Transcription
SUMMARY KEYWORDS
parenting adolescents, joyful courage, positive discipline, parent coach, membership program, blue mom group, election results, core values, women's health, anti-hate, LGBTQ rights, diverse literacy, gun safety, community support, tangible actions
SPEAKERS
Theme Music, Traci Baxley, Casey O'Roarty, Dani Ferrigno
Casey O'Roarty 00:04
Hey listeners, welcome back to the joyful courage podcast, a place for you to hopefully feel seen and heard as we talk about all the things that come with the season of parenting adolescents. Parenting teens is messy, no doubt, and when we remember that our kids are growing through what they're going through, and we are too things can start to feel okay. We can have faith and believe that everything will be okay. I am Casey overdy. I'm your host. I am a positive discipline lead trainer, a parent coach and the adolescent lead at sproutable. I have two young adult kids of my own, and have been in the trenches just like you. I love supporting families. I work one on one with parents all over the world, and run a thriving membership program. Speaking of the living, joyful courage membership program, doors are opening for new members, January 1. I would love for you to consider taking part in it. We currently have 40 members, many of which are in their second or third year. We do twice monthly group calls, quarterly, one on one, calls, office hours, and we have an active community forum. These are real parents moving through real challenges, showing up vulnerably and feeling the love and support from a like minded community. This is my favorite way to support parents, and I want you to check it out. Go to be sproutable.com/l J C, and before January 1, you can join the wait list and get early access to enrollment. Woo hoo. Again, that is be sproutable.com/l J C, for more information and to enroll, doors open January 1. Thank you for listening to my little promo. Let's get on to today's show.
Casey O'Roarty 01:51
Hi listeners. Welcome back to the podcast. I am really excited this week. I have two guests that I get to share with you. I'm going to start by introducing Dr Tracy Baxley. Many of you, if you've been listeners for a while, will remember her. She's been on the show a few times. She is a seasoned educator with over 30 years of experience. She holds degrees in child development, Family Science, elementary education and curriculum and instruction. Her expertise spans various roles, including Professor, consultant, parenting, coach and speaker as a mother of five. Dr Baxley authored social justice parenting, how to raise compassionate, anti racist, Justice minded kids in an unjust world. Her work has garnered national recognition with appearances on Good Morning America, CNBC, The New York Times and NPR and the joyful courage podcast. I want to slide my show in there too. She has also collaborated with renowned organizations such as Sesame Street, PBS Kids and American girl to shape educational content and children's media. Danny is My other guest. Danny Ferrigno. She studied psychology and education at the University of Miami, and received her master's in marriage and family therapy from the University of San Diego. She worked as a Education Coordinator with young women at the REN few center, a residential treatment center for eating disorders. Thank you for your service. She also had an educational mentoring business, working with students struggling with homework, organization and study skills. Danny is a mom of three, two daughters and a son, and is married to will who was right by Tracy and Danny side when the blue mom group was born, and that is what we are here to talk about. Hi, you two. Welcome to the podcast.
03:39
Thanks.
Casey O'Roarty 03:41
I'm so glad to have you. I feel like, you know, a few weeks ago, Tracy, you and I connected around the results of the election, and you kind of let it be known to me that you had something that was brewing. First time you came on, you spoke about your book and listeners. That was episode 289, and then you came back a year later to discuss how to be raising allies, which was episode 331, so listeners, if you want to go back, I highly encourage you to listen to that. So glad that you're here and Danny, this is your first time on I'm so glad to meet you. I'm so glad you're both here.
Dani Ferrigno 04:17
Thanks for having us. Yeah,
Casey O'Roarty 04:19
start us off with how blue mom group started. So tell us the story you ran into each other on the sidewalk. Right?
Traci Baxley 04:30
You go first, very true. It was the morning after the election. Danny was walking her dog and I was walking myself, both of us, kind of in a fall, and I turned the corner and we saw each other, and literally, we started bawling in the middle of our neighborhood, and we kind of sat there hugging each other trying to figure out what happened, what went wrong, how to talk to her kids about it. It was just like full on meltdown after that. But we just kept texting each other over the next couple of days, just checking in on each other and just kind of trying to unpack, you know, what had just happened. And then I think we just started organically, saying we use the word organic a lot because things are just kind of falling in place. I was like, we should just go out for coffee and just talk about it. And I think Danny may have said, like, let's meet with a few friends. And so then it's like we're starting something here, from
Dani Ferrigno 05:26
us to a few friends. And my husband walked in the kitchen, like I said, and he was like, blue mom group, I'm buying the domain name. And I think within 10 minutes, we formed this idea that, just like Tracy said, unfolded organically. We started an Instagram right there, like maybe 20 minutes later, we invited friends, and it was basically just like this group of people that were so heartbroken, and I think no one knew what to do. No one knew how to talk to their children about it. I texted my kids and said I was too upset to talk and I didn't have the words. So I think it just kind of started as, like, just wanted to be with our people, like people who felt the same way as us, and then it evolved into, what can we do, and how can we help?
Casey O'Roarty 06:19
You know, and I know that I have listeners that come from a range of values and political leanings, so I acknowledge that. And, you know, I said the same thing recently on a show where I had an expert on teen sexual health and teen reproductive health. Like, I don't think it's a surprise to any of you listeners that I'm left leaning and liberal and yeah, it was jarring. It was jarring to wake up that morning and to see the way that the majority of our country voted. It hurt my heart. I thought about families of trans kids and kids in the LGBTQ plus community. I thought about parents that identify that way. I thought about people of color. I thought about so many things, and the way that everything went down felt like such a slap in the face to women. So yes, when I saw your initial Instagram choice. You may have even said, hey, look what I've done. And I was like, yes, yes, sharing, come on, everybody, come along. So talk a little bit about what are you doing? What are the core issues? Because you've too like, in a very short amount of time, have gotten very clear on the core issues and the core values of blue mom group, and let's just kind of go through those things and share it with the listeners. Sure,
Traci Baxley 07:48
that was part of our texting too. That day, the day after, two days after, we were like, Okay, what are the things that are you most heard about? What are the things that you value? And we both kind of gave each other a list, and these five things were both at the core of what was important to us for personal reasons. And we're both kind of village moms, so we thought about, you know, other people who we could advocate for, or that our heartfelt needed our support as well too. So those five things were really kind of close to both of our hearts, and it was really easy for us to kind of get on board with those things. Yeah, yeah. We
Dani Ferrigno 08:22
came up with them pretty fast. I mean, my first panic was having daughters. We live in Florida, I couldn't breathe, like that heartbreak that you have when you're broken up with or any grief where you can barely breathe. My first panic was my daughters. And where will it be safe for them to live? That came up as our first core priority is women and reproductive health. And then what we've kind of bounced back and forth, like I said on text, in like three minutes.
Traci Baxley 08:54
Yeah, another one, again, personal for both of us. We want to really kind of counter all of these forms of hate. Yes, so we're looking at racism, anti semantic hate, xenophobia, those three in particular. But all forms of hate are something important to us that we combat, push back against. That's what our second core value.
Dani Ferrigno 09:19
And also with hate the LGBTQ plus community, just the fear like we've been working on getting rights and marriage and bathrooms and all this great momentum, and then all of a sudden just panic, like, is it going to be taken away from our children and us our lives? That one came pretty fast.
Traci Baxley 09:41
And then as an educator, as a mom, who we both love reading, we both love using books to educate our kids, right? So this whole movement with banned books, we want to push back against that. So we want to promote this idea of diverse literacy for everybody acts. Us to it is really important. So that's our fourth last one is
Dani Ferrigno 10:06
that one came up in our first meeting was a lot of the parents raised their hands about gun safety. So again, we're in Florida. We live about 15 minutes away from MSD, so one of the worst school shootings was right down the street from us. Our community knows kids and families that live there that were affected, that were in the school that day, so that's our fifth priority, and it's a big one, and all of them are the same thing. We just want our kids to be safe and happy and not afraid all the time. Yeah, I don't know, kind of sounds simple, but it's so big, it's so big,
Casey O'Roarty 10:43
it's so big, and it's so important. And I would think that it's something that we can all get behind, like that feeling of safety, safety to be who they are,
Casey O'Roarty 11:00
right? And I talk a lot here. So Danny my show, just so you know, my audience is primarily parents of adolescents. And one of the things that I say over and over and over is, you know how important it is to our kids to feel seen and acknowledged and accepted. And you know, that's what I'm seeing in all of these core values that you're promoting, as well safety being seen, being acknowledged in their fullest expression and appreciated and loved for who they are. And when, you know, we lift up and out and look at these potential systemic things that some of which are already trickling in and taking away that feeling of safety. But what could potentially be trickling in? You know, it's like, part of me is like, I'm only 30 minutes from Canada. I'm out of here, but the other part of me is like, no that. This is my country too. You guys are down there in Florida. I'm up here in Bellingham, Washington, which is a very sweet little pocket of hardcore liberals, right? So, you know, I'm kind of in la la land. It's great up here we can, you know, and recognizing there's probably, if I dig in a little bit, there's probably plenty going on that, you know, we gotta continue to pay attention and continue to do the work and not be complacent liberty and justice for all, not liberty and justice for me, as a middle class white person who's straight Stacy, it's
Traci Baxley 12:36
just so hard to believe that we are a place in the world, in our country, in our lifetime, where the things that we are trying to raise issues around are controversial, yeah? Like, why is it controversial that we're asking for basic human rights for people to live in a place where they belong and they feel safe? Yeah? And
Casey O'Roarty 12:59
it seems strange too, anymore, that there are humans that exist. You know, I think about like seven degrees of separation from Kevin Bacon. Like,
Dani Ferrigno 13:10
organically, I am called Kevin Bacon.
Casey O'Roarty 13:13
Oh, are you the person who everybody's seven degrees from? Because now I'm wondering,
Dani Ferrigno 13:18
at our last meeting, we met with someone locally about the group, and I said, By the way, I'm Kevin Bacon. Sorry,
Casey O'Roarty 13:26
that's funny. But I mean, when you think about like that whole funny thing, and you start to think about how many people you know, one degree, two degrees, three degrees out, have a person that they love who identifies as LGBTQ, or has a person that they love that identifies as a person of color or, you know, or is affected by gun violence, like we're not that far away, and it just doesn't make sense. I mean, we could sit here and lament on like, What the fuck is happening, but let's shift now into so you've created this thing, right? You've created this thing. What is your vision for blue mom group? And I will mention that you've added an asterisk next to mom, right? Talk
Dani Ferrigno 14:09
about that? Oh, yeah, that's a good one. Well, obviously, I mean, my husband was there, you know, he was the third member of the group, and he's not a mom, he's a dad, and then we started having people message us on Instagram, like, I'm an aunt, or, you know, my daughter couldn't wait to be part of it. So we pretty quickly realized that, well, maybe the name mom wasn't so great, but we are moms, and that's why we started it. So we added the plus sign to include everyone that cares about these five issues.
Casey O'Roarty 14:41
Yeah, I love that. In
Traci Baxley 14:43
our first meeting with the core people who started, who were the first round of people who met with us, somebody asked about the idea of blue. Like, should we say blue? Is that excluding people? And you know, Danny and I just are firm believers. Like, this is our mission. So these are our five core priorities. If you can get behind those things, no matter who you are, you're a blue mom group, right? You're part of blue mom so it's not so much that you can only be a Democrat, but it goes back to our mission and back to these values that we are fighting for.
Casey O'Roarty 15:19
Yeah, I appreciate that. So what's your vision? What do you see happening?
Dani Ferrigno 15:24
We keep talking about that too obviously. I mean, we started just like, Let's get together and let's support each other, because I think that was, like, the commonality. We were heartbroken, and we just need to be with, like, your people who feel the same way. And then we had, you know, action like, what are we going to do, and how do you do it? And I think for me, a big thing was tangible small things, because I tend to just my personality of a fear of dreaming big. So I wanted to know, like, small things we could do in the community. And then Tracy started to think bigger, and she had this org chart. I thought small, she thought big, but yeah, like one step at a time, like start with this small group, and then we're gonna try and really spread the small, tangible actions that people can do. We want to educate people? I think that's a big part for us. I noticed during the election, a lot of times people didn't even know what it meant to vote against Well, in Florida, it was amendment four. But like, what did it mean to vote against these women's health care? I think people just thought abortion, not abortion, but like most people understand, it was so much more than that, and so to be able to educate people, to educate our group members, and then, obviously, if our group members can educate people in their community, that's a small tangible. One person affects two people, two people affects four and so on and so on.
Traci Baxley 17:01
We are acting locally, thinking globally. That's really what we're doing, right? And so I think it's about like Danny said, educating ourselves so that we can educate others, giving people tangible steps. Because a lot of times we're hearing people saying, I want to do something. Don't know how to get started. We want to start a newsletter, like a monthly newsletter with all the things, but we also, one of the things we just talked about that we're going to start next Thursday is our three things Thursday, so giving three small, actionable items that people can do in their own communities that will start to have a like a snowball effect on change. So we're going to share all the things that we're doing locally, so that people can mimic those things moving forward. And honestly, this is like big goal, and maybe this is not politically correct to say, but I want to be in every town, every city, every state where moms of liberty are, because I want to be the counter voice to some of the things that they're saying that I think impacts the people that we love. And so Danny and I were like, we're starting chapters, and our legal team, aka the husbands, were like, Whoa, slow down. You
Casey O'Roarty 18:12
know, when we first connected and I started seeing what you girls were doing, you know, that's exactly where my head went. Was like, Oh, that would be a like, that's where I saw things happening. Was that local, taking it from your kind of, you know, headquarters, and spreading it across the land. Yes, count me in and I don't even know what moms of Liberty is.
Dani Ferrigno 18:33
They're from Florida. I think moms for liberty, they started in Florida, and it was started with the masks. It was like a huge unmask,
18:42
okay,
Dani Ferrigno 18:44
the band books, and then when the band book,
Traci Baxley 18:46
yeah, yeah, yeah, and they're very aggressive against LGBTQ rights. To me, it's the opposite of all the things that we are holding dear in our top opposite may be too firm, but I think there should be more voices when those voices are the only ones that people are here,
Casey O'Roarty 19:03
right? Yes,
Dani Ferrigno 19:04
and they're very involved, and they're starting chapters all over. Yeah, they're
Traci Baxley 19:09
members of school boards. Yeah, it's a lot. Yep, I'm
Dani Ferrigno 19:12
pretty sure, very into the don't say gay bill in Florida as well.
Casey O'Roarty 19:16
You guys in Florida, really,
Traci Baxley 19:17
it's tough. We
Casey O'Roarty 19:19
come move little fairy come to the fairy land of Bellingham, although, I will say, not very racially diverse up here, but man, it is hardcore LGBTQIA plus, yeah, so yeah, we do have history as a sundown town. I mean, there's plenty of history you know, that has created a pretty white space, and there is this other area where there is celebration of diversity. So
Traci Baxley 19:50
which brings me to the other point, when you see, what do we want to do? We want people to take which one of those priorities that they need to work on? The. In their local area, yes, right? So you don't have to adopt all of them if you see there's a need for one, yeah, lean into that bond and, you know, go deeper into the one or two priorities that make sense for your area.
Dani Ferrigno 20:13
That's a really good point, yeah, because in Florida, those are right, but maybe by you, I mean, some of those are relevant. Like, I've been looking a lot of at those links to email your senator. And you know, it's funny, because I'm emailing my Republican senator about abortion rights, that that may look different for you.
Casey O'Roarty 20:34
I need to email your senator. Yeah, so,
Dani Ferrigno 20:39
you know, but I think saying what in your community you guys want to focus on when we do get to that next step of having chapters everywhere, people can focus on whatever they feel is important of those five priorities, because even five priorities is a lot.
Casey O'Roarty 20:56
Are you going to lean in with every town or any of these other kind of already established organizations that are kind of doing similar things. But have that one core focus, have you been in conversation with any of them just about your movement?
Traci Baxley 21:12
Yeah, we have not yet. We follow all of them, and we repost a lot of their things in our stories. And I think once we start having a couple more meetings with our people. Yeah, we're trying to get, like Danny was saying this, like org chart, right, where we have people in charge of these different five priorities, so that we can know what is going on locally for us, so that we can align ourselves with those bigger organizations, especially doing stuff locally to make ourselves available to volunteer to be a part of. So those are some things that we are working on the back and now, as we're starting to build and we're starting to make this like, more efficient, also, Danny's husband has been like, so fantastic. We'll be on the phone talking, and he would hear and by the time we're off the phone, he's already done it. So he's got our website going, which is going to be blue mom group.org, and he is helping us starting the process of becoming an official nonprofit. So we're doing all those things while we are kind of, you know, flying the plane as we built it. But it's exciting, you know, and Danny and I talk a lot about this is our baby. We can make it as big or as small as we want, right? We can choose to keep moving, but moving at a pace that works for both of us in our lives. Yeah, but the idea is, like we're building this or our children will know that we've done all we could do right to make the world as cliche as it sounds, right, a better place when they have that's kind of our inspiration to do the work
Casey O'Roarty 22:50
well. And I love highlighting the two of you right now in this like early days process, because it's such a great example that you know this is available to anyone. You know, when you feel the injustice, when you feel something in your space and your community isn't okay, run with it. Go with it. You know, find like minded people you know. And if you're listening right now thinking this is amazing, and I want to know how I can, you know, continue to follow and Put me in coach, like I'm thinking to myself, like, I want you to have a whole system for, like, training up the leaders in all of the little communities and towns and, you know, so that we can be ever better at organizing. Because not everybody has, you know, the experience of organizing, and it can feel really daunting, and I think that's where people are in inaction is because it can feel so big, but you're really showing us and modeling that, like you just said, Tracy, it can be as bigger as little. The action steps can be as bigger as little as we want. So how do we tune into those three tips Thursday and make sure we're on your newsletter. How do we follow you guys?
Traci Baxley 24:05
Three things on Thursday we're going to put up on our Instagram each month. Our Instagram is blue, underscore, mom, underscore, group. We're working on the newsletter now. We're going to have a monthly newsletter that goes out. So we're going to be collecting emails right at one point like so shocked. We were up for 48 hours and we had 1000 followers. So we know people are hungry to do the work, right? People just afraid of, I'm not afraid, but just are kind of paralyzing. What do we do next? Yeah, so we want to be the one to offer really small, actionable steps that keep you moving, but you don't have to feel overwhelmed by it. And we're going to share how we build right when we do something one week, we're going to come on Instagram and say, This is what we did this week. You can do this too, at your level. So we're going to share our journey so that people can feel empowered to do the same. Yeah.
Dani Ferrigno 24:59
Start by following our Instagram, I would say, is the best way, because that's our ground zero. That's the right way to say, yeah, and we're going to go from there. I mean, we do have a local WhatsApp chat with the local moms, and we definitely want to make a platform for people to have their own, you know, if you want to call it chapters, like you said, because there's people everywhere that they want to do the same thing. They want to meet with like minded people. They want to change their community. They don't want their children to be afraid. I kind of feel like, ever since my kids were little, I felt like dropping them off at school was, like, dangerous because of these school shootings, and it's scary. You know, being Jewish, it's been scary. You're scared for your kid to be different anyway. I think everyone that has that fear for their children wants to do something. So we're in the process of trying to find legally, the best way to put it out there for people to follow along do what we do, but until we get there, we're just going to keep sharing things that people can do today, easy. And
Casey O'Roarty 26:05
I have to say, your Instagram is looking great. Your grid really looks good. Is that you? Tracy,
Dani Ferrigno 26:12
oh yes,
Traci Baxley 26:14
yeah. I
Casey O'Roarty 26:15
mean, visually. You know my daughter, who's almost 22 you know she's all about the esthetic. She's like, I'm sure she would be like, Oh yeah, the esthetic of that grid is just fantastic, yeah. Well, and I just want to say that I really appreciate you to being willing to lead the charge and being willing to show us what's possible. Because, you know, it is a brave new world, and all is not lost. I do not want to sit inside of the idea that all is lost. All is not lost. We have a voice. We get to use it, yeah?
Traci Baxley 26:49
AC, we can. We're all afraid. Everybody has fear. We can either use, let the fear be used to separate us, right, yeah, to make us our own shells, to only be around like people who look like us, who talk like us, or we can use that fear to build bridges right, to change the world, to think about others. We're choosing to use our fear in a way that it supports and builds.
Casey O'Roarty 27:14
And I think when we bring it back to what you mentioned at the start, which is, this is about the safety. This is about safety, the safety of our kids, our young women, our LGBTQ plus kids, our kids of color, our kids walking in school buildings, right? This is about the safety of our kids. And I feel like to not get behind that is crazy pants. So like,
Dani Ferrigno 27:41
like, I have this memory pop up on Facebook. You know me like praying for Hillary Clinton to be president, because I wanted my kids to grow up in a world where, because I vote on social issues, yeah, me too. So of course, when I said that during the election, I wanted them to grow up in a world where, like, all women's rights and gay rights and black rights and Jewish rights and everyone who's different, just like, Let's love each other and be happy. As long as you're a good person, you should be able to do whatever you want to do. Like, I just felt like, oh my god, that memory was from so long ago, and I still feel that exact same feeling like, why don't I feel any better? Why don't I feel like that memory where I wanted something and now it's here, I just feel like it's almost worse. I don't know I have my waves, but this group has made me feel hopeful. I went from being heartbroken on the floor and crying in the street to feeling hopeful, like there's so many people like us, we've got a difference. Yeah.
Casey O'Roarty 28:41
I mean, just under half of the voters, like, you know. I mean, it's not like the entire country as blown up into mayhem. It's, you know, yeah. And I'm a social voter too, and so people have other reasons that they vote, and I don't know. I thank God for you guys. Thank you so much. I so appreciate the two of you. Is there anything else you want to make sure that you really bring home for listeners before we wrap it up?
Traci Baxley 29:09
The only thing I can say is, don't sit on the sidelines. Yeah, like you anger, that fear, that sadness, that frustration, that you know, whatever those feelings are, use it to move forward. And I think we didn't post the other day. You know, whether it's apathy, advocacy or activism, don't be in that first group, right? Their feelings to to push the needle, yeah, even if it's very small,
Dani Ferrigno 29:37
right? Yes, for people who are more afraid to take a big step, even if it's small. Take a step. Don't just sit on the sidelines like it's not and even if you aren't afraid for your children, or you don't have children. But you know these things are wrong. Say something, and even to the you know, red voters right that maybe aren't voting on social justice issues, but. They care about these five things. I ask those people like, take this and please, I beg you to make it a priority. These five things should be a priority for every single person in this country, and if you didn't prioritize them when you voted in this last election, prioritize it now, because you don't have to be a Democrat to care about these five things, but these five things are all super at risk right now. Yeah,
Casey O'Roarty 30:26
well, and on that note, ladies, on that note. And in this context, what does joyful courage mean to you?
Dani Ferrigno 30:37
Well, I keep telling Tracy that I'm so glad I met her because, or you know, that I connected with her on this because I'm the kind of person who would have cried on Wednesday, said I wanted to start a group on Thursday, and by Friday, been afraid and not done it. And so she's actually given me the courage. And, like I said, it went from me being depressed and crying to I'm super happy and excited. This has made me excited. And so, you know, Joy, I love the name because and I love it in the context of what we're doing, because Tracy gave me the courage to do this,
Traci Baxley 31:13
and Danny's giving me the joy.
Casey O'Roarty 31:15
Oh my gosh, you guys are adorable. It's great.
Traci Baxley 31:19
I think our partnership is really great, because we're different in so many ways, but our hearts are the same. We're both empaths, and we bring our different experiences together in such a beautiful, joyful way. And I think blue mom group right now, it is very much joyful career. Yeah,
Casey O'Roarty 31:37
I love it. Hey, Mann, well, crunch. Well, you are welcome to come back on here, and you know, talk about the joyful courage of your work any time as you continue to grow, please know that you are always welcome here, and I love you know your talk about community and sitting down at the table with others, and how that generates a collective courage and a collective feeling of uplift. Really matters, and listeners, I really want you to take that away and remember that as we move into you know, what's unfolding in front of us here in the United States, we get to come at it from that place of courage and possibility and expansion, and I think that's when we can really make a difference and impact change. So thank you to the two of you so much. Thank you for making this happen and being here with me.
32:33
Thanks for having
Dani Ferrigno 32:35
us. Thanks for caring, thanks for being you.
Casey O'Roarty 32:39
Man. Thank you so much for listening in today. Thank you to my sproutable partners, as well as Chris Mann and the team at pod shaper for all the support with getting this show out there and making it sound good. Check out our offers for parents with kids of all ages, and sign up for our newsletter to stay connected@besproutable.com tune back in later this week for our Thursday show, and I'll be back with another interview next Monday. Peace.
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