Eps 188: Julie Neale Shares about Motherhood, Activism and the Power of Voice

Subscribe to the Podcast

Transcription

Casey O'Roarty 0:04
Hey, what is up podcast, listeners, I am so glad that you have found yourself at the joyful courage podcast. This is a place where we celebrate real and raw conversations about raising kids with conscious parenting and positive discipline. I'm your host. Casey o'rourdy, I'm a facilitator. I'm a parent coach. Most importantly, I am a mom of two teenagers, and I am walking the path of more mindful, intentional parenting right alongside of you. Please know that this podcast is created for you. I create it for you and for our community. And if you love it, feel free to share it with all of your family and friends over social media. Let's spread the word. Let's get as many people as possible listening to this show. Please write a review on Apple's podcast, formerly known as iTunes, and join the Patreon community, where parents, just like you are contributing just a small little amount each month to the show and enjoying perks like monthly webinars and community conversations about the content you hear on this podcast. Check the show notes for links and more details on all of that. I am so, so grateful that you are here and now. Enjoy the show. Hi, listeners. My guest today is Mother's quest founder, Julie Neal. Julie honors both the meaning and the mess of life and parenthood, and believes our children and youth challenge us to grow into our best selves. Sounds familiar, she is on a mission to live a truly epic life, and through her example, inspire her children to do the same. Her for purpose venture mothers quest provides inspiration coaching and community so that mothers and those who work with young people can connect to support and resources, fulfill their unique purpose and live their epic lives. After a 20 year career as a leader in youth serving nonprofit organizations, Julie turned her focus to coaching training at the coaches training institute and facilitating a process known as reflection for youth development professionals. Through this and her parenting experience, she realized that mothers and those who mother need an opportunity to reflect on their own growth dreams and plans, and created mother's quest to champion them with common care. She masterfully taps into her own curiosity and intuition to help her clients slow down from the busyness of life and work, reflect on what matters, clarify a future vision and move into action. In the fall of 2017 she founded the women podcasters in solidarity initiative to raise awareness and dollars for social justice issues through the power of podcasting. The first season focused on anti racism and police accountability, we're going to talk more about that initiative on today's show when she's not wrestling with her kindergartner or driving her teen to basketball practice, you can find her squeezing in 10 minutes of yoga and meditation believing something is better than nothing and staying up way too late to watch a double hitter of Handmaid's Tale and Super Soul Sunday. Hi Julie, welcome to the podcast.

Julie Neale 3:29
Hi Casey. I'm so excited to be here with you, and it's a surreal experience listening to your bio being read like that.

Casey O'Roarty 3:37
I know. How do you like that? It's kind of weird.

Julie Neale 3:40
It's all true, yeah, and it's so great.

Casey O'Roarty 3:42
I was so glad to get to find out so many new things that I didn't already know about you. Can you please share a little bit more about your journey of doing what you do with listeners? Absolutely,

Julie Neale 3:54
I love the power of metaphor, and one of the metaphors that I think of often, is this idea of planting seeds. And I think I've been planting seeds for the work I'm doing in the world and in my life for over a decade, actually decades. And you know, really it was as a youth development professional before I even had my own children, where I first became invested in helping young people grow into their potential, but I also learned and realized, because of the unique organization I was in, how critical it is for adults to be doing that work and to be growing themselves if they want to expect That of young people, and model that for young people, so that work and that ability as as a young adult, and then, you know, becoming a mother. I was with the same organization as a staff member for 12 years, but have been connected to them for 20 that really set me up, I think, in many ways. Ways to bring this work to mothers, and then I had my own really transformative and challenging motherhood journey. And so this is really the coming together of both of those paths my life. I

Casey O'Roarty 5:13
love that you highlight the importance of the modeling of continuing to grow and evolve as a human when that's the expectation we have of young people. I think so many of us, well, I can speak for myself, you know, coming into parenting. And yeah, I was in my late 20s, and by that time, you know, it's pretty easy to believe that you have it all figured out, and then you have kids, and it's like, Oh, dang, there is so much more growth and development opportunity here. So I just love that, and I think it's so powerful when we can be really transparent and explicit about our own path of growing for our kids, right,

Julie Neale 6:01
right? It is such a gift, and that is something that I do all the time. I talk with both of my children about the things that I'm struggling with, and I also often ask them for their own advice. And am, you know, usually blown away by how insightful they are and how much something they say shifts something in me. So it really is this reciprocal relationship between ourselves and their children when we allow ourselves to be vulnerable and authentic with them.

Casey O'Roarty 6:31
Yeah, and how you have two boys, right?

Julie Neale 6:33
I do. I have a six and a half year old, and then my I have a teenager. You and I have been bonding over the mothering a teen who is going to be 15 next weekend. So wild. So that's pretty big age gap, yeah, and you know, it wasn't by design that is one of the challenges that I experienced on my motherhood journey, was dealing with trouble getting pregnant. So when we when we decided we were ready to start trying again, it took us about five and a half years before we welcomed our little guy into the world, and that was its own experience, requiring all kinds of growth and lessons learned along the way. I

Casey O'Roarty 7:20
know that's a whole nother podcast, isn't it?

Julie Neale 7:21
It could be, but it does give me really interesting perspective on parenting, I think allows me I have, you know, one foot in two very different parenting worlds. And I think in terms of supporting and championing mothers, I have had the experience of mothering now for a little bit longer down the road, and I have some of the challenges of what it's like to have a teenager, but yet I still know what it's like to have a young child that is also demanding of you in other ways, right? So I do appreciate being able to have that perspective, yeah,

Casey O'Roarty 8:00
because, right, that's funny, right? Now, I'm leading a live class in town where I live, and most of the parents have kids under five, and me with the 13 and the 16 year old, you know, and they're talking about their challenges. And it is so easy for me to say, like, that is not really a big I mean, I don't say that out loud, but in my mind, I'm like, Oh, you have no idea what's coming, right? This is not that big of a deal. You know, instead of remembering like, hey, guess what? Casey, it was a big deal for you, it's a big deal for them. So find your compassion. And you know which, of course I do, but it's funny how you know, quickly we forget how challenging like even the sleepless nights of having a baby in those first few months. And I remember being at the grocery store and having Rowan, my oldest, in a sling, sleeping in the sling, always in the sling, and this little old lady coming up and just saying, you know, don't Don't you just love every single minute. And I looked at her, and I burst into tears, and I said, No, it's really hard, like I love a lot of the minutes, but no, yeah, so. And then I watched Oprah years ago, did a episode around the myth of motherhood, and that's exactly what she talks about, is that it's it's hard, and it's beautiful, and it's challenging and it's amazing, and it's all the things. But I think that sometimes we get fooled into believing that it's going to be just one of the things, and so when it's hard, you know, you start to feel bad about that? Yeah,

Julie Neale 9:42
it's so interesting how things align. Later this afternoon, I'm going to be interviewing Katherine winch, who is the founder of something called the mom complex, and she has a book coming out called slay like a mother, and she was my second podcast guest. I now have over 50 episodes. She was one of the very first people I interviewed, and someone who I sought out at the time because she did this spoken word TEDx talk about the mask, the mask of motherhood. And I just so resonated at the time with this, you know, the idea that we, we, you know, we'll share the picture perfect photos. We talk about all of the highlights, and we don't always acknowledge or share the moments that are really challenging.

Casey O'Roarty 10:32
Tell me a little bit about what had you step into podcasting because you are a fellow podcaster. What did you go in that direction? Well,

Julie Neale 10:43
I loved podcasts. I was a listener for many years of The Good Life Project podcast with Jonathan fields, and I still am. I feel like, in many ways, it was the blueprint and has inspired me in creating the whole venture of mother's quest. And I love being in conversation. I mean, that's my thing. I you know, whether it's in reflection circles or in one on one coaching or on a podcast interview, this idea of kind of pressing pause and creating space for deep reflection is is what lights me up, what I love, where I feel like I'm in flow and so And today, you know, something like podcasting. I think a decade ago, I would never have imagined it possible that I could do that, but it started to become real, that I could actually make it happen. Could actually do this thing and and so it just was. I had this very large vision for what I wanted mother's quest to be, but the podcast seemed like the first piece where I could start creating something of value to others, but I could also be learning, finding my guides, and learning how to live an epic life, which is the framework for everything connected to mother's quest and the way I live my life now. So it just seemed like the perfect first piece of the puzzle.

Casey O'Roarty 12:05
Don't you love? So I always feel like I'm kind of cheating, because I'll have guests on, and it's like, oh, look at I have your undivided attention for the next 45 minutes. I've got some questions. Like, yes, I'm serving my community. But also like, Well, what do you think about this? It's been such a gift.

Julie Neale 12:26
It is, it is the most amazing thing, and it also has been a way for me to build authentic, real relationships with so many people that live beyond the podcast. It really has become an extension of my life. And I don't you know, my podcast opening says I created this podcast for myself. So like, the premise of my podcast is that I'm on this journey, and I don't want to do it alone, and so I specifically seek out people that I think can help shine a light for me on whatever it is I'm seeking in my life, on my quest, and then I just trust that, if that is something I'm looking for and something I am knowing I need to learn, that there's a gift in sharing it with others, and someone else will be looking for that too. Yeah.

Casey O'Roarty 13:16
Love it so similar over here, for sure. So your podcast. So you started off talk to me about the journey of your podcast, because you're pretty you're pretty deep in to some social activism now. But did you start off there? Or how did that what has been the journey of your podcast?

Julie Neale 13:38
It's really interesting because someone else asked me this too. I think that it is. What is happening is that my commitment to social activism is deepening, as I've been learning so my whole journey through this, you know, can be documented through the podcast, through the different conversations that I've been having and who I've been bringing on. But I would say that the the, you know, it was there from the start, because I launched my podcast in December of 2016 which was, you know, right when Trump was becoming president, and like so many other people, I think we were kind of waking up into needing to use our voice and our activism in ways that we where I think people of color had known for, you know, ever, but specifically white women, I think we were, we've come to a different kind of realization about the realities of our country and the need for us to become involved. So even at the start of my podcast, it was there a fairly early guest was Paola Mendoza, who was one of the founders of the women's march in Washington, DC, the first one. And you know, I brought her on to talk about how to step into more activism. I interviewed Elizabeth Crone, nice McLaughlin. Who has this daily resistance live about, you know, how to begin. I have these ideas for wanting to use the podcasting platform to shine a light on, you know, anti racism and police brutality. And so she was one of the first people to help me think about how to do that. And then, you know,

Casey O'Roarty 15:22
is she the girl that does? Is Is she Sorry to interrupt, so I just want to, is she the gal that does? Is she the lawyer? Yeah, she a lawyer.

Julie Neale 15:30
Okay, yeah. She was a former Wall Street attorney. Say her name again, Elizabeth Crone, nice, McLaughlin.

Casey O'Roarty 15:37
She is beauty. She is, like, brilliant. And I've, I've caught, you know, many of her Facebook Lives, because I think so many of us, we well, I again speaking for myself, but I'm guessing I'm not the only one like I need the whole political I need it. I need everything broken down into bits and pieces so that I can understand the bigger picture. And I think she does such a powerful job of that when she jumps. Is she still doing Facebook Lives?

Julie Neale 16:07
Yeah, she usually does one almost daily during the week.

Casey O'Roarty 16:10
Okay, I need to circle back around to her,

Julie Neale 16:15
yeah. And so another early guest of mine was a friend of mine, Jenji heisten, who absolutely is the one that woke me up to needing to find some way to make a difference on the issue of police brutality. She had done a Facebook live after one of the black men had been killed by a police officer, you know, just in complete tears, crying about, you know, asking her white friends to imagine for a moment what it might feel like to fear for the safety of your black husband, your black sons, your black brother every day when they walk out the door. And I could not up until then, I had been reading all these articles, and you know, having that horrible feeling that I'm sure we all do, reading the article, but then also feeling somewhat powerless, and then just sort of, you know, scrolling by or going along with my day, and I could not scroll by Gen z's, you know, authentic sharing of what life was like for her. And so I picked up the phone and I called her, and that began a conversation. And so that whole process of she and I grappling with like, well, what if anything could I do, and how could, how might we actually even begin with our own children, in addressing some of the reasons why there is racism, that is one of the very early podcast episodes, so I think it's always been there, but what you're noticing is just a deepening of my involvement as I've been learning and growing.

Casey O'Roarty 17:46
Yeah, and who's your audience? Would you say, like, do you feel like you speak to a diverse group, or do you feel like you're speaking to mostly white, middle class women? I

Julie Neale 18:05
That's such a good question. I mean, it's hard to know my my desire and my aim is to be building a community that is diverse. And I know that I have, I absolutely do have women of color who have listened to episodes I would imagine that primarily the people that are tuning in are white women, more like myself, and I do feel like that's part of my mission, particularly with these episodes that are part of my initiative, women podcasters and solidarity, which I know we're going to talk More about but I really am trying to bring conversations to light, to people who maybe wouldn't, don't already know about some of these issues, or don't imagine how they could be part of stepping in into activism of their own. So that's part of that is part of my mission. And

Casey O'Roarty 18:58
I asked that question because I know you know, even having you on and having this conversation, I mean, we are two middle class white women, and my I know my audience, I know I have some people of color. I know I have some dads, but mostly I've got, you know, white moms listening. And so if I can bring these conversations into our into the community, you know, I feel honored to do so, and I always, and I know that you do the same. You know, the invitation is always there for anyone who's listening to call me out when I get it wrong and to gently let me know, like, well, you kind of missed this opportunity. Or, you know, this wasn't, this didn't quite land for me, especially when it comes from someone who is a person of color, because I can only look out of my own lens, which I'm always trying to expand in a variety of ways, whether it's, you know, my own self awareness or the experiences of others. But I just think it's, I think it becomes. Is really, it is really important right now for all of us to be having these conversations, all of us, you know, all of us, white people, to be having these conversations that have been going on for, you know, generations and generations and generations for people of color, so I'm happy to do what I can to even if it makes people uncomfortable. You know, listeners Sorry, not sorry, because it's the discomfort, I think, is when we know we're really on to something, yes, and it's when is something important.

Julie Neale 20:37
I'm really glad you said the thing about, like, saying the wrong thing, or because I feel like that was one of the first guides that I found and brought on the podcast, who continues to this day to be such a I learned so much from her all the time is Nicole Lee, who is an inclusion specialist, and she also specializes in helping Parents have courageous conversations about race with our children. And when she came on the podcast, and we could share a link to this for anyone listening, one of the things that she the gift she gave to me, was to really hold a growth mindset around conversations about race. And I know you talk about growth mindset on your podcast a lot, and you know, it's part of how you parent. But we hold that for our kids that we don't expect them to do things perfectly, and we want them to be actually, you know, welcoming of messing up and having failure as long as they're learning from it. So once I was able to shift and let go of this idea that I was going to be doing anything perfect, and that, of course, I was going to make mistakes and feel uncomfortable, that is actually part of doing the work and just holding a growth mindset for it all, it really opened up a lot more possibility For me.

Casey O'Roarty 21:59
Yeah, another resource that I mentioned to you before we got on the call, darn it. And did you look up how to pronounce her name? Shoot. So listeners, I'm gonna give you the title of a book, and I'm gonna spell the name of the author because I don't want to butcher it. So the name of the book is so you want to talk about race. The author, her first name is spelled i, j, e, o, M, a, and her last name is spelled o, l, u, O, and it is a fantastic book, and she goes through, you know, all of the major issues that people of color have been dealing with, for you know, ever and with insight designed to support the rest of us in knowing how being better at being in conversation and being allies and being advocates, not and she's straight up like, you're not going to be perfect, you're going to fall on your face, and then you get to be really graceful in the feedback that you get around that. Because, you know, people are going to say, Nope, you're wrong there. And don't be defensive about it. Just be quiet and learn and take it into account and get better. And I really appreciate that. So so you want to talk about race as the name of that book, and it's been really eye opening and useful to me. Hey, friends, sorry for the interruption. I know you're loving this conversation with Julie. I loved being in conversation with Julie. She's just super fantastic, and I love her, and I'm glad you get to experience her through this interview. But I also want to acknowledge that the book is out. The book is out. You can go by joyful courage, calming the drama taking control of your parenting journey right now. Right now, you can pause this interview head on over to Amazon, head to Barnes and noble.com head to my website, joyful courage.com/book and you can order your copy of joyful courage if you haven't already and if you have already ordered your copy, go get one for a friend, right? Go get one for a friend. Go get one for your brother or your sister or your neighbor. Spread the word, because a world of parents that are leaning into joyful courage, more often than not, is a world of parents that are raising a generation of kids who aren't carrying their parents' baggage for them. I love this quote. I have a quote from Jane Nelson, the author of positive discipline and co author of all the positive discipline books she wrote. Do you love being a parent except for. Those times when you don't, did you really believe you could be a perfect parent and then beat up on yourself because you couldn't? After all, you knew better. You're gonna love this book. You will laugh and you will cry and you will feel encouraged by the many tips on how to handle the ups and downs of parenting. Love it. Listen to Jane Nelson, listen to me. Get your hands on this book. Now, back to the interview, but I want to talk about the women podcasters in solidarity initiative. So tell me about that and how you came to create that and what it's all about. So

Julie Neale 25:37
yes, I thank you. I'm excited to share more about it, of course, yeah, when I decided that I could use the podcasting platform for myself to learn more about how to have conversations about race and how to shine a light on social justice issues, I realized that if I might make that commitment, that maybe some other women podcasters could also make that commitment, and alongside recording conversations around different themes, I also wanted to direct resources to the cause. So this idea for creating an initiative, which became called the women podcasters and solidarity initiative, was born. And again, it started with myself and my own commitment, and I just invited other people to be part of it, to say yes to and the first season, the focus was on anti racism and police brutality, or, you know, building towards more police accountability. And we had, you know, a dozen people submit episodes, and those are available on the women [email protected] website. And then this season, the focus has been on the intersectional impact of gun violence in our communities and working towards gun safety. And I have recorded three episodes for that season, and the episodes aren't yet up on the site. Yet. We haven't shared them, but I think by the time you're airing this, they will be available, and it just seems like a really clear way to make an ongoing commitment to continuing to have important conversations and directing my growing community to send resources to particularly so far, it has been, you know, women of color who and mothers who are leading the charge on these important issues.

Casey O'Roarty 27:38
Yeah, tell me about some of your guests from this season.

Julie Neale 27:42
So this season, my first episode was with Gloria pan who is the head of gun safety for the organization, Moms Rising. And they do, you know, incredible work around, you know, all kinds of political advocacy. But I had Gloria come on right after the Parkland shootings. And, you know, I just felt like I needed to talk with someone about, what are the steps that we should be taking. And it was, it was a really important and powerful conversation. And I've since continued to stay connected to Moms Rising and have seen them, you know, they've been part of so much change. And recently, you know, the house just approved a universal background check law that they were instrumental in helping to push forward. And now it's going to the Senate. So it's, you know, it's not law yet, but the House did pass it in a historic way. That was my first episode. The second episode was with lad Everett. I really wanted to talk with a white male about how you know about moving towards gun safety and looking a little bit about the issue of patriarchy. And he heads up something called one pulse for America, and is the father of two daughters, and had actually recently been arrested for protesting about the Kavanaugh nomination. So we got, you know, we definitely delved into the issue of gun safety, but also explored a lot of other important topics around how to raise men to be advocates.

Casey O'Roarty 29:25
Yeah, that gave me the chills. And then,

Julie Neale 29:29
and then my most recent and last episode. Do you want to say what? What gave you the chills about that? Well, just,

Casey O'Roarty 29:36
I mean, I watched the congressional hearings for Brett Kavanaugh and Dr Ford. And you know, I have one of each. I have a daughter and I have a son, and I just want to do right by both of them. And you know, the pendulum can swing so hard, you know, with victims and blame. And just hearing, you know, thinking about raising our sons in a way that you know, where they're respecting all I love the work of Rosalyn Wiseman. She wrote a book called masterminds and wingmen, and it's the companion book to Queen Bees and Wannabes. So those of you out there who have seen Mean Girls. The movie was loosely based on Queen Bees and Wannabes, and so she wrote a book for boys, and it's all about the social roles that kids can fall into and and there's this one role that He's the champion, and he's the one that doesn't get ruffled when his masculinity is questioned, and he's the one that's looking out for the kids on the outskirts, and he's the one that stands up to the mastermind and says, you know, no, that's not okay. And so whenever I drop my son off at school or he walks out the door, I just remind him to be a champion, and not like a champion, like win everything and be the best, but really just be on the lookout for others and and he that's kind of our little code. And that just made me think about that. Yeah?

Julie Neale 31:04
Well, that made me teary, yeah? Because, you know, obviously, I have two boys and and then I want them to be champions and advocates too. And the the biggest takeaway I had from my conversation with lad Everett about that, is to give our boys permission to cry and to have emotions.

Casey O'Roarty 31:24
Oh, yeah. Well, and it's interesting too, like, this is a total tangent right now, but, you know, my son is a sensitive kid. He's big. He's like, he looks a few years older than he is. He's run around with his older sister, so he kind of, from, you know, appears to have this air of maturity. I mean, hang out with him long enough and you're like, oh, right, you're 13. But he also has, you know, a quite a bit of emotional intelligence. And while I am, you know, it's something I'm really grateful for, and we've worked on, and it's just kind of the way we've come at parenting with him. It's also really challenging for him, as he recognizes how many boys around him are sorely lacking in emotional intelligence where that hasn't been a focus. And, you know, and they're doing the things the boys will be boys things. And Ian's like, why are they acting like that? Like, I don't get that. And so it's a fascinating study of, you know, having conversations around like, well, not, you know, this isn't how everybody is raising their boys. And I'm really proud of you, and I appreciate that you are. You know that we talk about how you're feeling and what your emotions are, and there's space for anger, and there's space for sadness, and there's space for embarrassment and there's space for tears and all the things and and there's space to talk about, like, gosh, not all the boys get this right. And really it's it's less about nature, and really it's about nurture. And just having those conversations are fascinating.

Julie Neale 33:01
I'm gonna definitely get that book. I'm so curious to learn more. Yeah,

Casey O'Roarty 33:05
yeah. Rosalyn Wiseman, she's fantastic. So tell me more. I know you had a third Yeah?

Julie Neale 33:11
So the last episode in the series for this season was an interview that was over a year in the making. It was when I thought I was going to have in the first season, but it was really even better suited for this one with Sabrina Fulton, who is Trayvon Martin's mother. And you know, for what has what has been interesting is to find out that some people still don't even necessarily know who Trayvon Martin is. So just in case, you know, with with growth mindset, just in case there's somebody who doesn't know, not making assumptions. Thank you. Julie was the man who was killed by killed in Florida within the gated community by a neighborhood watch, a man whose name is george Zimmerman and Sabrina is his mother, and she has

taken that, you know, the horrible grief of losing her child in this way, and really become like the mother of the Black Lives Matter movement, or one of the mothers of the movement, and has used her voice to become a powerful speaker, author, advocate. They she and her ex husband started the Trayvon Martin Foundation. They do incredible work, and one of the things that she has created as part of the foundation is called circle of mothers, and it is an annual healing retreat for other mothers who have lost a child to gun violence that literally came to her in a dream. And she talks about this in our interview. She. Woke up one morning and she just had a completely vivid picture of what she was meant to create to help other mothers so that they would have a support system and a space for healing and also a space to talk about their children and to celebrate their children in ways that she didn't have when she lost Trayvon. So this year, the resources are going to sponsor 10 mothers to be able to attend that circle of mothers retreat in May. And we've raised, at the point of this recording, over $10,000 on the GoFundMe campaign, and we're closing it on Friday, so hopefully we will get to our goal. But already, I'm really inspired by what has been possible, by mothers like you and me contributing and sharing, you know, whatever they can, spreading the word. Yeah,

Casey O'Roarty 35:55
I'm sitting here with a broken heart just thinking that it shouldn't be that we need a mother's circle for moms that are healing from losing their kids to gun violence. You know, like that shouldn't be necessary. There shouldn't be that. That shouldn't be a thing. And so thank you for sharing about that, and I'm going to invite you to send over anything that I can post today, because is the campaign over tomorrow, which everybody reporting on March 7. So

Julie Neale 36:25
yeah, well, I'm going to close the campaign tomorrow, because the way GoFundMe works is you have to close it to disperse the funds, and I want to get the money to them. But anybody listening can contribute to support this work anytime, and we'll, I'm sure you'll make sure you'll make sure to include links to the Trayvon Martin foundation, so it is never too late to contribute to this cause. But I thank you so much, Casey for helping to spread the word about it, and I am with you. Of course, you know just how what a tragedy it is that we have to have something like this in our country, where we could really do something about gun violence. And you may know about Lucy McBath, whose son was shot because he was playing music too loudly. She has gone on about that, yeah, so we can include a link to her story, but she went to circle of mothers to the retreat, and one of the things that Sabrina talks about with them is that, you know, when they go back home to their communities to do what they can, to make a difference and to get involved, and Lucy is one of those incredible success Stories of the program and that of the retreat, she went back and ran for Congress, and she's now a congresswoman, and was, you know, instrumental leading the charge again for this universal background check law that passed in the House. So, you know, it is awful that mothers have to go through this. But both in this example and also my first season, the money that I raised went to another incredible organization called Mothers against police brutality, and Colette Flanagan is the founder, along with Sarah Mercuria, who I interviewed for the podcast, and they're also doing incredible work, you know, taking grief that they had. Colette lost her son, Sarah watched her father killed when she was a child by police, and they are now, you know, helping to change policy locally in Dallas, and then taking all the lessons learned and impacting what is happening in other cities across the country. And if I can say something about that, yes,

Casey O'Roarty 38:48
just keep talking. Julie, just keep talking. Okay,

Julie Neale 38:53
one thing that has been amazing, and I think, like, really a testament to what I was saying before about the fact that these, you know, the opportunity to interview people is more than just creating an episode. It really becomes a relationship. Is that, you know, for the last year, I've been speaking out more against police brutality, but, you know, it had been a little bit more of like in theory for these cases that were happening in other places. Well, in November, an unarmed black man China do a Kobe was died by cardiac arrest after being tasered. He was unarmed and had not committed he he had jaywalked. And so, you know now in my own backyard, there's this, like, horrible, tragic case, and I've begun getting involved, spoke out at the County Board of Supervisors meeting. Was actually talking to one of the supervisors yesterday. Have been working with Abella acobi, who's Chinedu sister, she's a Facebook executive who's been very outspoken about this, and a team of local organizers here. A part of the conversation about what we can do. The DA just announced he's not bringing any charges to those officers. So we're very much like deep in advocacy in my own community now, and because I have this relationship with the people at mothers against police brutality, I've been able to connect them, and I think we're going to be able to really learn from them, and they can help be guides to us to figure out, you know, what is the pathway to advocacy here? So it's really, it's incredible to me, what's possible you and I have Elsie Escobar in common as a mentor, and I just Yes, she's amazing, and she's been a partner in the women podcasters and solidarity initiative this year. So yesterday, I left her a Voxer message, because she's always talking about the impact of podcasting, beyond downloads or numbers, and just said, like, you know, there is a concrete, powerful, important impact of me having that podcast episode last year, and it's now playing out in real relationships that are hopefully going to impact, you know, our policies here. Yeah, so I'm getting a little get a little fired up over here, but it's just really started with like, one step one conversation, and everything flows from there, if you stay committed to the process. I

Casey O'Roarty 41:20
love that. You know, I think so many of us hear things and read things and feel so disconnected and like it doesn't like what, you know, what could we possibly do? And you're, you know, you are telling stories about what we can do in one step in and reaching out and building relationships. And it's beautiful and powerful, and I'm so grateful to hear more, because we're friends online. We've met in person once, but I've been watching from afar and just, you know, so amazed and in awe of all that you've created. What has been your biggest learning beyond what you've shared, is there anything else that has been a big learning as you've stepped into activism and being more active in the social justice front,

Julie Neale 42:08
I wrote down these lessons learned, and I feel like I've already touched on them, so maybe I'll just summarize. Let's

Casey O'Roarty 42:15
just summarize. Yeah, let's just wrap it up with a summary.

Julie Neale 42:18
I think you know, one of the biggest lessons learned was to not to just scroll on by, to actually stop, to pay attention when you feel called to an issue, and to really just take one small step, like, just begin, just say, I'm not going to forget that this matters. That's one thing, I think, looking for guides, finding people that can help, you know, shed a light that you can learn from their experience. Sometimes that involves paying people for their time. You know, in the case of Nicole Lee, it was wonderful that I had her on the podcast, and, you know, she did that generously, but I've also, you know, paid for coaching time with her to help me through some of the you know, you know, before I interviewed Sabrina, I wanted to get some some support, and thinking about how to Have that conversation be the most impactful. Also this whole idea around growth mindset, letting go of perfection and knowing that it's going to be messy and you're going to make mistakes and you're going to learn. I also have, you know, other guides that I have found along the way, Desiree Attaway and Erica Hines and Jessica fish at diversity as an asset. They talk about how perfection is really a tool of white supremacy. So you know, releasing that idea that we're going to get it all right, definitely also moving from feelings of guilt, which are not helpful to a place of responsibility and acting from that place. And something that I have been like circling around and continuing to work on and uncover is moving myself and my own ego from the center, even with this episode with Sabrina. You know, I keep I feel like I've really come to a different place now. But in the first few weeks, I think I was still like, feeling like, oh, this is gonna we I was internally noticing what I felt like it meant about me to be having this conversation. And I have, over the weeks, more and more, been shifting my internal focus to really, this is about shining the light on Sabrina and her journey and her story, and bringing resources to her, you know, ego around the GoFundMe goal of like, you know, if we don't hit that $15,000 number, what does that mean about. Me, and really it doesn't mean anything about me. The goal is to get money to her, which is why, like, I think it's so great that your listeners, you know, they may not contribute to that $15,000 goal, but they can still send a contribution to the foundation, and that's what matters. So there's been a ton of learning around that. And then huge that

Casey O'Roarty 45:19
right there is huge Julie, and I think it's like in all of our relationships, right? And all of our relationships, I think that ego and stay staying self focused gets in the way in so many different relationships, and I and especially in this context and the power dynamic. I mean, they're so that's such a juicy like, we could tease that apart for a whole nother episode. So thank you for bringing that up. Yeah, we

Julie Neale 45:49
have, like, a whole series we're creating. I would love to do that. The last thing that I want to end with, um, which I know I touched on before, is the importance of relationships. Nicole Lee, in our episode, talks about, you know, moving from relationships so they're transactional, and being, you know, in in more authentic connection with one another. And I think that is what I have most appreciated about the opportunity to be in conversation and to shine a light on these issues, is all of those real relationships that I'm building, that I'm you know, it then puts me in the position to help make more connections, like what's happening right now with the justice for Trina do effort here And the folks at mothers against police brutality. So I think you know, even if you start with just one conversation, one relationship, that you build, or that you you know, extend yourself out to on a cause that matters to you, that is a really powerful place to start with incredible ripple effects possible.

Casey O'Roarty 46:59
So in the context of advocacy and social justice, what does joyful courage mean to you? Julie,

Julie Neale 47:08
ooh, that's a good question. I do know sage hops, Nope,

Casey O'Roarty 47:14
you're throwing so many fun names at me. I can't wait to explore another

Julie Neale 47:20
amazing woman podcaster. She has a podcast called Naked conversations, and she interviewed me, and we talk about some of these issues as well. She started with like, what does it mean to be brave, or what is courage? And I think at the time, I remembered saying, it's like, you know, standing, I don't know if it was standing, but standing for what matters to you or but, and you might have fear, but moving through it anyways from a place of love. And what I'm appreciating about this question about joyful courage is, you know, taking action and standing for the things that matter, even if you might be feeling afraid and you do it anyway, from a place of love along the way, you also find joy. Like, you know, there have been so many moments where I've been like cheering, you know, I'm thinking about some women in my community who have been sharing the posts about the circle of mother's campaign. And every time I see like one more mother reach out to her community, like one at a time, like donations of 20 or $30 I am filled with joy. There is like, there is a joyfulness about, you know, seeing again, like the seeds of what you've been planting, growing in the ways that you hoped. So. I don't know if I answered your question, but that is, that's all those are all the jumbled thoughts that came to

Casey O'Roarty 48:55
me. Love it. Love it. Love it. So you mentioned a few links, but just right here, right now, where can listeners find you and follow your work?

Julie Neale 49:05
So that you can go to the website, mothersquest.com and if you go to mothersquest.com/podcast you'll find all the podcast episodes if you want to delve in there. I'm quite active on Facebook, that's probably where I connect and hang out the most. I have a mother's quest Facebook group, which is a private community that you're a part of, Casey, and it's so great to have you there. There's also a mother's quest business page. And then I've been dipping my toe into Instagram. So I on Instagram, I share a lot of what I call epic snapshot moments from my epic life. So you can mean any of those places, and you can also always send me an email to [email protected] if you want to be in more conversation. Yay. Thank

Casey O'Roarty 49:53
you so much for coming on and being a part of the podcast, Julie. I so appreciate it.

Julie Neale 49:58
I. It was such a gift to have this time with you. Casey, can I ask you a question? Yeah, so at the end of all of my episodes, we my guests, and I do takeaways from the conversation, and you know, I kind of summarized what I've been learning, and many of those things came into more clarity through being in conversation with you. So I feel like I've shared my takeaways, but I would love to hear from you what, what is something that you're taking away from this conversation today?

Casey O'Roarty 50:30
Well, straight off the top of my head is that I'm gonna totally binge listen to mother's quest podcast like, yay. That's one takeaway. And just really appreciating you and the model that you are of using your platform in a way that is so inspirational and empowering and educational, I really appreciated when you said that you had hired Nicole Lee, that you had interviewed her, but then you had also hired her to support you in your conversation with Sabrina, which I think is so what a responsible and respectful thing to do just knowing who you were going into conversation about and with and what the conversation was going to be about. That really landed for me as a podcaster and someone who wants to be in conversation, and I do want to get it right, or I want to be humble enough to recognize, to own it and receive the feedback when I'm not getting it right. So that was I really appreciated that you shared that as well. Wonderful, and you're just an inspiration. I just adore you, and I'm thank you for asking the question. Casey,

Julie Neale 51:56
well, thank you for being willing to share what was coming up for you from an authentic place. You weren't expecting that question. So thank you for saying yes and no. I trust that the deepening of our relationship today will continue in new ways, so I can't wait to see what's possible. There. Me too. Thanks, girl.

Casey O'Roarty 52:20
Joyful courage community, thank you so much for tuning in each and every week. Big thanks and love to my team, including my producer, Chris Mann at pod shaper. Be sure to join the discussion over at the live and love with joyful courage group page, as well as the joyful courage business pages on Facebook and Instagram. Subscribe to the show through Apple podcasts, Spotify, Google Play. I Heart Radio, really anywhere you find your favorite podcasts. Also, I mentioned Patreon at the beginning of the show. Check it out. Www.patreon.com/joyful courage. This is where you can contribute to the show and take advantage of patron perks like content rich monthly webinars and deeper discussions about what's being shared on the podcast, you will like it. Www, dot P, A, T, R, E, o, n.com/joyful, courage. Any comments or feedback about this show or any others can be sent to Casey at joyful courage.com. I personally read and respond to all the emails that come my way, so reach out. You can also sign up for my bi weekly newsletter at joyful courage.com just go to the website. Sign up for that. Take a breath, drop into your body, find the balcony seat and trust that everyone is going to be okay. Big Love to each and every one of you have a beautiful rest of your day.

See more