Transcription
Casey O'Roarty 0:04
Hey, listeners, welcome. You are listening to the joyful purge podcast, a place for inspiration and information on the parenting journey. I am your host, Casey o'rourdy, positive discipline trainer, parent coach and parent of two teenagers of my own, I am honored to be a guide and a fellow traveler on the path of more connected and thoughtful parenting. Today is a solo episode, meaning it's just you and me. I'm getting super vulnerable with you all today, and I hope that you find the content landing in your heart. If you want more joyful courage. Know that there are a few places that you can join in our community, the live and love with joyful courage. Facebook Group is a safe space for talking about whatever is coming up for you on your parenting journey, as well as the joyful courage parents of teens group on Facebook, because parents of teens are deserving of their own space. If you know what I mean, you can also follow joyful courage business page on Facebook and look me up on Instagram at joyful underscore courage, I love to connect with my listeners. Shoot me an email, or you can direct message me on social media if you're interested in the joyful courage Academy coaching or simply want to say hi and share your experience of the content. I love, love, love hearing from you and now enjoy the episode. Hey everybody, welcome back to the podcast. I am stoked that you are listening. I am honored that you keep showing up and that you find value in my work. I've been blessed these last few weeks hearing from so many of you through messages and in the Facebook group for teens and via Instagram about how what I'm putting out in the world is landing for you. Also, as I record this today, it's we're just warming up in the joyful courage Academy program. And again, you know, putting the work that I believe is important out into the world and then getting the feedback that it makes a difference in people's lives. That's amazing and encouraging, right? Amazing and encouraging. And you know, as I sat down to really think about what I wanted to bring to this week's solo show. I have to be super honest, this is going to be a pretty vulnerable share. I had a hard time. I thought I wanted to talk about expectations and attachment, and really didn't. It just couldn't like I sat down to write, because a lot of times I'll write out kind of what it is that I want to talk about, and it just felt like so challenging for me to stay connected with what was coming up. And I think the reason for that is I'm really in my own work right now of finding some space inside my fears and worries about my own parenting. And this feels really vulnerable to say, because, as I mentioned, you know, I get a lot of feedback from you all, letting me know that what I'm putting out there is offering tools and and experiences and mindsets that are making a difference in Your Life, and I'm also having my own parenting experience. And I think for any of you that have listened to me for any length of time, you know that I am not shy about speaking into being on the journey alongside of you, and I struggle with the same questions that you're struggling with. Am I too permissive? Right? That's one of my questions. Am I avoiding conflict, or am I meeting my kids where they're at? Am I being pragmatic? Or is this confusing to my kids? Am I enabling again, or am I meeting them where they're at? I have questions like, what's going to happen to them? I get stuck in worry about, are they going to be able to cope in the future? Will they live productive lives? Will there. Ever feel passionate about anything? Do they feel worthy of showing up and standing up and giving back? Are they going to make a difference in the world? Are they going to trust that they can make a difference in the world? Are they going to see themselves through the lens that I see them with so much strength and character and creativity and awesomeness that I don't always see them embracing inside of themselves. And I've literally been waking up in the middle of the night gripped by tension in my body and in my mind, and I'm spinning through all of these questions, and the physical experience is like a really tight belly, a really tight chest, tears kind of trapped in my throat, tight shoulders, and just this continual what if, What if? What if I'm getting it all wrong? So yeah, yeah, it's, it feels heavy. I'm, you know, it feels heavy, and I think it's important to speak into because I know through my work that I'm not alone and that many of you, not all of you, but many of you might be either right now or last week or last year or whenever, have been in this, you know, we talk about this right when our kids are babies like I remember reading blog posts where it's like, in the dark of night, I'm holding my baby, and, you know, it's that that isolation and that just that fear of being alone inside of all of this, it exists, and I think that it exists pretty hardcore in the teen years and and I just want to kind of shatter that wall of of isolation, and I want to shatter that wall of silence and speak into my experience, because I know that it makes a difference in your life, even as you know, my little voice in my head is, but wait, Casey, you're the Teacher, you're the guide, you're the facilitator. What are people going to think if you don't know what you're doing, why would anyone want to listen to you? And it's not so much that I don't know what I'm doing. I don't think that that's true. I think that it becomes really challenging to hold on to what I believe to be true while also being in this container with my kids, who are doing their own falling apart in a variety of ways. So yeah, there has been kind of some panic in the middle of the night, sweats and worry and really not being able to breathe my way out of it, right? So what I decided to do, because I know that we get to do this together, is to make an appointment to see my favorite energy worker, to see if I could get some help with removing this block stuck kind of dark energy, and letting it go so that I could release the fears, right? And so I went in, made my appointment, went in, started talking about what I'm experiencing, and what came up through the course of my appointment is that energy work is great, and it's time For me to get some therapy. Yeah,
therapy for Casey. See, I'm super aware of what's happening when it's happening like I my awareness is through the roof. I can see the way, like right now, I feel like I'm in the middle of my family and I'm like, grasping for these strings to get a sense of control and a sense of safety, and what's happening in the process is that I'm becoming so entangled in their experience, and recognizing that that entanglement might actually be making things worse for everyone, right? I'm questioning codependence, perhaps, or maybe not, maybe, maybe I'm not making it worse, but the dynamics in my relationship are not what I want them to be in this moment, I. Yeah, and really recognizing coming back to what I believe, which is, when I change the way that I show up, it will change the relationship that I have with my family, right? And so I'm coming back to that, go to like, I just got to shift into love. I have to shift into connection. What's my intention? I need to surrender. I need to let go. But what is happening? What I've learned, or was reminded of from my energy worker, is that the shift I want to have happen like just shift into love. Casey, what I'm doing is I'm bypassing the very real need that my inner little girl has to be seen and heard and felt right. So there's this idea that I've been holding, that I am doing deep work, that I am, you know, I'm meditating in the morning, I'm journaling, getting out into nature, breathing, right? But I'm not really acknowledging the elephant in the room. So I'll give you a little back story. So between the messages that I received growing up and the persona, right, this persona that I try to fill very authentically in my career, there is this mistaken idea that to belong or to matter or to be doing my work, I need to not fall apart, right? That the falling apart is somehow weak or a crutch, or I don't know, not enlightened enough for who I am, and I can really pinpoint the times in my life where my experience was being dismissed, where I was told that there wasn't enough space for me to break down, and I internalized that to the point where I Can't seem to move through my pain, and right now, the pain is showing up as fear and self doubt and worry my system like I can feel it right now in my body, my system is tingling my my physical system is showing Me, in this moment that I am speaking my truth right now, because it's very uncomfortable and my head wants to take the shortcut. You know, I know what to do. I'm just gonna breathe. I'm gonna breathe into my body and find neutral. I'm gonna take the balcony seat, right? Doesn't this sound familiar? Breath, body balcony, that's all I need. Come on, Casey, and then there's this beat up of like, come on, if you would just do the practice, you wouldn't have the self doubt, you wouldn't have the fear, you wouldn't have the worry. And I'm not here saying that the breath, body balcony tool isn't helpful. I believe that it is. And there are times when the work that's being called for goes deeper than mindfulness and breath and journaling, right? And I am feeling myself, and I'm guessing some of you know this experience, I'm feeling myself bumping up against my judgment around my practice and, you know, and just not not being able to move through the experience that I'm having. So it's really time to work out what I'm being shown as a place to get messy and dig in, and it's actually going to support me in getting ever better at using mindfulness more effectively, using the three B's as a tool, more effectively, without bringing in the baggage of what I'm holding from my own past. Because I think that's it like I'm I'm carrying these heavy suitcases, but I'm not acknowledging the suitcases. So then I'm like, okay, breath body balcony. I'm lugging the suitcases up the stairs to the balcony, thinking that I'm getting this broader perspective, but I'm still looking through the lens of, don't fall apart. There's no room for you to lose it. And by lose it. I don't mean lose it on my kids. I mean, like, really take a look, a deep look, a real look at where this fear and worry and self doubt is coming from, where this feeling of being unsafe is coming from, right? And so it's time. I'm declaring it being time to go there. And it's like when I work with teachers. So I've been gifted the opportunity to work with a few of the elementary schools here locally in Bellingham, and the program that I teach is positive discipline in the classroom, which is a social, emotional character development curriculum that we teach to teachers to use. Work with their students and to teach with their students, and it's super useful, right? All of the tools and the practices and the lessons, it is useful for all kids. For sure, there is also a small percentage of kids that are going to need more than just the positive discipline tools, right? They're going to need a team of people that are connecting with them. They're going to need, you know, a team that includes their parents, that includes specialists, that include, you know, more focused approaches to what it is that they're bumping up against. Right? For a variety of reasons, they need a team. They need creative problem solving that's a little bit more out of the box than the majority, right? And that's where, well, and the funny thing about these kids is, you know, while they're a much smaller percentage in the classroom, they take up the majority of the time with the teachers, right? And so that's where I am right now on my own journey, I need a team. I have some things to work through, and some beliefs to reframe and honestly, some validation of the human experience that I'm having. I and I get to spend some time digging into my stuff in a way that lets it all come undone, right, finding a feeling of safety for being with the breakdown that's right there. It's right on the surface, like I can feel it. It's a quiver in my voice. It's a little shake in my system, right? It's right there. But for whatever reason, I can't seem to open up to it. And so that's where I get to find someone to help me break through this so that I can get to the other side of these limiting beliefs that are guiding me and leading me to this place of fear and worry and really stifling my family, right? It's really getting in the way of my relationships and my family, and so I have I know for me, is this useful? I'm hoping this is useful. I'm just laying it all out there. You guys not afraid of being an open book. And I also want to say that this is a testament to how deeply I trust you as a community, because I know that you can see that the overshare here is really about opening the space for all of us to be messy human beings, right? We all get to be messy human beings. Yeah, so I am actively interviewing therapists. It's really important to me, so much so that I'm I'm dating, that's what I told my daughter. I'm dating some therapists, doing some consults, looking through websites, looking for things like somatic therapy and and things that I know resonate with me, using the body some more alternatives to the typical therapy experience, because I know that if we're just gonna go for my head, I'm not gonna find the breakthrough that I want, that it's really about unlocking my body. So I'm looking for people here in town that do work like that. That's what somatic therapy is, is about. But I feel really, I feel really good about that, and I want to read so I've, I'm working with my sweet academy group, and we're all, you know, everybody's learning,
everybody's excited about the initial content, and I'm excited too. And of course, it comes at the perfect time for all of us. But I want to share a little something from a book that I've been sharing in the academy, and it's actually a book that was that I heard about through my energy worker. Shout out to Jessica Ryan, love you girl. The book is called The path is everywhere. It's by Matt Licata, and there is a section where that just really speaks into everything that I'm talking about right now, specifically that that inner child, so I'm going to read it. This section is called, if a child were to appear at times, a child will appear at your door. She will be cold, scared and tired from a long journey, her heart may be broken, rage may be erupting from her body, and she may be confused and uncertain about who she is and what is being asked of her. How will you respond when she comes calling? Will you allow her entry? Move toward her with love and care? Curiosity and provide a sanctuary for her to fall apart in your arms. Or will you first demand that her fear convert to joy, her anxiety be healed, her confusion turn to clarity and her heart to be mended? Will you take the risk of caring deeply and listening carefully to the dreams, the stories, the feelings and the vulnerabilities which emanate from the little one in front of you.
Or will you admonish her to get over it, to urgently forgive, even if she's not ready, quickly transcend her heartbreak with spiritual techniques, or require that she stay unwaveringly in the present moment, demanding that she first surrender the dream of a separate self, the other is always appearing in both inner and outer forms. Looking carefully, you'll see externally as the people you are in relationship with who provide endless opportunities for you to remember, and internally, as the unmet other of the unlived life, of the abandoned feelings, emotions and somatic material that have been sent away into the forest of the unconscious in the hope of protecting you from the full spectrum nature of the path of the heart, the tired, open and luminous children of love will continue to appear, not to harm or as An obstacle along the way, but as an alchemical ally of integration and wholeness, by way of feeling, sign, symbol and soma, they will do anything to reach you before you turn from her and demand that she be someone Other than what she is. Open the door and see um, that really speaks to me, and when I read this through the lens of where I'm at right now, I that child is at my door, and it is the relationships and the experiences, really, that my people, who I'm close with are going through right now that are the opportunity for me to really recognize that child inside of me and to really acknowledge that, that she needs some she needs some love. She needs to know that she's okay. She needs to know that it's okay to let go and to fall apart, and that she is whole, creative and resourceful, even inside of the falling apart. And it's time to see her and to love her and to hold her and acknowledge her for who she is, right? So again, that came from the path is everywhere, uncovering the jewels hidden within you. And that's by Matt Licata. I'll put a link to the book in the show notes. It's just full of amazing, amazing reframes and mindsets and offerings for living in the in the life that we're in right and recognizing what's in front of us that sometimes we're blind to. Yeah, so that's what's up with me, you guys. I know that this show is going to be a little shorter than most, but I just feel like I can't keep showing up in our community without being really raw and real about what's alive in my life. Everybody's Okay, right? We're all okay. We're all living and, and it's hard, like I'm definitely in this period of time that is a growth period. I'm having a growth spurt. I'm having a spiritual, emotional growth spurt, and I'm feeling the growing pains, right, and I don't need anyone to fix me. What actually is really beautiful is just hearing that you get it and that perhaps you're in your own growth spurt, perhaps you're in your own growing pain, and just know that I am here for you, whoever you are that's listening, who's really resonating with what I'm talking about. I'm I'm here for you. The community is here for you. You're not alone. It feels really hard. And scary and but you're not alone, and there's always people that can help. None of us have a situation that a team of loving humans can't support us in moving through that I believe so that being said, thank you for tuning in this week, thank you for tuning in every week. Know that if you're a new listener, that I have lots of other shows, and many of them are interviews, I know the last couple weeks that sound has been kind of weird. I am working on that I have some new software that I'm using, and I can't quite figure out well, my producer, Chris Mann, appreciate you. Chris is trying to support me and understanding that I need to turn my mic volume down. For some reason I don't always do that. So yeah, so working on the sound, I've got some really powerful interviews coming your way in the next few weeks, and just really looking forward to continuing to be with you and community as we show our vulnerability and live through the messiness of this parenting journey in a way that grows us and supports us in feeling whole and worthy and complete. So have a beautiful week. And hey, do me a favor if this show in particular, if you or any show that you hear whenever you listen to the podcast and you feel really seen or heard or moved. Will you just do me a favor and jump into Apple podcasts and leave a review and five stars, because I think it's really important that more and more people are exposed to this work, and the only way that happens is by word of is really by word of mouth. I mean, I get into social media and the email marketing and stuff, but what really motivates people to listen in and check it out is your recommendation. So if you can jump into Apple podcasts, that would be amazing, and I'd be happy to read your review on air and show up in community. Big Love to you know the raw sharing that's been happening lately, and the in both the live and love group, as well as the parents of teens, joyful courage parents of teens group, I just really honor everybody's journey and where you're at and your willingness to be brave and show up. So thank you. Thank you. I'll see you next week. Bye. Thank you so much for listening. I am so honored to serve you each and every week. I love hearing about what you think of the show. A great place to share is Apple podcast, also known as iTunes, your review there will help others find the show and take in the goodness and you never know, I might read your review live on the podcast. Big. Thank you to my team, my project manager, Tay, my show notes writer, Allison, and my podcast editor extraordinaire, Chris Mann from pod shaper, so grateful for the ways you all support me and the work of joyful courage until next week, bring your attention to your breath. Ride it into your body. Find the balcony seat and trust that everyone is going to be okay, or book a therapy appointment. Whatever life is calling you to do you
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