Eps 474: When we don’t align with our partner’s parenting style

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Joyful Courage today is being honest with ourselves…

Transcription

Casey O'Roarty 00:05
Hello, Welcome back. Welcome to the joyful courage podcast, a place for inspiration and transformation as we work to keep it together. While parenting our tweens and teens. This is real work people. And when we can focus on our own growth and nurturing the connection with our kids, we can move through the turbulence in a way that allows for relationships to remain intact. My name is Casey already, I am your fearless host. I'm a positive discipline trainer, space holder coach and the adolescent lead. It's browseable. Also mama to a 20 year old daughter and a 17 year old son I am walking right beside you on the path of raising our kids with positive discipline and conscious parenting. This show is meant to be a resource to you and I work really hard to keep it really real, transparent and authentic so that you feel seen and supported. Today is a solo show and I'm confident that what I share will be useful to you. Please don't forget sharing truly is caring. If you love today's show, please please pass the link around snap a screenshot posted on your socials or texted to your friends. Together we can make an even bigger impact on families around the globe. If you're feeling extra special, you can rate and review us over in Apple podcasts. I'm so glad that you're here. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Enjoy the show.

Casey O'Roarty 01:31
Hi. How is it going out there in parenting land? Because again, I am happy to be here with you. I'm happy to be here with you. Oh my gosh. So guess what? In my boy went on a college trip this weekend with his dad to Old Miss Mississippi looks like he's not going to be going to Ole Miss. So anyway, I don't know why I'm sharing that. But it's just part of the excitement over here. As we slowly creep towards empty nesting. I had brunch with a client and her daughter today. And she said so you're gonna have to have a subgroup of empty nesters soon. And I just laughed. I was like, I know, I know. And my Instagram feed is totally coaches and moms of like what's next empty nest rebuild your life and I am here for IT people I am here for it. I'm feeling great. I'm feeling strong. I'm feeling excited. I know I'm going to deeply miss my kid, but feels kind of exciting to be in the possibility of the next part of life. Anyway, I'm excited about that. I am also excited for today's podcast. So did you listen to Monday's show with Carol Sookie. She came on to talk about what her story is and what it's like to be married to a narcissist. Like present tense. She is currently married to a narcissist. And it's interesting because I say this on the podcast when I started getting ready to interview her. I thought there was a typo because it said she was married. Instead of like she is married, not was married to a narcissist. And I realised Oh, wow, this is a story about sticking with it. And I was a little nervous to be honest about that. But I really loved the interview. I listened to it this morning when I was out on a walk with my sweet puppy dog. And I feel like it is such a great conversation and so many useful nuggets. If you haven't listened to that, listen to it, she chose to stay and work it out. Or at least see if it could be worked out see if her partner her husband was willing to do the work to grow and heal and be different. And what I loved about her story is, you know, when they finally got to that place, she was like well, I had a plan like I was ready to go if it didn't work out. And so going into the conversation with him, like whether or not he was into it, she was going to be okay. And I think that lends itself to like a certain amount of just energetic confidence.

Casey O'Roarty 04:30
And it's intriguing to me, also loved it just kind of illustrates that power of holding things lightly and trying something different. Right. We talk about that a lot here on the pod and I think it's, you know, one of those things where we just keep peeling back the layers we just keep peeling back the layers on what does that mean holding something lightly trying something different. Again, what I pulled out of her car conversation was that power of being really transparent about where we're at, whether it's with our partners, or our teenagers or our friends, or our parents, we get to be transparent, we get to be clear, we get to be real. We get to be brave enough to ask for what we need and willing to take action. Right? I've been watching Love on the spectrum. Does anybody watch that show? I love this show. I love the show. First of all, it's so sweet. And, yeah, it's so sweet. And I just love the people that are on love on the spectrum is a reality show about autistic people being supported with dating and meeting people. And I just love that they have no filter, they just get straight to the point, you know, and sometimes, it's not always useful for obviously, to have no filter. But there's something really beautiful about keeping it real, right? There's something really beautiful about keeping it real. And I feel like so much of the interpersonal relating that we do, gets all mixed up and messy. Because we beat around the bush, we don't say what we mean. We don't mean what we say. And we don't keep it real. And that's when, you know, that's when shit goes sideways.

Casey O'Roarty 06:29
So I feel like in this conversation with Carol, it really just kind of reminded me of the power of like, Hey, listen, here's where I'm at. And here's what I'm willing to do. What are you willing to do, right, being brave and courageous enough to share and expose where we're at, and to be willing to take the action that we need to stay safe and get our needs met. So again, listen to that conversation with Carol, it was really good. And I loved that whole idea of having a plan. So bringing it in to this context, right, having a plan. So a lot of the parents that I work with, you know, when they first come to me, they're pulling their hair out. And they're like, oh, my gosh, my kids don't listen, I have to ask them to do something a million times, and they still won't do it. It's so interesting. I was just in conversation with someone yesterday about a challenge that she's having with her son, his big chore is to take out the recycling. And he hasn't done it, he hasn't done it yet doesn't do it. She's like moving the recycling ever closer to his bedroom. And then it gets in his bedroom, like, oh, here it is, take care of it. And he still doesn't do it. And I asked her, I said, Well, have you ever asked him? Like, what makes it hard? Why aren't you taking out the recycling? What's going on there? And she looks at me? And she said, No, I actually haven't asked him that. So it's amazing how frustrated we can get with our kids and their behaviour, or their lack of contribution or whatever the challenge is, but and we haven't actually dug in around, like, what makes this hard for you? Like, what makes it hard for you? This is the recycling. Why is it so hard? You know, and we can really get some information. And then we get to figure out what the actual problem is. Right? And sometimes, our kids tell us what they need. And we still keep doing what we're doing. You know, the classic example of that is like, leave me alone. Quit asking me about school, get off my back. Right? They give us the feedback, I need you to back off. This is a big one. This happens a lot with a lot of the parents I work with. And it's like, okay, and we can't, and we don't right, and we keep showing up. And then we're like, oh my gosh, they don't want anything to do with me. They're giving you feedback. They're saying back off. And I think that we get really scared because we're unsure if by backing off, anything will change. We're scared that if we don't nag, they won't do the things. We're scared that. I mean, we're always kind of in this worst case scenario, right? And so we keep doing what we're doing, even though it's not helpful, because at least we're doing something. I get it. Right, I get it. I get it. So who really needs support around listening? Right?

Casey O'Roarty 09:23
I think we do and why it's hard again, what if it doesn't work? Guess what, what you're already doing isn't working. So you get to be brave. You get to try something new and different. Right with your kids, with your partner with your friends, at work, what you're doing now, if this is true for you that what you're doing in certain relationships isn't useful, isn't helpful. You get to be different. You get to be brave and try something different. Right? And I love this idea of having a plan. Having a plan and remembering like having a plan. There's no formula are a ploy or trick this isn't like a strategy for getting people to do what you want them to do. I mean, listen, if that existed, I would be the first in line, because I would love for people to do what I want them to do, because I think they should, I think I have great ideas, I think everyone should do what I want them to do. But there is no magic wand. That's not what this is about. This is about being an interpersonal relationship. And if we want transparency and openness, we get to be transparent and open, which sounds like letting our people know what we're going to do. Letting our people know what we're going to be practising, letting our people know, what we're thinking about what our needs are, and what we're willing to do to make the current situation work better for us. Right? Let them know that you see the gap, wait, whatever that gap might be, whichever relationship you're thinking about, whether it's with your teenager, your partner, your friend, your boss, you know, all the different places that we exist in relationship with people, let them know, Hey, I see a gap here. This isn't working. And by working, meaning this doesn't feel good, this feels disconnected. I don't feel like I'm being useful. Maybe I don't know exactly what it is that you need. I'm concerned, right, whatever it is, speak it, right, speak it quit beating around the bush, quit beating around the bush, and speak it. So I think that is really when I think about having a plan or shifting the way that I be. I used to be really explicit about it, and really transparent about it. And I invite you to do the same thing. Try it on, see how it feels. And it might feel kind of scary, right? It's like, oh, God, well, first of all, you gotta do what you say you're going to do. So if you're like, Okay, listen, I realise things aren't working out, things are not going well. So here's where I'm going to be practising differently, then you get to do that you get to practice differently. And sometimes it might feel like it rubs up against who you are, or perhaps even core values. And I just want to challenge that idea. Because you can still have kind of a snarky sarcastic personality, and soften and be compassionate and be loving.

Casey O'Roarty 12:21
You can still, you know, be that gentle, sweet, kind person, and lean into a little bit more firmness and have a backbone, and you know, stand in that strong back soft front, right, you still get to be you. You also get to recognise the places that aren't useful in the relationships in your life. And you get to take some ownership and you get to choose to be different, right? And let's keep in mind, like everybody has some basic needs, right? There's all the obvious basic needs food, clothing, shelter. But when we talk about positive discipline, when we talk about Adlerian theory, remember those basic needs belonging and significance, right connection and mattering? Yes, relationship and responsibility, all those things, kind of our belonging and significance to me. Also, autonomy. We all want to feel autonomous, we all want to feel like we can make our own decisions that we design our lives. Yes. Feeling understood. Right? Having others offer us empathy, and compassion, right? These are need these are human needs, that we all need your kids, your partner, you, your parents, the grocery store clerk, everybody needs these things. And when these things start to get out of whack, you know, we try to make our way back, we try to claim them. And sometimes that can look like mischief. Right? That can look like mischief. And so, interestingly enough, this last week, and the joyful courage for parents of teens Facebook group, there was a question about parenting styles. And I think it's perfect. This is the perfect solo show, coming off of Carol's conversation, and her story, and coming into this conversation. So first of all, I love this question, because I love that the person that posted says that she is a social worker and a parent educator, right. And she's really struggling in her relationship with her partner. And I appreciate that she exposed that. Because, listen, we're all in this soup. We're all in this together the parent educators, the therapists, right?

Casey O'Roarty 14:38
All of us are navigating interpersonal relationships at home with our own people. And it's real. It's real, and being skilled at supporting others does not always translate to being the master of this work and our own families like hello, I think I've modelled that pretty well here. So yeah, so here's the question that she has. And I'm just going to paraphrase it, I'm not going to read it. So the question she is a mom with two amazing teen boys, they have the typical challenges. Both boys are in counselling and getting some support, and really getting support around some emotional stuff that is shown up inside the relationship with their dad. And that's the problem is there's a divide between the mom's parenting style and the dad's parenting style. This is not uncommon, dad is unwilling to expand or shift his mindset around his style, even as it seems to be contributing to the emotional well being of the boys. Their marriage is suffering, Mom experiences dad is totally unwilling to budge. And he believes that demanding respect, demanding things, her language, demanding respect, is the way to get kids to listen. So she was looking for more ideas beyond just leaving him. And a lot of people popped into the comments to commiserate and to share. Me too. This is what it looks like in our house. And I think that's really important to remember, like this isn't, you know, the freak show, I always say this is you don't live in your own private freak show, whether it's your teens misbehaving or your you know, challenges with our partners, we've made it to the teen years, you know, unless we were really young when we had our kids, we're moving, we're inching into or like me squarely inside of midlife, right? We are in mid life. And we aren't the same people that we were 1518 20 years ago, when we had our kids, we've grown, we've changed. And if we're still in the same partnership, you know, that's a long time. Right? That's a long time to live together and to move through and to grow together. I mean, yeah. Are we growing together? Are we growing? Like side by side? Are we on our own little islands? You know, it's real. It's real. It's real, real, real real. And, you know, I work with a lot of couples who one parent is the connected parent, and the other parent is the hard ass, right? The hardest parent who isn't willing to see the bigger picture. And it's so interesting, because, you know, the connected parent often leans farther into permissive kindness to make up for the hard ass parent who is leaning ever further into firmness, because they're looking at each other and trying to balance out what they see as the other one's flaws. Right, like, well, you're so permissive, so somebody's got to hold the line, right? Well, you're such a hard ass, somebody's got to be kind and connect with the kids. So yes, it is a dynamic that shows up in a lot of households.

Casey O'Roarty 17:54
And in couples that I work with one of the episodes that I did not too long ago, Episode 460 is called get past your resistance and focus on relationship with your teen that solo show was sparked by a conversation that I had with clients where it was just like I was pulling my hair out like, don't you see what you're creating, like, stop? This isn't about being soft or weak. This is about being in relationship and connection with your kids, and how that's what they need. And we can't control anyone. Can we? So annoying. So again, back to what are the basic needs, belonging, significance, autonomy, understanding, empathy, compassion, all of this. And our partners need that too. Right? So as we navigate what feels really hard in that relationship, and what we're witnessing that is like, Oh, my God, dude, you're literally putting kindling on the fire? What does it look like? Right to hold space for their needs for our partners needs, you know, even when they're like, totally missing the boat. And even as I say that, I'm thinking about Carol and her partner who's a narcissist, who's somebody who, you know, could not show up well for his family. So I'm in this wobble right now, even in as I share with all of you, but I think it's important to remember, right, like, we talk about the iceberg here a lot in context of our teenagers what's going on under the surface. We all have icebergs, right? It's not just our children, we don't grow out of the iceberg, right? Behaviour makes sense for all of us. Our behaviour is the tip of the iceberg. Our behaviour is manifested by what's happening under the surface. Our behaviour is a solution to a problem that might not be apparent, right, a problem that's going on under the surface. We all have the iceberg. So what's happening under the surface when we've got a partner who is is overly firm, authoritarian. My way the highway, you know that are tough guy holding the line. And sometimes it's not always the husband, sometimes it's the wives that are the crazy ones not crazy, but overly firm. Right? What is it? What is under the surface? Is it fear? Right? Like, is it the idea that we'll if we don't demand respect from our kids, then they just won't give it to us? Right? Where does that come from? Right? Or the idea that if we're not hard on our kids, they won't be able to handle life in the world? So we've got to be hard. Is it conditioning? I mean, yeah, we are all affected by our conditioning 100%. But why I'm always so interested in curious about why some of us are working to dismantle the conditioning that we hold from our early years are first 18 years, or longer, or first 30 years. Some of us are like, Oh, I got some shit to work out. So I'm gonna work it out. Right, I want to work it out. And then others don't even acknowledge it. They just are rolling with it. As if they're making their own choices without realising No, you are actually living inside of this filter that's been created for you, based on your relationships and experiences growing up, right? And maybe it's that idea of the House of Cards, right? If I start to pay attention to what's going on with me, internally, everything falls apart. Right? Maybe that's part of it, too, that unwillingness to do the inner work, maybe it's too much to think about, considering I might be a part of the problem. I mean, to me, it feels like freedom, when I'm like, Oh, shit, I am actually influencing this. And if I show up differently, it makes a difference in everybody's experience, including my own right. That's exciting to me. And it's curious that it's not exciting to everybody, what is that about? Right? What is that about? I recently had a friend who said, I don't really like to talk about my feelings. Good thing. I'm

Casey O'Roarty 22:11
so positive and optimistic most of the time. And I was like, Yeah, well, just because you don't want to talk about him. Like it's a whole part of you that exists, right? It's a whole part of you that exists. And just because you ignore it doesn't mean it's not happening, that it doesn't exist, right? And the more that we practice being with our emotional experience, and digging around in there, and being curious, and trying to be different, right? Different, I mean, different, like, just more emotionally intelligent, right? Being more willing to consider the emotional experience of others, the better our relationships are, the better we get at it. They're like muscles, right, that we're working out. Yeah. And, you know, bringing it back to my conversation with Carol on Monday, you know, she mentions that her husband had hit rock bottom, right, when she had a plan and was ready to go, he realised he was facing losing the things that he cared about, right. And he was going to lose it if he wasn't willing to do the work of understanding himself and facing his trauma, and learning to do something different. And he very well could have said, Yeah, fuck you. You're the problem, which a lot of people do, right? I mean, sometimes we get feedback from people. And rather than listening and receiving the feedback, we move right into let why they're wrong. They don't know. Instead of hmm, is that true for me? Can I be curious about this? Right? He could have stayed inside of the illusion, that there wasn't anything for him to do differently. But even if he had done that Carol had a plan, like she didn't have anything to lose, because she was already ready to walk. And I think that's so interesting. And, you know, keeping in mind, when we're talking about parenting styles, and parenting styles that are different, oftentimes, it's rare to me, in the work that I do, it's rare to have parents that are 100% on the same page, you know, they do exist, those couples do exist. And they're both curious and learning together. And that's great. But most of the time, there are places where the styles are slightly different. And sometimes that's simply personality, but it's not a crisis, right? It's not a crisis. So sometimes parenting styles are different, but you aren't in a crisis

Casey O'Roarty 24:52
if that's where you find yourself, I think some things to keep in mind that are really useful as you continue to move through Adela essence is, and this is actually when Rowan was moving into high school and things started getting really hard. You know, we went to couples counselling, and our therapist was like, You guys need to get a life, you guys need to work on your relationship during the teen years. That's what your teenagers need. So, that being said, adolescence, different parenting styles, but no crisis, you get to work on relationship with your partner, right? You get to work on relationship with your partner, using the tools of communication, deep listening, curiosity, encouragement, all the things we talk about here in the context of our relationships with our teens. These are human relationship tools, right? It's not just about the parent child relationship, it is about the human relationship. So use those tools. Listen to some of these podcasts and put it in the context of your relationship with your partner. Start doing couples meetings, guess what they look just like family meetings? I actually did. Let's see if I can find it. I did a podcast with Connie flats. Yeah, Episode 244 is a podcast called Connie flats teaches us how to be mindful with our partners.

Casey O'Roarty 26:19
So there are resources, check that out. She talks about the couples meetings, Ben and I, we do them. And when we do them regularly, they make a huge difference in the entire week. A huge difference. We do compliments and appreciations. We clear any grievances we have we talk about how we're going to connect over the week we, you know, share places where we need support, it is really useful. It's really useful. You get to build a space for vulnerability, and plan for how to give and receive feedback, right? Because sometimes, oftentimes, we get to be witness to our partner's parenting, right? And we see some things that we want to give feedback on. Right? They are also witnessing our parenting. Right? And probably, they've got some feedback for us, too. So we get to be in conversation around what does it look like for us to talk about what we're observing what we're noticing? And can we build a space that feels safe for us where we're willing to not get defensive? Right? Because that's not what it's about. It's about hearing the feedback, and seeing yourself through somebody else's eyes being curious and encouraging each other. Right? So different parenting styles is not horrible. When you're not in crisis, sometimes, like this poster in the Facebook group, sometimes parenting styles, or human being styles does bring you into a crisis. Right? And I think, you know, like I mentioned, midlife, we've grown simultaneously, we're not who we were, when we first got together, maybe I think when we are in a place like that, and we do feel a little existential crisis, or, you know, we're seeing how our partner's actions are actually harming doing harm, then we get to really sit inside of how could things be different? Right? How could this look? And I'm talking like the structure of the family, the structure of the family? How might it look different? There is a space between being together getting a divorce, what exists inside of that space? Right? Is it living together? Apart? Right, where you're in the same household, but you're no longer? Like an exclusive couple? Does it look like living apart? But staying together? Does it look like? What does it look like? There's a lot of options. Turns out turns out, there's a lot of traditional ideas about what family should look like that are kind of outdated. So explore that? I don't know, right? Think about what you would need to do to leave, like, let yourself imagine, what would it take, right? If you're in crisis? What would that take? Who is your support team, right? And of course, I want to say safety. Always, if you are in an unsafe abusive situation, you grab those kids and you get out. You find resources and you do whatever you need to do to keep yourself safe from harm. Right? And you get to be in possibility. Who are your people who is your support team? Who can help you find resources? Right, just like Carol did.

Casey O'Roarty 29:40
I really really appreciated what she shared and her generosity and sharing and remember, your partner gets to be in charge of their relationship with the kids. We you and me. We get to do our own work around be do have being doing and having what we want With our kids, it is not our responsibility to manage our partner's relationship with our growing kids. And I know I wish it was not so messy. But it is. It's messy. It's not neat and tidy. And again, the only person we can control is ourselves. And I loved there, I have to just share in that Facebook post, one of the parents that chimed in, ah, she had such a great response. She said, with deep respect and kindness, I think it's pretty likely that you have a much bigger problem with the inconsistency than your kids do. That's because he's your husband, and it feels like he's supposed to be your partner. And every non partner a parenting act feels like a small betrayal plus it as annoying fallout that you find not only unpleasant but also unfair. She goes on to give like, such solid advice. So yeah, if you go into the Facebook group, to find this post, be sure to read the comments, because there's some great, useful feedback and comments there. Yeah, right. It's messy. And it's messy. It's messy. Kids are okay. The kids are okay. Even when the parenting styles are different. Keeping that in mind. They know you both, right? They know you both they've been learning and observing you both since the beginning. They know what it takes to be in relationship with each of you. Right? They know what to expect from you. They know what to expect from your partner, because they've learned it. Right? They're learning it over time. I think about my kids and the model that I am that we my husband and I are for them, I think about, you know, what do I want my daughter to take away from watching me in partnership with her dad? What do I want my son to understand about partnership based on how I am showing up in mine? And what are the values that are being modelled in the adult relationship? In our family? Right, those are the questions that I have. And I don't think there needs to be a united front. I don't think that I do think we get to keep it real, we get to say you know, your dad and I or your mom and I, we don't agree on this. And sometimes that means things are going to lean a little bit more towards firmness. Sometimes they might lean a little bit more easygoing. But you get to just keep it real. Our kids want you to keep it real life is messy. human relationship is messy. So let's quit acting like it's not are trying to act like it's not because they know they're like you guys are a mess. What's most important to me, is, you know, the experience of dignity and respect. You know how I love to talk about that broken record. This is about your health and well being. You know, when we're talking about screens, or dating or substance use, you know, I often will encourage my clients to kind of be a broken record around Hey, man, this is health and well being this is health and well being well, this is another place to be a broken record, when we see perhaps harm being done by our partners in their relationships with their kids, I think we can come back to dignity and respect. What does dignity and respect look like here? And who's the grown up? Right? Who's the grown up? Which can be weaponized? That question. So tread lightly there, tread lightly there. I know. It's hard. I know. It's hard, get help. If you're listening, and you're like, Oh, my God. Casey, I can't believe you're talking about this right now. That happens all the time. By the way, you guys reach out to me and you're like, oh, my gosh, the topic was perfect. How did you know? Because we're on a collective experience. It's happening for all of us. And relationship is hard. And raising teenagers is hard. And raising teenagers, while also trying to nurture and be connected to our partners is hard, right? So get help, get help find a coach or a therapist to listen and work with the two of you. Or if your partner is unwilling to do that. Get yourself someone, right, that counts that matters. It matters a lot, actually. Because even if you're the only one who's willing to show up differently, there is a ripple effect, there is an impact. So get the support you need to be who you know, is the person your kids need. All right. This vine, that was a fun episode. I

Casey O'Roarty 34:31
love talking about all this. All right, so takeaways, speaking of the Facebook group, I want to remind you that each week I post in the Facebook group these questions and there's a little bit of conversation that happens I'm trying to keep everybody engaged in the podcast. So here are the questions one, what are your takeaways? What did you write down? What did you pause the podcast to capture? What were those things for you to what's currently alive in the relationship you have with the person or the P People that you parent with, right? Maybe you are living together with your parenting partner. Maybe you have two separate households, maybe there's your parenting partner in another household and their partner. Maybe it's you, you know, and a new partner, I don't know, there's a lot of situations, right? So what's alive in the relationship you have with the person or people you parent with? And what do you need to feel more confident and grounded in your relationship with your kids, regardless of how your parenting partner is showing up? Those are my questions today. Today, today, look, I started off singing a song to you, unless I cut it out, I might have cut it, I'll see. And now I'm ending with a song, I want to also end with a new review. Turns out if I talk about reviews all the time on the pod, you jump in there and leave more, which is awesome. Thank you so much. It's such a great, great way to let people know that this is an awesome podcast that it's making a difference to you and your life, and that it will make a difference in other people's lives. So here we go. Last week, someone wrote in making a difference five stars. GC shows up every week in the sticky muck of raising teens. For me, I believe in positive discipline, but struggle to get there she takes my progress and fits and starts down the path of positive disciplining keeps me striving for a positive relationship with my son. Thank you, Casey. You're welcome. Thank you for giving me that feedback and letting the people know that this is a useful place to drop in and yeah, into roll around in the parenting teens experience. I adore you. Thank you so much for listening, reach out if you need anything, know that I'm always open for coaching. If you go to be spreadable.com/explore you can book a 15 minute call with me and we can see if coaching is the right fit for you. So if you're listening to these podcasts, and you're feeling like man, I wish I had Casey in my back pocket. You can you can hire me as your coach. So book and explore call. I also have other offers that I can share with you that might be a better fit. But yeah, I appreciate you. I hope you have a beautiful weekend and I'll be back on Monday. Bye.

Casey O'Roarty 37:39
Thank you so much for listening in today. Thank you so much to my spreadable partners, Julieta and Alana as well as Danielle and Chris Mann and the team at pod shaper for all the support with getting this show out there and helping it to sound so good. Check out our offers for parents with kids of all ages and sign up for our newsletter to stay better connected at B sprout double.com. Tune back in on Monday for a brand new interview and I will be back solo with you next Thursday. Have a great day.