open up through the shoulders, right? Okay? And open up through the chest so we can have a nice full breath. Then we have nine other nerves that feed into our senses, so they're picking up all of the sensory information, so sight, taste, sound, smell, touch is a little bit different, and they're bringing that information, I'm bypassing a few things, but into our brain stem, which then sends information via neurotransmitters through a vagus nerve to tell our organs how to respond. So if I'm responding in a parasympathetic state, parasympathetic state, I'm able to breathe more deeply, I'm able to absorb the nutrients from my food. My heart rate is moderate. If I respond in a sympathetic state, I'm not going to be able to breathe deeply. It's going to be shallow rest probably up in the upper chest. I'm not going to be able to absorb all the nutrients in the body. This is where we see IBS, etc, and other gut disorders, which also, then we know, feed into the mental health issues and vice versa, hormones, etc, that sensory information that our craniosacral or sensory nurse picked up also send information to via hormone through our blood. So it's a whole system, and the vagus nerve is the 10th craniosacral nerve, so it's a byway. So we can also tell ourselves that, oh, I'm in a safe space by smiling, for example, by laughing, by taking a nice deep breath. And there's a number of other exercises as well, and I do offer them for free on my app, because I think it's so important that we share these tools. Yeah, that's a little overview of that.

Casey O'Roarty 26:55
I appreciate that, because, you know, when I think about the challenges that are brought up in my community, right? Typically, people aren't showing up at the community, like, everything's going great. How's it going out there? Right? Usually, it's like, oh my gosh, this is what's happening. And I love to remember and to remind people, you know, and I was just having this conversation on another podcast interview about how there's the experience that we're having, and then there's how we're experiencing the experience that we're having, and when you talk about the things that we can do to communicate to our inner system around safety, I remember when I was just starting out doing trainings in schools around positive discipline, which is what I teach. And I started, you know, I kind of became the person that would work with the secondary schools, which was exciting and terrifying, right? Because I didn't teach in secondary schools. I taught young kids, so I felt a little bit impostery. And I would start, I would stand there the few seconds before I would start, and I knew I was visibly shaking. I could feel my heart rate, and I learned, and it still shows up when I get on a stage just for a second, right? And I've learned like, Okay, I'm going to take longer inhales and shorter exhales to let my body know that I'm okay, that this is okay. I can calm down. And you know, when we're in those moments with our kids, with our teens, and we're either finding something out, or they're letting us know what's going on, or it just is that high stress, very emotionally activated moment. There are, you know, that first step is, can be, should be, I think could be, starting with coming down the nervous system,

Katie Connolly 28:53
yeah, absolutely, yeah, absolutely. And one of the breaths that I talk about quite a bit is the box breath, just because it's shared so commonly. So an inhale is actually associated with the sympathetic system. So if we think about box breath, we're doing sympathetic. A hold is sympathetic. Exhale is parasympathetic, and again, another retention is sympathetic. So it's predominantly sympathetic. So to trigger more of a parasympathetic, maybe

Casey O'Roarty 29:24
I got it backwards when I was sharing my technique. I think I got it back. I

Katie Connolly 29:27
thought you did. Yeah, it's okay. I'm just sharing the box breath, because this is a big one that is commonly shared, and to understand the physiology of it is very important, because we're actually promoting the sympathetic when I don't think that's the fact that we're trying, right? So having more of a balanced breath, like a deep inhale, deep exhale, more of the flowing like an Ujjayi or an ocean breath, is really nourishing. And a simple one that most people can do, just a simple belly breath, is great. Yeah, worse wonders go. Back to the energetic point about the highly sensitives before we get totally off. So in addition to all our like our basic sensory experiences, a highly sensitive person also has quite a highly, finely tuned sixth sense. I'll say, yeah. Okay, so usually they're quite empathetic, they're they're intuitive, they're visionaries, they're often healers. They're experiencing other people's emotions very often. And in our world right now, that is a lot. Yeah, even so, I feel like I have learned to discern what is someone else's versus what is mine. And that took me a really long time to figure out I would feel like it was almost like being stabbed in the back. That's how it would show up for me and for each of us, it's completely different when it's someone else's energy. But in the world today, there is so much energy going on out there that we can't help but feel it, and if we're not aware of it, we might take it on and think it's ours, whereas, if we are like, oh, you know what, this is actually not mine, I can let it go. It can be easier to shake it off and return back to center. So it's a really hard trick for highly sensitive people to

Casey O'Roarty 31:16
Well, yeah, and I'm thinking about teenagers. Who are, you know, they're unwilling, you know, even it's like, this is what's good for you, and it's like, I'm gonna do it my way, or I'm gonna do it however. And so I'm thinking about the teenagers, and I'm thinking about the people that are listening, who are like, oh, yeah, this is my kid. So yeah, how do you you know? And maybe this is like your experience of working with people. Maybe you get the indication like, I think this person is probably, you know, someone who is highly sensitive. What are some ways of having the conversation with somebody who maybe not, maybe they don't realize that about themselves, but you can kind of prompt connecting those dots with them.

Katie Connolly 32:05
Yeah, I actually don't usually have those conversations, because most people come to me knowing that, okay, they're highly sensitive. Some will wonder about their children. I'm not a huge believer in labeling, okay, and I think that comes from my mom. I know that if I was to go get diagnosed, I'd be diagnosed with ADHD 100% and that's really showed up in our conversation.

Casey O'Roarty 32:29
There's room for everyone, right?

Katie Connolly 32:32
Thank you. But I also wonder how much of that is an effect of my childhood experience and trauma, right? And this is why I don't necessarily believe I mean, it depends on why you're seeking a diagnosis. I don't think there's anything wrong with having a diagnosis. My husband is I definitely recognize and see it in my daughter. I wonder how much of it, though, is due to my anxiety after having her so I think if you're looking for resources that are offered by the government, maybe you're looking for a community or just to be validated and to have that understanding of yourself, go for it. Yeah. But despite that, I think going back to the nervous system and finding ways to support the nervous system and practical tools to support you in how it presents for you is more important.

Casey O'Roarty 33:31
That's what I mean, right? Like, like, I know, for you know, being able to say, Hey, I noticed that when we are in a large and a space where there's a lot of people, like in a restaurant or a theater, I noticed that you seem to have a level of agitation, like, you know, having conversations with our kids to help them see themselves. Yes, right? That's more of what I'm and then how to because I did have a client one time years ago, when I coached for a coaching program and she talked a lot about how highly sensitive she is like so much so that it was almost difficult for her to be in a room full of people. Yeah, and I did not have any background in this, but I was our coach, so we started talking about, you know, for whatever reason, the visual of French doors came up. And we talked about how her French doors are wide open all the time, and what would it look like for her to not slam them shut, but keep them open in a way that is like a filter. Like, how do you go from being wide open to porous, but not, you know, super highway to my nervous system? Right?

Katie Connolly 34:51
Absolutely. And so that's another common trait with highly sensitive people, not the healthiest sense of boundaries. Mm. Right? And again, that can go back to early childhood experiences, right, right? And so when I work with moms, I don't ask them to teach their children, necessarily. I ask them to lead themselves, and their children will watch. Can't make anyone do anything, there's definitely not a team. For sure,

Casey O'Roarty 35:22
we all know. But courage, people are like, Yeah, we know

Katie Connolly 35:27
even even like young kids, you can't make someone do something right? You have to lead by example. First People watch. They see the effect it has on you. If it resonates with them, they'll get curious. Yeah, yeah. It doesn't that's okay, yeah, so going back to what you were saying, yes, having a conversation about what you notice in a compassionate way is important, that we can try to navigate and find tools to support them if that's of interest, but it really needs to come from us as moms. I think doing the work ourselves first, and then it kind of evolves from there. Well, let's

Casey O'Roarty 36:13
talk about a little bit about that, doing the work. So you know, I'm thinking about my sister, who I adore, who I think would definitely fall in. She is introvert, and she is raising a daughter. She I got her as my daughter, and she got me as her daughter. And I don't know which of us has the better or worse deal, but she's got this very boisterous, extroverted daughter, and so now Jamie is trying to figure out how to navigate what she needs to feel safe in this environment that can feel chaotic simply because kids are chaotic. You know, let's kind of pivot into what are the tools that people who are resonating with you know that extra connection with energies. You know, for those people, what are some tools? How do you work with your clients around being with the world, while also managing their own energetic experience.

Katie Connolly 37:23
Yeah, so I think there's a few different things. One thing that I've shared for years is making a regular practice to nourish yourself, so having like checkpoints throughout the day. So I don't believe in having, like, an hour long meditation or a half hour meditation, whatever, if you can amazing, that's not practical for most of us. So Don't set yourself up for failure.

Katie Connolly 37:53
If you have two minutes in the morning when you wake up to notice your body, feel your feet, feel the surface below you notice your breath incredible. And then, if you can do that a few times throughout the day, acknowledging your emotions, the sensations, any thought patterns coming up, usually that's enough to let them go. Maybe need a breathe through that. Maybe need to dance it out, walk it out, run it out, shake it out, whatever. If you have time to do that, go for it, but having those little checkpoints throughout the day, and also offering that for teens or children was really powerful, because then we don't get to five o'clock or witching hour or meltdown time with all of this energy that we've carried, and we're like, Where the hell did this all come from? And exhausted or not, able to cope and handle it, yeah? Because if we show up with that energy as moms, we're going to have a chaotic environment. Yeah, if we're able to connect and be present in ourselves and hold that space, our children and everyone around us will feel it, yeah, yeah, yeah, and that can definitely change the tone. So having those regular checkpoints is one, carving your time into your week. First is another, and that's one that I honestly have struggled with, right? I mean, it's so easy as a mom to get pulled in a million directions, but I make it a priority to for at least half an hour, usually more like an hour, go for a walk, run, swim, do something for myself in the middle of the day. It's like we need it. Yeah, yeah. It would be lovely, obviously, for us to have a day off to, like, go on an adventure and the spot, etc, etc. But that, again, is not practical. So let's be realistic with ourselves

Casey O'Roarty 39:50
well and know ourselves too, right? Like I know without a doubt that there is a point in the day where, if I don't work out, I. I'm not working out right. Like, it's not for me. It's like, you know, my husband is a night gym guy lately, and I am like, if I say, Oh yeah, I'll go tonight. It's not. There's no way. I don't want to. It's not. I'm gonna get to that point. I'm like, man, it's a rest day. We'll call it a rest day. So knowing that, I like, okay, then I have to figure out how to incorporate that into my morning. I love that, and I appreciate too, that it doesn't have to be. I just appreciate not having the pressure of like, well, this is only going to be useful if you sit down for an hour, you know, don't think about anything for an hour and breathe, right? Because right? And, like you said, Yay, if you can do that, and most of us can't, and that's okay. So we get to figure out what we can do. I appreciate the like, the growth mindset of that invitation, like what can happen. And I also am thinking about the Stephen Covey video. Are you familiar with it, where he puts with the rocks in the jar, and they're all different size rocks. And when he puts all the small rocks in and then the medium there's no room for the big rocks. But if you start with the big rocks, medium rocks, and then the small rocks, everything fits, and time for ourself is a big rock, like you said, you we get to schedule it in. Yeah, right. And that's so key, especially for those of us that are easily activated, right? And I wonder too, because stimulation is all around us all the time, right? And we all have our own capacities for being with it. Yes, we can set ourselves up better when we do our checkpoints and have our time, and sometimes we just don't see it coming, right? Living with teenagers, we often don't see it coming. What are some in the moment, somatic practices. You talked about the box, breathing. We talked about the breathing. Is there anything else that you know for listeners to think about in those moments? And I want to say too everyone, as I've said before, the first piece is a willingness not to let the wave of stimulation take you over. Right? Like to interrupt the habitual dance that we get into with our kids requires us to be willing to interrupt it, right? So you're feeling pissed, you're feeling overwhelmed, you're feeling scared, you're feeling your feelings,

Katie Connolly 42:25
yeah, it's normal, yeah, if you didn't, that would be more concerning, right,

Casey O'Roarty 42:30
right, right? And do you want to create something different, exactly,

Katie Connolly 42:35
exactly, and so sort of going back to the carving out time for ourselves that also ties in with our boundaries. And if we're able to do that, then we won't get as pulled with the tidal wave, right? So I think that really is first and foremost. And then I would say having those regular checkpoints. And then let's say you've done all that, and there's still a tidal wave that comes. I did this when my eldest was quite young. I was running a studio at the time, which I've I closed during covid, but it was quite a challenge in the first year of having her. But I would just say, you know, I just need to go to the other room and have a breath. I'll be right back. Mommy's feeling overwhelmed right now, and so I guess she was about a year and a half at that time she started doing that. I just need to go to my room and have a breath as I was great, and it's still something she does. So she still recognizes that, oh, I can do this. I don't just have to have a meltdown. Here I can go and nourish myself. So again, it's like setting up these practices as early as you can, leading by example.

Casey O'Roarty 43:48
And I will say it's never too late, listeners,

Katie Connolly 43:51
it's never too late. It's never too late. Yeah, briefly before I share a tool, you were talking about different practices. And something that I also like to share is meditation can take so many forms. Can be singing, it can be playing music. It can be cleaning the house. It can be sitting in Gian mudra like a little yogi, if you want. It can be painting, walking in nature, whatever it is that nourishes your soul, and it can be different from day to day. It's just about connecting with yourself and taking that time to really feel your body, yeah, and into your body and notice what's going on. I think that's really important, because so many people feel like they have to practice a certain way and they can't do it for whatever reason. There's no one right way to practice. It's what feels good for you and then so when that tidal wave does come, having these regular practices that nourish us, we're better able to drop into that parasympathetic state when we use our practice in a challenging situation. So again. Back to working with younger children, if we can teach them, let's say the OM breath, for example, at in a calming moment, or like some fun animal breath in a calming moment, they are better equipped to play with it in a challenging moment. Same goes for us. One of the practices that I watched, there's two practices I'll share. One is the bunny breath. So this is when we go, inhale, inhale, inhale through the nose and a deep sigh, exhale,

Katie Connolly 45:39
and like a nice, audible sigh is great. This is actually how babies and children calm themselves after crying.

Casey O'Roarty 45:49
I read about this on your website. I love that. Yeah, it's

Katie Connolly 45:53
so instinctual. So like, why not do what's natural for our bodies, right? So go into a room and just be like, I need a breather. Yeah, and do your bunny breaths? Do your OMS. Do whatever it is that helps you reconnect with your body. Lay down. Laying down is really good to help calm our nervous system. It tells our body that we're not in an activated state. Another practice, and this is more for people who are watching the video, and again, I do have it on the app for free. Is the salamander. This is by Stanley Rosenberg, who wrote accessing the healing power of the crane or of the vagus nerve. He's a pioneer in the craniosacral field. So if you're following with me, I'll try to explain it. So from a seated position, softening through the jaw, neck and shoulders. We're going to gaze straight in front of us, so finding a fixed point, and we're just going to bring our right ear to our right shoulder, and then we're going to, with our face still facing the same direction, take our eye gaze to the top left corner, and we're just going to hang out here until we on our side. Maybe you notice more saliva in your mouth. You hear tummy rumble. Those are all signs that were in a parasympathetic space. Whenever you notice that sign or a change in your state coming back to center, maybe closing your eyes for a minute, and then we'll bring our left ear to the left shoulder again, eyes open and taking the gaze to the top right corner,

Katie Connolly 47:32
turning to center, maybe closing your eyes, noticing any changes In your breath, any sensations in your body. So that's a salamander exercise. It's a very powerful way to

Casey O'Roarty 47:48
drop in. Yeah, that was powerful. I'm just thinking to myself, like, in a moment with one of my kids being like, hold up. I gotta do the salamander. Join me if you want to. And we're laughing, I'm laughing, but it's real, like people, if you are in the struggle with your kids, you get to help yourself, yes, right? You get to help yourself. And these are ways that actually are real, that are useful, that are helpful. So I really appreciate that the bunny breath and the salamander, Yeah,

Katie Connolly 48:31
you're welcome. Yes, yeah. It's just, it's, it's such a powerful way to reconnect with our body. And it's interesting, because going back to the craniosacral and the sensory that's a great way of using the eye nerves, or eye yoga, even, to bring a sense of safety into our body. So it's a great example as to exactly how the nerves work.

Casey O'Roarty 48:56
And the eye nerve, meaning, like, literally, the eyeball nerve, is that that's the

Katie Connolly 49:02
nerves that innervate our eye and connect with the vagus nerve, or the brainstem and the vagus

Casey O'Roarty 49:07
and so the message is, I'm looking around. Everything's good. Exactly. No worries. Okay, oh my gosh, it's so I mean, we could probably talk for five hours on all of this. It's so useful. Another thing that I want to talk about, too is CO regulation. And one of the things that you know, I love Dan Siegel's work. I don't know if you're familiar with Dan Siegel, but he's a brain guy who also is very woo, woo. It's super satisfying. He talks about brain in the palm of the hand, and he talks about how brains mirror each other, right? So an activated brain can often encourage or invite another brain to become activated, and the same is true for when one brain is regulated, it may. Makes it ever more likely. It's not perfect, foolproof, but it makes it ever more likely that the other brain can regulate as well. So doing our work is useful for us as well as the person in front of us. How do you talk about CO regulation?

Katie Connolly 50:18
I see the family nervous system as one, right? So we're all correct. I love that when we're highly sensitive, that can be a lot of fun, and it makes it all that more important for mom to carve out her time, to take those checkpoints and do whatever she can to nurse herself and to like, having those checkpoints can help you become aware of like, where am I within my window of tolerance, so that I'm not extending or going outside of that, because we are the ones in particular who need to hold space, like I was saying, to set the emotional tone or to co regulate So, like I was saying earlier, if we're coming into a room frenzied or stressed, what response are we going to get? Yeah, this is the same teaching, right? Yeah, anything we do, whereas when we come into the space calm, centered, connected to our bodies. One, we're better able to hold space. But two, we're telling other people, you're in it, or I'm in a safe space, and so they're more likely to respond unless there's some trigger that we're unaware of, or that is specific to them, that they're also in a safe space.

Casey O'Roarty 51:38
What about the dads? What about the dads? Oh,

Katie Connolly 51:41
yeah, yeah, no, the dads are very important. I just, I predominantly work with mom, but dads play a very important role too. And obviously, I mean, my husband is so involved. He's an incredible dad, and there are so many more dads who are super involved in everything now, which is incredible to see. And so again, mom being the example, and usually it's mom who's more aware of and interested in the highly sensitive and all these other things, sure, yeah, which is why I speak to mom and let mom be the educator for the family. Yeah. I like to empower mom so because she knows her family best, and let her speak to everyone as she sees fit. That being said, I do see whole families,

Casey O'Roarty 52:27
yeah, well, and I'm just, I'm kind of teasing about it a little bit because, you know, it's interesting. And I don't know if this has been your experience. I've been doing this, you know, working with parents for, you know, I mean, if I go back to my teaching years, you know, almost 25 years, and there is definitely a trend towards ever more dads being interested. And I see it out in the world too, ever more men being interested in the personal growth work and the personal growth conversations and their willingness seems to be growing as well. And so I just wanted to invite us to speak into that I know I've got a handful of dads listening to my podcast. And you know, you get to be in the CO regulation work too. You get to, you know, experience your impact and your influence on the emotional experience of the family as well, right? Yeah, absolutely.

Katie Connolly 53:26
And I think, do you know the Huberman podcast?

Casey O'Roarty 53:31
I know of it. I think I've listened once or twice, but yes,

Katie Connolly 53:34
my husband loves it. He always comes home and he's like, Guess what I learned? I was like, I've been telling you about this, but what I do love about the Huberman podcast is he is bringing ancient knowledge into research and proving it. Yeah, yeah, which is why I like to speak both the intuitive language and the physiological slash more rational practical. Yeah, because typically, and this is totally generalizing, but typically men want to connect more with that rational, scientific reason side, and so being able to explain it in both ways, I think, is really important. I mean, my mom, being a forensic accountant, also relies more on reason, but is obviously very intuitive. So I think it's important to be able to speak both languages, to connect with everyone, and also from a trauma informed perspective, to help people understand why we're doing what we're doing, so they can discern whether this is right for them or not. Yeah, there

Casey O'Roarty 54:39
is so much to dig into. Oh my gosh. Tell my listeners, where can they find you and follow your work. Katie,

Katie Connolly 54:46
yeah, on Instagram at the glow within you. And from there, I guess you can pretty much find everywhere else. So you can go to glowwithin.ca 1w and of course, feel free to reach out to me. If you have any questions. You're welcome. Welcome to email me. I'm happy to chat, yay. Well, I have

Casey O'Roarty 55:03
one more question, what does joyful courage mean to you? Joyful

Katie Connolly 55:07
courage? Oh, actually, that really resonates with like the glow within I think to me, it's finding that spark within you and having the courage to show up authentically as you beautiful,

Casey O'Roarty 55:23
beautiful. What about you? Well, my definition of joyful courage changes every day. It really does today. Today it is. It's really letting go of outcome. It's letting go of outcome and being in process. That's what it is for me in this moment. Yeah, yeah. Thank you so much. This has been lovely.

Katie Connolly 55:51
Thank you Casey.

Casey O'Roarty 55:58
Thank you so much for listening in today. Thank you to my sproutable partners, as well as Chris Mann and the team at pod shaper for all the support with getting this show out there and making it sound good. Check out our offers for parents with kids of all ages, and sign up for our newsletter to stay [email protected] tune back in later this week for our Thursday show, and I'll be back with another interview next Monday. Peace. You.

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