Eps 272: The Many Faces of Motherhood with Alyssa “Twist” Light

Subscribe to the Podcast

Transcription

Casey O'Roarty 0:03
Casey, Hello friends. Welcome to the joyful courage podcast, a place where we tease apart what it means to be a conscious parent and a conscious human on the wild ride of parenting. I am your host. Casey o'rourdy, positive discipline trainer, parent coach and mom walking the path right next to you as I imperfectly raise my own two teenagers. Joyful courage is all about grit growth on the parenting journey, relationships that provide a sense of connection and meaning and influential tools that support everyone in being their best selves. Today's show is an interview, and I encourage you to listen for how grit shows up as my guest and I tease things apart. Thank you so much for listening. I am deeply, deeply honored to lead you. I'm grateful that what I put out matters to you, and I am so, so excited to keep it coming. Thank you for who you are and for being in the community, enjoy the show.

Hello, everyone. I'm so glad to have you back and listening to the show. My guest today is Alyssa twist light. Twist is a professional speaker who helps businesses grow by utilizing the power of storytelling in every aspect of their operations, especially marketing. Twist believes it is her responsibility to make event planners look like superheroes and the attendees feel like rock stars. Twist and I are currently in a business program together, that's where we met, and I have told her all about my work here at joyful courage. And during those conversations, she has shared the ways that she has stepped into parenting roles over the years. And I just am so intrigued, and feel like a conversation with her is going to be really useful for our conversation. We are going to be talking about the variety of ways that we might find ourselves in the role of parenting, supporting, guiding, mentoring teens. Hi twist, welcome to the show.

Alyssa “Twist” Light 2:12
Hey friend, how are you?

Casey O'Roarty 2:13
I'm good. I'm good. I'm really excited for this conversation, I have to say, mostly because the more I get to know you through the program that we're in, the more I just genuinely like you and want to know you better. So this is a nice little way of doing this. Yay.

Alyssa “Twist” Light 2:30
Very kind of you. I have really enjoyed our interactions. Casey,

Casey O'Roarty 2:34
so you have shared a little bit with me about the roles that you've played in the life of teens. Will you talk a little bit about your experience with my listeners? Absolutely.

Alyssa “Twist” Light 2:43
So the variety of experience working with teens who have special needs and not and specifically, the one that you and I chatted more about was when I about when I fostered a teenager. So that was my most personal interaction with parenting. And then I have also had the privilege of mentoring a large number of kids that have come through a summer camp that I worked at was the executive director at so lots and lots and lots of teenagers there.

Casey O'Roarty 3:15
God bless you. So I'm especially interested in and I know that you're not necessarily showing up as an expert on being a foster parent, but I am. I You are the person that's on the show right now, and I'm really intrigued by the whole experience of fostering kids, fostering teens, for you, what took you to that place of being open to bringing in the teen that you did bring in as a foster parent. So

Alyssa “Twist” Light 3:41
the first I just want to be clear, that's the best way to say this. So I think that there are a lot of aspects to fostering, and whether you are taking in somebody else's child on a part time basis or a full time basis, that I think there's the term fostering doesn't just apply to what goes on in the system. And so in our case, the young lady that came to live with me, she was 16 at the time, she came to live with me because her mother was unwilling to have her anymore, and she was going to essentially be homeless. And so I had always wanted to foster and wasn't expecting that to happen in that way. Had always dreamed of sort of sort of going through the system like as in the foster care system. In this particular case, we were utilizing other services for support while she lived with me for a couple of years.

Casey O'Roarty 4:32
Okay, so how did this girl come into your life? What was what's the story?

Alyssa “Twist” Light 4:36
So when I was working at the summer camp that I later became the Executive Director at I met her there as a camper, and the camp supported underprivileged and at risk kids from across Ontario and Canadian and in this particular camp, there weren't a lot of rules about keeping in touch with kids or not. And of course, 15 years ago, as Facebook was emerging, you know, the kids thought it was cool to. Find us on Facebook. And despite the fact that we all had, you know, private profiles, or it was more difficult than to find people, lots of them found us, and we ended up keeping in touch with them. So in in this particular case, she happened to have been one of my campers about, oh, my goodness, how many years earlier, several, several, several years earlier. And then the second time that we fostered, we had two boys who were tweens, not teens yet, and that was through the system, and we met them again through the summer camp that I was the director of the their worker had approached us about adopting after I said, Oh my gosh, I just adore these kids, and we were not in a position to adopt, and so we stayed in their life in a different way.

Casey O'Roarty 5:46
Yeah, so talk to me a little bit about your decision to I mean, I think about this system, and I know Canada probably has a, you know, there's probably similarities and differences as far as, like the quote system goes, but to be official and to step into, you know, being open to being a soft landing, being a place for kids who need help, what drove you to being open to that? Because I think a lot of us, and I said this before I hit record, like I'm super in awe and inspired by people who are willing to open their homes up to kids like that. And, you know, a lot of people don't myself included. I'm just wondering, like, what was the inner drive, inner passion for you to open up to those kinds of relationships? Well,

Alyssa “Twist” Light 6:36
it's not hard to fall in love with kids. And one of the things that people don't realize and don't think about is the kids didn't end up in the system because they did something wrong, right? And as simple as that may seem, now that I've said it for a lot of people listening, they'll go, Oh, right. And so one of the deterrents from having a child or children in your home from the system is that they're quote, unquote bad kids or difficult kids, and some of them are very challenging. They are. However, if your child was in the system, they would probably be very challenging too, and so my driving force for wanting to support them was knowing that a lot of these kids don't have somewhere else to go. And during my time as the director of the camp, watching so many kids get off the bus with little, or sometimes nothing, with them, and knowing that there was probably not much at home for them either, and listening to all of their stories and the disclosures that were made, knowing that I have the capacity to do something about it in a very small way in the grand scheme of things, but hopefully in a very big way for them, was really important to me.

Casey O'Roarty 7:59
Yeah, I think there's something to be said for the work the day job of being with kids, as far as opening yourself to the idea of taking them in like that. Because I remember, before I had my kids, I was a school teacher in a really small rural town up here in Washington State, and there were kids in really tough situations that had I been able to it would have been an easy yes to say, just come live with me, right? So I I'm wondering too like for that proximity piece and remembering, and I love what you said about you know, while the system can create problems for kids. Kids don't end up in that kind of situation because they are the problem. I think that's really important for all of us to hear. So thank you for that. And I just thinking about, you know, the adverse childhood experiences that no child asks for. They are simply born into and, yeah, yeah, that's powerful. A

Alyssa “Twist” Light 9:05
big thing is listening to their stories in a way that doesn't judge who they are or where they've come from. So listening to kids tell stories of, oh, well, we didn't have running water, so we just used a bucket and put it in the backyard, and for there to be no, no awareness that there's something wrong with that, instead of judging them for there's nothing wrong with that, what's wrong with them for not thinking that is to say or to look at it with curiosity and say, Wow, what? What could I add to your life to help you see that in the future, something different is possible for you, or listening to children share that their parents or their siblings have died sometimes in front of them and wanting to just, you know, I'm sure when, when people hear that, who are listening to this, I'm sure that some of you want to just reach out and hold those kids. But in reality. Quality, and this will be a very opposing view to what a lot of you believe. Love doesn't cure everything, and it's not loving the kids enough that will help them get better. It's stability and consistency and them wanting to have something be different in their lives. Because for kids who grew up paying in a bucket for the first 10 years of their life, they don't know any different, and they don't know why you think it's so weird. So

Casey O'Roarty 10:27
and they we cling to what's familiar, like, what's familiar feels safe, even if what's familiar isn't the most optimal environment, right? Absolutely,

Alyssa “Twist” Light 10:36
absolutely. And so not making a child wrong for something that we believe should be a certain way, or we know to be a certain way, or we know should be a different way. For example, if you're taking in a child who comes from an abusive home, or a home where people are using drugs or alcohol and telling them when they get upset that you're having a drink and doing it responsibly, they can't see the difference between mom or dad or aunt or uncle, whomever they lived with, being drunk and you having a drink. And so being able to have those really difficult conversations is also something that is is really important and can be incredibly impactful in their lives. Yeah,

Casey O'Roarty 11:27
what was the most unexpected thing for you that you took away from your experiences of having teens come and live with you?

Alyssa “Twist” Light 11:34
The big one was that love doesn't cure everything, and another one would be just how difficult parenting is. I mean, I've never raised a baby. We have chosen not to have children of our own. However, you know, I've looked after kids, many children on for weeks on end before or months on end or for two years by myself, and it was an incredibly humbling experience, to say the least.

Casey O'Roarty 12:04
So when you were going through that, those different periods of time where you were taking kids in, what did a support system look like for you?

Alyssa “Twist” Light 12:11
Not a big enough one? Because one of the things that I used to personally struggle with, and I think a lot of people who parents struggle with this, is, you know, somehow we're just supposed to figure it all out. Know what to do. And there's a shame around asking for help. And sometimes when I asked for help, for example, when the teenager I had when she was screaming a lot, and I was sometimes screaming back, quite honestly, I didn't know who to turn to. And sometimes when I turn to people for help, they would say, she's a teenager, she's going to scream. You just shouldn't, and that's not helpful, right? And furthermore, when a couple of people actually witnessed her screaming, it was very obvious that she needed much more help that I could ever offer her

Casey O'Roarty 13:01
so and then other people witnessing it as that outside observer. Was that useful in presenting that to you? Did you not realize that at the time? Were you thinking I should be able to handle this? Or is that what you mean?

Alyssa “Twist” Light 13:13
I wanted to be able to handle it. I wanted to be that person that you see on YouTube channels that are the superheroes to these lost kids, and everything goes really well, and there's nice music at the end of the clip. You know, that's that's what people think of it. You know, a successful foster as what they don't see behind the scenes are all of the really, really difficult moments that these kids go through, because not only are they trying to bond with you, some of them have things like attachment, reactive disorder. Some of them have incredibly controlling behaviors. You know, I gave the example a few minutes ago of of having a drink. And I, you know, one night we had the boys, and we were having a movie night, and, you know, I poured myself a very light beverage, to say the least. And one of the boys just flew off the handle and thought I'd be drunk, and was just really, really upset about that. And so we had to, you know, have conversations about, what does it look like to be responsible with alcohol? And you know, what happens when we have too much of something in our lives? And these were never conversations that the kids had had before, and so it was really difficult for them to get their heads around that, ultimately, whether I'm having a drink or they're having, you know, a freak out about what clothing they're going to wear that day, or, you know, whether it's time to do their homework. You know, none of it is actually about what's going on. Specifically, it's always about them wanting to feel like they have control because they've had I shouldn't say always. It's often, I apologize I should not have said always. It's often about them wanting to feel like they have control because they've had so little of it in their lives. You know, they've been moved from house to house. You know, everything you see about kids who come with like garbage bags full of stuff. Stuff like these kids don't even have suitcases, right? And so, you know, imagine yourself or your child being sent to somebody else's house with nothing but garbage bags full of stuff. I mean, how degrading is that, right? And so starting back at the beginning and being able to say, hey, let's get you some things that matter to you can go a long way in building the beginnings of relationships with kids who are really challenged. And those are some of the things that I learned along the way.

Casey O'Roarty 15:26
Well, I love what you said about control, and I think that that is a powerful lesson no matter if you're in a fostering situation or raising your bio kids. And what I really appreciate is, no matter like you, you just kind of identified what I I've often talked about as the tip of the iceberg. Right? The tip of the iceberg is those behaviors that are challenging, that get under our skin, attitude, school, you know, screaming, yelling, kicking, all the things are the tip of the iceberg. But being able to and I think this, I would love for you to speak into your experience of this, but being aware and aware enough adult human being to recognize this kid is having a hard time, this kid is having a challenge. This kid isn't being a challenge, and then dropping into curiosity around, okay, what's actually happening for this child, and addressing that and letting go of all the stuff that's in front of you, you know, that takes a bit of powerful awareness and personal growth to get there. And I'm, I'm curious about, you know, your experience with that was that something that you developed over time. Were you supported with that? How did that come about for you? Were you just naturally super Zen?

Alyssa “Twist” Light 16:49
No, I mean, I've already shared that. I screamed a lot, right? It's not, it's not something that I'm proud of at all. There was, I mean, first of all, raising a teenage girl is different than having two tween boys. And the things that I learned along the way were not always easy lessons, and I had to really look at myself and say, Wow, twist. You definitely could have done a better job of that. And I also had to give myself credit in really difficult situations where it maybe didn't end the way I wanted it to, but that I did the best I could in that moment, and realizing that that child was doing the best in their moment, and even though it wasn't great for either of us that, you know, there's an acknowledgement there, that there's something deeper going on. And sometimes I was really good at that, but a lot of times I wasn't. I spent a lot of time judging myself for the job I didn't do. And, you know, really learned about how to stay curious instead of stay in frustration. You know, there are a lot of things I wish I could take back, but ultimately, I I wish that I had known where to go for support and what language to use, because I think that I would have been able to get more help for her if I had better understood what she was going through and what the system would allow. And you know, the other big thing that I learned, and this is, I think this is going to resonate with people, whether you are an adoptive parent, a bio parent, a foster parent, whether you're a guardian of any kind, sometimes, a lot of times, we as people and not just children, we are different in different situations because we're wearing a different hat. And so the same is true for kids, especially those who've experienced trauma and they haven't healed from their trauma. They regress in a lot of ways in a similar situation. So in our case, you know, she went to school like high school, and did fairly well at school and held a job at a coffee shop, and I allowed her to have her dog, like her dog came to live with us, which was really difficult for me, but that was really, really important to her and so and she paid for her dog. She paid for the vet bills, she paid for the food, she paid for she looked after all that. I refused to look after the dog, and that was my limit. However, when she came home, she was not the same person who went out into the world and had a job and was responsible and looked after an animal and went to school. It was oftentimes like she was a very young person and really was challenged with coping with a family dynamic. And I mean, I've already shared there are a lot of things that I wish I had done differently, and would do differently if I was in the situation again. But I think one of the biggest learnings I had is just how much children and teens change depending on the environment they're in and

Casey O'Roarty 19:52
who they're with. Gosh, yeah, and it makes sense again, like that familiar piece, like, here you are, you and your partner, holdings. Space for a safe space right where she could be seen and heard and acknowledged and connected to. And how uncomfortable that must have been, as much as it was probably, you know, such a gift also deeply uncomfortable for a kid who maybe hadn't experienced that before in the home environment, so it makes sense. And I have to say, listening to you twist talking about, kind of reflecting on your experience and your growth, and I mean, you sound like every mother on the planet, like just, you know, considering we're always looking at what we could have done better and judging ourselves when we get it wrong. And you know, so I just want you to know too, like that deeply resonates for me, as you know, the biological parent of my two kids, always looking to be better, always looking to grow, but also very aware of my shortcomings. Yeah, incredibly aware having

Alyssa “Twist” Light 21:02
her I was actually single when I had her okay. And so having her as a single person was also very different than having the boys as a partnered person. And so one of the things that I would encourage anybody listening to do is to really, when their partner gets upset, remind their partner that you're on their team, even if that's in front of the kids. And that that came up in a difficult night when our boys first moved in with us, which was on very short notice. Casey, I got a call in the morning, and I picked up the kids from school, like got a call at lunch, and they said, can pick the kids up at three o'clock. So, you know, we had a really difficult night that week with the boys, adjusting to being with us, because they were removed. They didn't even know like they left the house, they were in that morning and came home from school with me. And so we had some difficult nights with them, adjusting even though we had known them for a couple of years, like we had known them on a part time basis, and suddenly they were living with us. And so, you know, one night, and

Casey O'Roarty 22:04
that's the ideal, like, I would think that would be kind of a more ideal situation, as they already had a relationship with you. Oh,

Alyssa “Twist” Light 22:10
yeah, for sure, for sure. It was very, very different. And so, you know, on a particular evening, the kids were having a real tough time going to bed. They were scared, and they were taking that fear out on us, and they were, you know, screaming about what was going to happen and crying. And it was really short with my partner, and she looked at me and said, we're on the same team. And I went, right, right, right. And that was really all it took, was knowing, no matter what, that she had my back, and the kids seeing that was a made a huge difference, because they didn't grow up with that kind of support and stability in their home environment.

Casey O'Roarty 22:48
Yeah, well, and how powerful to to like, I just thinking about how dysregulation is super contagious, you know, and so being in a home with a couple of kids who are really dysregulated for all the, you know, developmentally appropriate reasons, and to keep your shit together is a very tall order. It's a very tall order. And to have a partner there, I love that distinction between being single and being partnered, somebody who can say, like, we're okay. You know, somebody who can in the brain research world would say it's a it's a your partner. She was able to co regulate with you by her ability to say, regulated helped the whole group. Yeah,

Alyssa “Twist” Light 23:33
yeah. And I think some really interesting things happened. We had our two sets of parents over for a birthday luncheon for one of the boys, and he was having a tough moment. There were too many people. It was just, you know, we were learning about the size of crowd. He could handle the age of the people, because he could handle being with kids. But being with adults, if it was more than two, was really difficult for him. And so there were many adults and not other kids, and he was feeling anxious about that because of other situations that he'd experienced. And on that note, it's really important not to take things personally, because although he had never experienced anything awful with us or our families, it didn't matter. It was adults, right? So there's this, this box, and he couldn't see past like this wall of this is what happened before, when lots of big people were with me, and so one of the things our parents saw was him having a tough time. And to us, it was a completely normal kind of tough time like this was just an anxiety that we were familiar with and we knew how to deal with. And our parents, you know, sharing with them that we were having a tough time in moments was different than them being here and seeing it right. And so for us, it was completely normal for them, I think their eyebrows must have been, you know, on their hairlines, because they were so surprised at his behavior. And so I think the other thing that's really important is to remember that from moment to moment, our kids are going. We feel differently, and our kids are going to even if they're in the same situation twice, they may react differently. And so meeting them where they're at instead of where we want them to be is a really important thing, and not by matter of, you know, breaking down and coddling them, but literally, just like having them identify, what do you need in this moment to feel safe, and that was something that we worked really hard with our boys on.

Casey O'Roarty 25:26
Yeah. I mean, my guess is, if no one's asked them that question before, it'll take a few different kinds of conversations approaches to help them to really even understand what it is that you're asking. Yeah,

Alyssa “Twist” Light 25:38
oh, yeah, absolutely. And the time to have it is not when they're upset. Sure, the time to have it is when they're calmer, maybe before bed, or maybe not necessarily in the car. I know there's a lot of people who think that car conversations are a great conversation place to have conversations. I only agree with that if the child brings up the topic, because otherwise you're having an uncomfortable conversation in a confined space, and I don't think that that's fair for

Casey O'Roarty 26:06
us, yeah, and especially if the kids are already kind of hovering at that fight or flight place, Yep, yeah, yeah.

So most of the people listening, I'm making an assumption about all of you listeners, but I know you all pretty well, so I'm gonna guess that the majority of my audience are raising their biological kids, or maybe are raising adopted kids. I'm guessing there's probably a percentage that have fostered are fostering kids. I'm guessing there's a smaller percentage that our guardians and and around kids in other roles mentors. My question, because I want my audience to get ever better at being you know, regardless of what the topic is, whenever we veer from kind of that typical biological family dynamic and move into some alternatives. My goal on this show is always to bring conversations that are gonna expand the mindset of the people that are listening. So for those of us that haven't stepped into fostering and are finding out from you, like kind of some more inner workings of the dynamics and the pain points, and just you know, all around the experience of what it is. What do you wish that parents who haven't been in a fostering relationship knew, and how do you wish that they would show up better for parents that are choosing into fostering kids?

Alyssa “Twist” Light 27:41
So I'm going to say something that may ping a few people in an uncomfortable way. Oh,

Casey O'Roarty 27:47
good. I like that.

Alyssa “Twist” Light 27:50
You know, when Mother's Day came around, it was really awkward because it was like, am I their parent? And I've never been a biological parent. I as I shared, I've only fostered and mentored other people's children, but there's something really special and intimate when another parent says, Hey, I see you, and I only had one friend wish me happy Mother's Day, and ironically, it was someone that I hadn't spoken to in years, and other people just looked at me like I was, you know, housing a kid there. It wasn't like I was a parent, and that's still really difficult for me to talk about, as I'm sure you can hear and so if you know somebody who is looking after somebody else's kids, if you know somebody who's fostering, I invite you to ask them what it's like to be a parent, and remind them that they are parenting because ultimately, if they are the One doing the laundry and the cooking and the homework and the driving around and the supporting in difficult times and the celebrating in the wonderful times and planning the birthday parties, then they're parenting. And it may not be the way that society says. This is what a parent is. However, if we look at the opposite of that and look at the biological parent. We often hear people say, Well, you know, they might be a father, but they're not a daddy, or the other way around, right, right, right? And so why aren't we giving more credit to the people who are stepping in? And I didn't need anybody to, you know, have a party for me that I had taken in a kid. That's not what it was about. It was about acknowledging that my efforts were just as valuable in the life of another person as theirs are or were.

Casey O'Roarty 29:53
Well, I'm gonna say thank you to you right now for your willingness to step in because. Yes, there are too many kids who need that. And I think it's so powerful for kids, especially teens, to have a village of healthy adults to be in relationship with like regardless of their family dynamic. And this came up in my Facebook group. Somebody had posted about their child, their teen, who was seeing a therapist and was able to open up about all sorts of things with the therapist, and the parent felt a little bit like, why can't that be me? Why that? Why can't that be my relationship with my teen? And I'm just here to say, being able to expose your teens to adults that you care about, that you value, and allowing for them to build a relationship where they can be fully themselves, you know, and like don't beat yourself up about you doing something wrong for not being that person. Celebrate your willingness to share, you know, to to create a village for your child, because it doesn't matter who they're opening up to. It matters that they have someone healthy to open up to. 100%

Alyssa “Twist” Light 31:13
Yeah, 100% I mean, if there are many, many young people in the world who call me antitwist, and one of them is I mentor her when she was a teenager, and she has three kids now, and it's so neat to see her kids. I mean, I can't see them right now because of of covid, but it's so neat to get a message that says the kids can't wait for Auntie twist to come and read. It's, you know, Scarlett's turning four today, and she can't wait for you to come read to her, you know, and to have, you know, parents that trust me to look after their kids. I mean, it's akin to being trusted with somebody's business, which often people describe as their baby. And there is no there is a shortage of of people who are willing to listen, especially to teenagers, and often, all they want is a place to belong. It doesn't mean you have to take them in. It doesn't mean you have to rescue them. They don't want to be rescued. They just want a safe place to land. And so ultimately, in my definition, judgment, is when we see something and think it should be a different way based on our values, and make somebody wrong for that. And really, what we need is to look at a child or a teenager and say, wow, there's something bigger going on here, and you don't have to share it with me, but I just want you to know that however you're feeling is okay. And if you want to speak to me, I'm here, and there are so many people that will, so many people, teenagers, young people, who will come to me and say, twist, I have this thing I need to talk about, but I don't want to tell you what it is. And the most powerful reason that people give for trusting me with their their children or their own secrets, if you will, especially teenagers, is I don't ask what it is, you know, I don't when they say to me, Oh, I'm excited about whatever, then I get excited for them. But if somebody like a teenager, came to me. And this has happened many times. A kid comes and says, twist, I'm pregnant. I don't know what to do. Instead of getting excited for them or judging them in a negative way, I say, How are you feeling about that? And if they say, Well, I'm actually kind of excited, then I say, great. Why don't you know? Can I help you make a plan? Is that why you're coming to me? Or if they say, Oh my gosh. Twist, I'm pregnant. And I say, How are you feeling about that? And they go, I don't think I can do this. I say, okay, so what would be really helpful, right now, would it be helpful for you to just talk, or for me to give you some suggestions, and you know, some resources? Oh, okay, so now I have these two options I can choose from that, great. I need some resources. Twist, okay, great. So here are the resources and to remain very calm and monotone about things neutral.

Casey O'Roarty 34:07
I'm hearing neutral.

Alyssa “Twist” Light 34:09
Thank you. That's the word neutral. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it doesn't matter if it's something as big as I'm pregnant, or as you know, what is still big to them, but as different as, you know, I failed a test, right? You know, because to them, it's just all really big all the time,

Casey O'Roarty 34:27
yeah, for sure. Oh yes. And I wish my kids could know you were in my community, yeah? And I think, you know, it's just, it's such, just such a beautiful thing. And I'm glad that we're having this conversation, because it has been on my mind, just the importance of of that, you know, healthy adult person. And you know, there's a lot of reasons, you guys, there's a lot of reasons why our teens don't pick us to bear their souls to and do we really. We want them to all the time like, let's just celebrate the fact that there are people in the world that are a better fit for some of those really tough conversations, who are willing, like you to listen deeply. Because you know what you just modeled there for all of us is how to be unconditional, how to be non judgmental, how to like I talk about with my clients, you know, keep the energetic responsibility for their choices in their hands, versus like, Oh, let me fix this. Let me sweep you up. Let me give you all of my opinions on that. And, you know, ultimately not do a lot of great things with relationships. So thank you for that. Absolutely. Yeah, well, is there anything else in the context of being an awesome adult for teens and your experiences? Is there anything else that you want to share with my listeners?

Alyssa “Twist” Light 35:54
You know? What I want you all to hear is that raising teenagers, although raising kids, is the long game, if you will, or or getting the acknowledgement we hope to even looking at, you know, when, when will they share with me? Why can't I be that person? You know, I didn't have that relationship with my mother until I was in my 30s, yeah, and so if I hadn't had a specific person to go to to talk about things when I was a teenager. I don't know that I could have possibly had the have the relationship now that I have with my mom. Yeah. And so maybe they don't want to share with you now, but if you give them space now to share with whomever they need to, then in the future, they'll trust you more. Yeah.

Casey O'Roarty 36:36
And I gotta tell you, my 30s too is where my relationship with my mom went very next level. So everybody I know, everything feels very intense right now, and they're in your house, and you're working with your kids, and you're looking at the future, and you're totally future tripping. I see you. I know you. I am you sometimes remember like you just highlighted twist. It's a it's a long relationship that we have with our kids. So beautiful. What does joyful courage mean to you?

Alyssa “Twist” Light 37:06
Oh my gosh. In those moments that that we have the opportunity to, you know, do something fun or do something that we're supposed to do, we should definitely eat dessert first.

Casey O'Roarty 37:24
I love that. I love that if people are interested in finding out more about you and what you're up to in the world, where can they find you? Just

Alyssa “Twist” Light 37:32
find me on Facebook. Friends. I am the only Alyssa twist light on Facebook.

Casey O'Roarty 37:36
Perfect. Thank you so much for spending time with me today. This is really great. Thanks

Alyssa “Twist” Light 37:41
for sharing some time with me.

Casey O'Roarty 37:49
All right. All right, all right. Thanks again for listening. If you feel inspired and you haven't already, do me a favor and head over to Apple podcast. Leave a review. Five stars, we are working so hard to stand out and make a massive impact on families around the globe. And your review, your apple podcast review, helps the joyful courage podcast to be seen by even more parents. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Also follow joyful underscore courage on Instagram and Facebook. We love connecting with you on social media, and don't forget, as a member of the joyful courage community, you can access counseling and get 10% off your first month if you go to www.betterhelp.com/joyful courage. Have a beautiful week. My friends, happiest of mother's days to all you mamas out there. Love you so much. See you next week.

See more