Brandie Weikle and the New Family

Transcription

Casey O'Roarty 0:09
Hey, listeners, welcome back to the podcast. This is Casey, your hostess. I am really excited about this little bonus episode, because I am interviewing Brandi weikly. She is an all around amazing human being. She runs an incredible website called the new family, and has been a long time parenting editor. She's a writer and spokesperson. She is also a podcast host and runs a podcast called The New Family podcast with some similar guests and similar topics to yours truly. And I've seen Brandi pop up in some of my Facebook networking groups, and I'm just really intrigued by her story and the work that she puts out into the world. So I said, Hey, come be on my podcast. And she said, Okay, and I get to be on hers too. Yay. All Hands up for collaborative spirits. Love that. So Brandy is on the podcast today, and we're going to talk all about her and her offer and her unique family situation and the cool things that she does through her site. So thank you for being here. Thank you for listening. Really appreciate you and excited to talk to Brandi. So let's meet her.

Welcome to the show. Brandi, I am so excited to have you on.

Brandie Weikle 1:43
Thank you so much for having me on. Casey, I've really been looking forward to our chat.

Casey O'Roarty 1:48
Yeah, me too. Please tell the listeners a bit about yourself and your story and the new family. Sure.

Brandie Weikle 1:56
Thank you. Yes. Well, I live in Toronto, Canada with my two sons, ages 12 and eight. I'm a long time parenting journalist. I actually worked for my I had my first parenting magazine job when I was 25 before I actually had any children of my own, and worked for various publications, most recently editor in chief of Canadian family magazine. But always knew that I wanted to do my own thing. But of course, like many people, feared that entrepreneurial leap, I had owned a URL called the new family.com for some time, and then when, unfortunately, though, fortunately, because it's led me to a lot of great things since the magazine that I was editing shut down due to declining advertising, as is often happening these days, I decided to take the leap and start a family website and resources be all about the ways that family is changing and adapting these days. So our our kind of tagline is modern views on family life. And I was always aware that there was a bit of kind of a thing in parenting media that can kind of suggest that if your family doesn't look like the mom and the dad and the golden retriever, that you're sort of left out of it a little bit. And I wanted to start sort of a more modern and contemporary take on parenting. I

Casey O'Roarty 3:20
love that, and I love that it's really an invitation to celebrate all the different shapes and sizes. You know, in a time where families look so diverse, coupled with like, the political climate around what family should look like, I just really appreciate that your website and your offer is really in celebration of family however it comes.

Brandie Weikle 3:45
Oh, thanks so much. Yeah, we really do sort of say that it's about exploring and celebrating those many shapes that family takes.

Casey O'Roarty 3:52
Yeah, and you've got some great projects going on over there too. Can you tell the listeners about the 1000 family project?

Brandie Weikle 4:00
Yes, happy to really excited about this. We're actually closing in on our 200th family of the 1000 families project. So

Casey O'Roarty 4:08
I was wondering, I was wondering how far you'd gotten. Yeah,

Brandie Weikle 4:11
so the the longer name that I have for the series is, I bet we can find 1000 ways to be a family. So the project's just that we are telling the first person stories in a guest blog series, they're written in first person. So these families tell the story of what family means to them. Sometimes their family is quite quote, unquote, non traditional, for lack of a better word. There are times it is a heteronormative family, but there's something you might not expect about them, the idea being that every family has some uniqueness in it. So we've had families with two moms, with two dads, adoptive families, surrogate families, and all kinds of families that arrived, perhaps the more expected biological. Way, but every time there is an aspect of storytelling that's quite personal and gives us a glimpse into that family's life

Casey O'Roarty 5:12
that's so great, and is the invitation for anyone who wants to participate in the project, there's absolutely you have to be a writer.

Brandie Weikle 5:19
No, you don't. In fact, there's been times where I've really wanted someone's story because it was quite unique, but the person was not at all a writer. And in those cases, I have kind of lured the, kind of drawn the story out of them through asking them questions by email and that sort of thing. And I can pull it together that way. So where the person is comfortable as a writer, it's, it goes quite, you know, relatively unedited and in their own voice. And if they need some help there, that's there as well. So the idea is definitely for it to be, where possible, a platform for people to tell the stories of their families who might not normally have a platform right in in my world, and I'm sure in yours as well, there's a lot of parenting bloggers, people who have their own voice and way of getting it out there, but I'm really hoping to reach not only those people who have their own blogs and but those who do not, and really don't normally get a chance to celebrate their family,

Casey O'Roarty 6:17
right? And how powerful it must be for families to have this space that is open and accepting and curious and again, back to that word celebrating every possible family that you know that can show up. I love that. Thanks

Brandie Weikle 6:36
so much. You know, it's been I've been respectful. Thank you. I've been very humbled by the response to it. There have been a couple of times where someone has come up to me in a cafe and asked if I'm Are you Brandy? And I've been reading the series, and I feel validated by what I've seen or read. And that just makes my well, not even my day. It makes my year, because it just means a lot to me that they might feel a little bit less alone if they happen to find a family that looks a little bit more like their own. So I think it got kind of validating to people.

Casey O'Roarty 7:13
Yeah, and so what's, what's the most surprising outcome that you've experienced spearheading this project and putting it together

Brandie Weikle 7:21
well that, I guess, that we were all the same, if, even if, we're different. You know, people might expect that life's really different in a family with two dads and a gaggle of adoptive kids, but really, they have the same long days as anybody else trying to get a bunch of kids, you know, out the door to school or daycare in the morning. And so I guess our similarities behind all the surface stuff would be what strikes me most.

Casey O'Roarty 7:58
Hmm, love that. Well, I love scrolling through all the pictures so listeners, when you go on, and I'll have links to everything in the show notes, but getting on your website, and, you know, going to that page, and just scrolling through the pictures of all the different families and seeing the different titles. And, you know, I only read a few and, but I read a lot of titles, and it was just really inspiring and encouraging. And, you know, I don't know there was just this lightness that that showed up for me, like, Oh yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. You know, there's room for all families.

Brandie Weikle 8:36
Thanks. I'm glad that you took that away from it. And you know, I think that part of the reason why this may resonate with people is that there's a lot of heavy in the news. Yes, you know, there's so much that we read about that's kind of hard to take. And this has a bit of a positive message that I think people have maybe found a bit fresh. Yeah,

Casey O'Roarty 8:57
love it. Love it. And you're also a divorce consultant, yes,

Brandie Weikle 9:01
I It's interesting because I have my own, and we'll get into it a little bit like I have my own, sort of recognizing that was a weird segue, not at all, but I have my own quite amicable post divorce situation that has led people to kind of asking me and looking to me for some guidance on how to get through this time. So I've begun offering myself as a consultant to just talk people through some of the different stages, point them in the direction of resources, like a mediator, talk to them about some of what they need to know, and just do a little hand holding through telling the kids and some of that tough stuff, and just provide that message that you know it's gonna be tough at first, but you are gonna create a new normal, and you are still gonna be able to be a family after after this. So that's why I've started to kind of put a lot more resources into trying to just help people who are going through separation and divorce. Yes,

Casey O'Roarty 10:00
yeah, and and you host a podcast as well, the new family podcast. And so I was telling you, before we started recording, that I listened to Episode 50 this morning. Milestone. Congratulations.

Brandie Weikle 10:14
Thank you so much. Was nice. Yes, that I bet.

Casey O'Roarty 10:19
And you co hosted that show with your ex husband, so it was fascinating to listen to the two of you talk about what you've created over the years. Will you share a little bit about your story with the listeners?

Brandie Weikle 10:31
Absolutely. So when we first separated, my ex husband just moved into the basement apartment that was in our house. Luckily, we had this that kind of space, so we were able to do this temporary kind of band aid solution on our situation. And we lived like that for about a year. And it was, it was never meant to be long lasting, but it did, kind of, it did, sort of take us through the first part, and then we were just struggled to figure out what we were going to do next. Neither of us could stand the idea of having really very much space from the children. We still wanted loads of access to them every day. And then, by chance, one day was I had just been confessing to a girlfriend that I was really stressed, that we were both really stressed about where Derek was going to move, and I was riding my my bike back from that coffee and up the driveway when the landlord of the place next door, which has long been a rental property in a neighborhood with not that many rental properties, was showing some people an apartment there because the young women in the two bedroom upstairs were about to move out, and within minutes, it was sorted out, and my ex had come out and talked to the landlord and arranged to rent it, and he has actually been living next door across a mutual driveway for me for the last six and a bit years. Incredible. So our kids go, go back and forth. They actually kind of alternate nights, which would be too onerous on kids, if you were taking them, had to pack them up anywhere and go anywhere, but it's what they know and what they expect. And because of this setup, there's usually not a 24 hour period unless one of us is traveling or something, which we can do when we need to. But there's usually not a 24 hour period when we both don't see them at least briefly. So I might step out onto my front porch and talk to them while they're coming in from practice, or stick my head out the back door where they're shooting hoops, or walk them to school in the morning I don't have them, and likewise, their dad will drop by for to help out with homework or say good night. And we've actually continued to do this, even though he is now remarried to Amy boy's stepmom, who's really an incredible person, when you think about what it takes to come into that situation and be a big person about it and not be threatened and just absolutely have the boys first, boys interests top of mind. So we've been fortunate to have our situation. We know it's not for everybody. There are a lot of people with a lot more hurt and anger between them than would perhaps allow for this, right? But for us, it's been really

Casey O'Roarty 13:14
wonderful. And you lead a private Facebook group, that's right?

Brandie Weikle 13:18
I just really wanted to do something else to provide a forum for people who are going through this, so I started a private Facebook group. I only began it after Christmas this this past year, and it's called positive co parenting after divorce. You can look it up by searching on that term, or maybe I'll send you the link.

Casey O'Roarty 13:38
Yeah, I'll definitely have the link in the show notes. Thank

Brandie Weikle 13:41
you so much. But what has happened there is really something that's got about 370 some members now, and it is such a positive state space where people are really supporting each other through the process of separating and divorcing. Some of them have situations that are really positive, amicable, like mine with Derek. Others have situations that are really horrible, but they're looking to the looking to the group for support resources, hope that their situation can get better. And what I'm loving about it now is that, of course, in the very beginning, I was the main person getting the conversation going, but now I can wake up in the morning find that someone has posted an issue, and 18 people have responded with support, and that's just really heartening. And we've now started to have some in person meetups have happened in the Toronto area, and I think people in some other parts are trying to connect in their areas as well. And it's just really great to bring all those people together who are just don't accept that getting a divorce needs to be terrible on the kids, and they really want to find a way to co parent.

Casey O'Roarty 14:53
Well, that's so great. I mean, I'm a child of divorce, and I was five. I think when my. Parents finally really split. And, you know, it was the 70s, so every other weekend we got to see our dad. And when I think about that now, how little time he got to see us, it kind of, I mean, even just saying it out loud, it makes me feel really emotional, because he was, you know, a big part of our life, and and in wanted to be in our life and, you know, yeah, also the community, you know, well, I don't need to get into that, but, but that

Brandie Weikle 15:28
was a model back then. That was the model, yeah, my parents were divorced too. I was with my we were with our dad every Wednesday night and every second weekend and and that was it. And it was hard on people and that generation of divorces, they didn't have something more positive to model themselves after they were the first cohort to get divorced in the no fault era, and they had no model other than a very warring winner takes all kind of court based thing to base their ideas of divorce on and unfortunately, there just weren't a lot of people even talking about something like a 5050, arrangement.

Casey O'Roarty 16:08
Yeah. Well, good for you. Thank you for leading the cause. And yes, I love it when communities come together to support each other, and you as the expert, or me as the expert, I get to kind of take a couple steps back and just watch them, you know, interact and support and celebrate and share. And it's such a beautiful thing. So again, I will make sure that link is in the show notes. So let's talk a little bit about your podcast.

Brandie Weikle 16:33
Sure. Yeah, really fun thing to start and launch it back in September, around the one year anniversary of the new family. And, yeah, I'm loving it.

Casey O'Roarty 16:44
I know I'm really impressed that you can put out two shows a week. Well,

Brandie Weikle 16:48
there are moments where I wonder if I was crazy to do that, but I wanted to have enough content to get some momentum, get the full feeling that they could come there quite often to find new stuff. It's a bit of work, though, certainly. Oh, I know, you know, and, but I think I'm learning, and there are efficiencies that you start to develop after a little while just getting into a workflow. Yeah, totally,

Casey O'Roarty 17:19
totally. And we've had some of the same guests and covered or covered some of the same topics with different guests, which I love. I love linking to your stuff and letting my community know, especially because I think parents, not all parents, but I'm noticing that there's a lot of parents that aren't really tuned in to this whole podcasting thing. Yeah. So it's so I especially like running into people and saying, when they're What are you doing? And, oh, I'm podcasting, and I don't even know what that is. And I say, give me your phone.

Brandie Weikle 17:50
Exactly that. Let

Casey O'Roarty 17:52
me sign you up, right? Yeah, that's

Brandie Weikle 17:54
one of the things that's like, while slightly frustrating in some ways, also extremely exciting, because I think something like only 20% of people are regular podcast users and listeners. So that means there's this wonderful landscape ahead of converting the other 80% to podcast listening, and there's plenty of people, even quite technically literate, who just haven't gotten the habit of podcast listening, but it has added so much to my life, just even setting aside the fact that I now run one myself. But ever since I became a regular podcast listener, I consider myself to have gone to podcast university, to have learned a ton of stuff while just walking, while doing a workout, while getting the groceries, while folding the laundry, and yep, it really can improve the experience of doing mundane household chores. And it

Casey O'Roarty 18:46
sure can. I feel the same way. Yeah, you can explore

Brandie Weikle 18:49
all these topics. There really is something for everyone. And one of my reasons for going into that space was looking around at what information entrepreneurs are doing. Who are parents? There's, there was a fair number of mom bloggers already in the YouTube space. We know that, right? But there didn't seem to be videos more established, but there didn't seem to be a ton of at that point. I didn't think the landscape of really quality parenting podcasts was as crowded as, say, the YouTube space, and I feel like there's a lot of potential there for people like you and me to offer really good content in that area.

Casey O'Roarty 19:30
Yeah, I think you're right. And I you know, and I think, and it's so funny too, because now that I'm podcasting, I heard I have to really schedule time to write. I don't want to write. I just want to talk to people.

Brandie Weikle 19:43
Yes, it's true. It does take time, and it becomes other medium, and there's something very intimate about it, isn't there? Yeah, and that's also part of what I love about it. I think that, and as you know, some of the topics dovetail with some of the guests are. Who have contributed story to 1000 families, not always, but sometimes. And it's considering that my readers have gotten to know these people through their own words in the written word, I find they have a fair amount of curiosity to then hear that person talking and sharing quite a bit more depth about their situation. Yeah, you just you get to know people when you're listening to their voices,

Casey O'Roarty 20:21
yeah, who have been some of your favorite guests? It is so hard to decide,

Brandie Weikle 20:25
because I have quite an affection for a lot of them. But let's just see, at the very beginning, I had an episode called parenting a transgender child, and my guest, Amanda jet Knox, just really opened up about what it was like to have the child she knew as a son reveal that that she'd rather live as a daughter, and that was authentic and for for her, and it's been quite a journey for Amanda, she has become an incredible advocate on trans issues, and there's been all kinds of different subjects. I was able to get Catherine Woodward Thomas on the podcast. She's the author of conscious uncoupling. We think of that term as attached. That's right. It's actually coined by by Catherine, who had a book by that name now, but previously had an online course that Gwen Gwyneth and Chris had been taking, or maybe just Gwyneth, who knows, but anyway,

Casey O'Roarty 21:32
she may have been giving him the Cliff Notes or leaving it by the toilet, or Something like moms everywhere

Brandie Weikle 21:40
and just other people, just sharing personal stories, like a dad called David Knapp Fisher, who talked about having taking the this incredible just everything he did, he moved mountains to take his child on an incredible trip to Europe before he lost the ability to walk. And so yeah, there's, there's been a ton of of great conversations.

Casey O'Roarty 22:04
So I'm gonna link up to those episodes in the show notes too, so that people can get to them really easily. Um, yay. Well, Brandy, thank you so much for offering up some time to chat it up with me and to let us get to know you. Oh, so excited. Yeah, super great. And my last question that I ask all my guests is, what does joyful courage mean to you?

Brandie Weikle 22:30
I think that's a lovely last question, and I've been thinking it over a little bit, and I think that joyful courage, to me, means having the courage to to live whatever authentic path, whatever path is authentic for you. I think there's a lot of people who get pulled along by life, not necessarily with as much intention as as they could. And it's easy for that to happen, but I think of life as not really a dress rehearsal. It's a cliche, of course, but we only get one shot at this, and I think that particularly fine now for me in my 40s, it's really important to me to be have have something to do for a living, something that I find a lot of meaning in. So whatever that is for you, whatever lights you up and has meaning for you that's pursuing that path, that's joyful courage to me.

Casey O'Roarty 23:31
Ah, love it. Thanks. Brandi,

Brandie Weikle 23:35
Oh, thanks, Casey, it's been such a treat to get to chat with you. Yeah.

Casey O'Roarty 23:38
So your website is new family.com

Brandie Weikle 23:42
Yeah, the new family.com That's right. Okay. And where else

Casey O'Roarty 23:45
can listeners find you and follow you?

Brandie Weikle 23:48
Well, they can look for us on on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, we're on there, the new family. And what else? Of course, you can find us through iTunes, Institute radio, by searching for the new family. Great

Casey O'Roarty 24:06
and all the twitter and instagram that's all at the new family that's right, yes. Okay, excellent, great. Well, thank you so much. Thanks

Brandie Weikle 24:16
again. Casey, you music.

Casey O'Roarty 24:23
Thank you listeners for hanging in there and enjoying the conversation that I got to have with Brandi. Isn't she so great? I really encourage you all to check out her show. She's had some amazing guests, and again, all those links are going to be in the show notes. One other thing you may have noticed that I have a new beginning to the podcast, shouting out to my supporters over at Maslow, and I want you all to know that I have access to a coupon code that will get you the common connected parenting program for. For free. So your call to action in this podcast is to email me, and in the subject line, I would like for you to put Maslow coupon and and I'll get back to you, and I'll give you that coupon so that you can take advantage of the common connected parenting program for a limited time for free. Woo hoo. So everyone out there in podcast land, have a beautiful, beautiful day or evening or morning or whatever time it is that you happen to be listening. I so appreciate you. I so appreciate your feedback. Don't forget to join us over at the live and love with joyful courage Facebook page, like joyful courage on Facebook as well as Instagram at joyful courage, Twitter at joyful courage, Pinterest, joyful underscore, courage. What else is there? Twitter, Instagram, Pinterest, Facebook, that's all I can handle. I'm grateful for each and every one of you and you're listening, feel free to reach out with any questions or comments and loving the reviews on iTunes. So whatever works for you, feedback is good. Big, huge. Love. Bye.