Eps 156: Heather Chauvin Finds Herself Through Teaching her Children Meditation and Returning to Health

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Casey O'Roarty 0:00
Music. Hey everybody, welcome to the joyful courage podcast, a place for information and inspiration on the conscious parenting journey. Conversations you'll hear on this show are all intended to offer you tools for moving forward, expanding your lens and shifting your narrative to one of possibility, connection and empowerment when we bring deep, listening, acceptance and courage to our relationships, we are doing our part to evoke it in the world. I am thrilled to partner with you on this path. Hey there, podcast listeners. My guest today is Heather Chauvin. Heather has been named the next generation's thought leader in parenting and women's leadership. Her mission is to crack women open to their deep potential and help them understand and decode their child's behavior. Heather is a TEDx speaker and the creator of mom is in control podcast. She has been featured on the own network, Huffington Post, TV outlets and others with Wit and Wisdom, Heather inspires a global community of women to take back control of their lives and evolve how they lead, work, play and parent. Hi Heather. Welcome to the podcast.

Heather Chauvin 1:19
I'm so excited to be here. I love these conversations. Thank you, Casey,

Casey O'Roarty 1:24
You are so welcome. Will you please share with the listeners a little bit more about how you found yourself doing what you do?

Heather Chauvin 1:31
Oh, boy. How much time do we have? It's a journey, right? Everything, everything gets us to this point. But in a nutshell, it was motherhood that rocked my world. So I have three boys. They're 13, eight and five, and as we're recording this, this is the last day of school, which I love, the last day of school. I'm one of those people that enjoy spending time with my children, but it wasn't always that way. So we'll talk more about that. But I got here from a long journey of self discovery and trying to figure out who I wanted to be in the world, and there was always this contrast of who I wanted to be in the world versus who everyone else thought I should be. And I remember the first moment I looked at my son, I was like, I really need to show up. Now, I was a young mom, and I didn't really care about much before, previously, I was like, dang, if I want him to become anything. I need to become that person first, to show him, to guide him, and it was a struggle. And I don't like using the word struggle. I wouldn't even say it was a challenge. It was a hardcore struggle to figure out, what are my belief systems, what are my values versus what does everybody else want me to be? And that wasn't always a positive thing, right? Being young, being a parent, people were like, Oh yeah, you're already a goner. Yeah, oh yeah, we can see you. You're going to become a statistic. This isn't a good one. And I had to fight. I had to fight, to crawl my way out of that black hole of feeling alive. And then as I continued through my journey, through parenting, trying to figure out my son's behaviors, you know, he became very anxious, and it kind of reminds me of like anxious and afraid, like a TV show or something, but he was very anxious and overwhelmed, and this little sensitive soul coming into the world, and I didn't know this. I didn't know what anxiety was. I didn't know what sensitivity was. I didn't know what it meant to be empathetic, or an empath, or anything like that. And here I am, you know, getting a degree in social work and mental health and child psychology, and that was the first time I really discovered about anxiety, and realizing that I was struggling with anxiety my whole life, and I didn't know. So then, when my son was around four or five years old, you know, the anger started to come out because he's starting to go to school, and the teachers are starting to call, and I didn't know I felt like a huge failure. I didn't know how to support him, and that's when I turned to meditation. But, no, no, I didn't need to meditate. It wasn't me. It wasn't me. I laugh now because I run a program called teach your kid to meditate, because this was how I started my whole business. Let's teach children how to calm down. Let's teach them how to breathe. And that's how I found meditation. I was determined to teach my son mindfulness so that he felt calm in his body. And as we were implementing this tool and strategy into our home, I realized, oh my god, I'm the one who needs to meditate. I don't feel in control of my own big emotions. I don't know, oh my gosh. I. There's all this energy around me. Wow. Negative people really suck the life out of me. Oh my gosh. Nine out of 10 people in my life are negative nancies. So it was a huge overhaul that I had to go through and balancing. Well, I don't like the word balancing, but managing that energy was a huge learning curve for me. Yeah. I mean, I could go on and on and on and then and then, four years ago, that was a huge punch in the face by the universe.

Casey O'Roarty 5:28
Yeah, tell us what happened four years ago.

Heather Chauvin 5:30
So four years ago, I'm decided about five, six years ago, I decided I'm leaving social work. I can't do this anymore. My soul is slowly leaving my body. This is not where my message, my joy, my purpose is. And that was really, really hard, because I felt like I was leaving every client I ever had. And you know, in social work, if you've ever come through the degree, they pretty much brainwash you to give, give, give, give, give, give, and do not expect anything in return. And you know you're working with some of the most vulnerable populations. And that's where my heart, my soul, is. So as I decided to leave, I jump into my coaching program, coaching practice. I'm building my business. I'm quote, unquote hashtag, hustle. Right? Hustling, because that's what all the business mentors are telling you, and I'm like, an ambitious person. So I have three boys. My youngest is a year old at this time, and I'm doing everything that I can to make ends meet. And I get diagnosed with cancer. And it wasn't just one day I got diagnosed with cancer. My body was telling me for a really, really long time, it was showing me the signs, it was showing me the symptoms. It was knocking on my door. It was saying, Heather, wake up. Right? It was ringing the doorbell, and I just refused to answer the door. And so finally, when the pain and the discomfort got so bad, I went to the emergency room, and my abdomen was so swollen Casey that people were starting to ask me, oh, When are you due? Oh, you're having another baby. I'm like, Wow, am I in that much denial that I am oblivious to the fact that I don't know what's going on. And I remember when I went to emerge, they said to me, Oh, honey, triage for you know, pregnant women are is upstairs, and like, that is the freaking problem. I'm not pregnant. My abdomen is swollen. I'm chronically fatigued, but that's socially acceptable, you know, like it will change. It will change. Heather. And so that night, they did a CT and blood work, and on the spot, they told me I had cancer. And the creepy, crazy universal Woo, woo, part of this is I already knew, yeah, I already knew I had cancer. And it was confirmation, it was confirmation in my body that I was sick for a really long time, and I was just running away from the inevitable. And I truly believe that's why I was I was Go, go, go. And I was hustling, because I was trying to run away from my truth, which was I had to look at a demon, which was that I neglected my body for so long that this disease manifested.

Casey O'Roarty 8:20
Yeah, and you talk a little bit about your journey, your TED talk, and did you was your TED talk just a couple months ago? Yeah, it was in March. Yeah. So what was it like to be up on that stage and sharing your story, and it's on my bucket list too, that TED Talk moment. What was that like for you? It's

Heather Chauvin 8:42
really interesting, because Ted has, well, TEDx, Ted, I have to be, I have to say TEDx, because TED and TEDx are two different things. So, so I've been told, but the coordinator, um, they have very strict guidelines, right? They have timing, they have rules, all of that fun stuff. So I actually prepared me my friend were doing it, and oh my gosh, we were. We had sleepless nights and all this. But it got me to get very, very clear on the point that I wanted to make, which was dying to be a good mother. And I talked about this since the sustainable ambition theory, which I kind of just made up, which we have, kind of four different levels, survival mode, momentum, thrival, and then this creative, abundant state. And culturally, we're taught to stay in survival mode. And so, preparing for this TEDx talk, I did a lot of writing. I did a lot of, like, going within. I did a lot of rehearsing, and it was kind of comical to watch my emotional journey, because it, you know, sometimes I'm, like, really confident, and then other times, my husband actually took video of like me freaking out, going, I can't. Do this. Why am I going to do this? I'm going to fail. And really finding my voice, finding the way that I wanted to word things, it's very different than podcasting, because a lot of times I'll just hit go and I'll just talk. And I knew this wasn't going to be like that. So I'm like, what is it that I'm trying to say? And I had to distill and get, like, refine it. So it was a very interesting process. But I remember being backstage, and there was this volunteer, and he's like, Okay, you're on in five minutes. And I'm freaking out, right? Like, and he's like, talking to me, he goes, what is it that you do? Like, you know, for your job or whatever? And I looked at him, and I said, shut up. And he's like, why? I said, Don't talk to me right now. And he looked at me, it's like, okay. Like, I'm freaking out, but as soon as I go on the stage, I'll be fine. And he started talking about he was an actor, right? He did some acting. And so he's talking about the adrenaline, like, honing in stuff. And he's looking at me like, oh my god, this chick is crazy. She's gonna go on stage and she's going to bomb like she did. So anyways, the curtains, the curtains open, and I was like, It's go time. Heather, you have your slides. Just use them as pointers, and just speak from your heart and trust that whatever comes out of your mouth is exactly what they need to hear in the audience. You've rehearsed this over and over and over again, but now is not the time to memorize. Now it's time to speak your truth, to be you, to fully show up. And I did, and I wasn't scared, and it was magical. And then I was just like, wow, that's done. Okay, what's next? Yeah, and it, but to me, it kind of represents life, because, oh my gosh, everyone's like, how was that? Oh my god. And I'm like, it's, it's the name, right, the brand, and that's why people are like, Ted TEDx, oh my gosh, oh my gosh. Like, it's just a name, it's just a fancy brand that everybody knows. Just like, if you met Oprah or something, she's a human being. She has a heart, you know, blood pumps through it, and for whatever reason, people are like, Oh, my God, this is so exciting. But the truth was, in that moment, it felt so easy. It felt so easy. And I just had to do the work to get there. I had to practice. I had to rinse and repeat. I had to show up daily. And then in the moment, I executed. And then after it is what it is, right? Let it go. I'm like, whoever needs to see this will see this. And you know, if and when I do another one, it will get it will get better. It will be better. And you just constantly refining your craft, yeah,

Casey O'Roarty 12:41
well, I loved your talk, and what I experienced in watching you was just

ease. And I think you're right. It's because you made the conscious decision to speak your truth and to trust that the audience was going to receive what they needed to receive. And I love what you said about you know, it's a metaphor for life. I feel like every opportunity, whether it's giving a big speech or navigating, you know, challenging parenting moments, or leaving your job or becoming an entrepreneur. I mean, it just doesn't even matter driving in traffic. All of it is this opportunity to show up to life in a way of your choosing, of your design. And I just want to say congratulations, because it is just a brand, it is just a name, and it's also a big deal. So yay you. It's exciting. Yeah, thank you. Thank you for what you shared. And I loved your Tell me again, what you called it, those four levels

Heather Chauvin 13:45
sustainable ambition theory. So it's kind of like, you know, if you watch those, like, Maslow's hierarchy of needs, right the bottom is like the basic human needs. So I'm like, this is survival mode. This is where everyone's living, like day to day, like putting out fires constantly. And then the next one is momentum, where you're starting to implement those tools and those practices and those systems, and you're like, Okay, I got this right. Like riding that wave if you're like, catch a wave when you're surfing, like the one time I tried that. And the next phase is the thrival mode, where you are create. You're being consistent with your habits, you're being consistent with the momentum. And you're like, wow, I can feel this. I feel lighter. Life is easy. Parenting feels easy. Wow. I've let go of struggle. This is no longer my identity. I can take a shower every day. I can put clean clothes on every day. Wow. I can sit down, I can read a book. I can read a book with my children around me. And then beyond that is like, this next phase, which I'm kind of jumping into writing this book, and just I'm like, Oh my gosh, you know, I'm so far removed from survival mode, which is where I live for, I don't know, 20. The first 25 years of my life, even being a child, being in survival mode. Mean, that's a whole nother conversation, because my my mother, my mom, was a single parent. My mother lived in survival mode, and I spent most of my time with her. So I grew up in survival mode. Yeah, not enough not enough money, not enough time, not enough food, not enough everything. And so that was what I was conditioned. So I had to uncondition myself. So getting to this point of like, wow, life is good, and I can have more, and by having more, I can be more to so many more people. So now that I'm in the state of I can give back. I can give back so much more of my time, my energy and money. Yeah,

Casey O'Roarty 15:40
beautiful. Hey. Listeners, popping in for just a minute to let you know that the joyful courage 10 is coming back around just in time for the transition into fall. The JC 10 is a 10 day deep dive into growing our practice of being ever more intentional in our parenting. Each day, you will enjoy a Facebook Live with me, prompts to encourage your learning and an active community of parents walking the path with you. People love the joyful courage 10 and experience profound shifts in their experience of parenting and humaning through their participation. If you are interested in 10 days of intentional visioning, 10 days of mindful mindset shifting, 10 days of strategic tools for your parenting journey, sign up today. Go to www dot, joyful courage.com/jc, 10. That's www, dot, joyful courage.com/jc, 10. Now back to the interview. Tell us a little bit more about the book that you're working on. Is it about meditation, or is it about this sustainable ambition theory, which I'm really hoping that if you're not writing about that, please write a book about that. I would love to read it. Well,

Heather Chauvin 17:11
okay, so this is the thing I started this whole journey with meditation. That was my thing, right, right? And that's what really started my business. That's what started the message of, there's more to life, and meditation is one tool that can get you there. And what I've discovered over time was, you know, the parents were saying to me, Heather, this is all great. I just don't have the time or the energy to implement this in our home. Or, you know, I just need my child to listen to me. I just need my child to respect me. And so as I kept pulling back the layers with these women, what I realized is we can't get our children's respect unless we respect our children. And deeper than that, we need to learn to respect ourselves. So it's the same thing with time, right? If we're not respecting our time, if we're not creating boundaries, other people are gonna be like, Oh yeah, I can. I can text her 24 hours a day, she'll respond, right? So if you're sitting on the other side going, Oh, why are they texting me, and you're replying, you're teaching people how to treat you, right? So what I learned and discovered was it was so much more than mindfulness in the parenting world, and that's kind of where my business has shifted to. That's my message. Is this? This the sustainable ambition. So, love it. God, so great. I'm in the creed. I feel like where I'm at today is somebody has given me all the colors in the world and a blank canvas. And they're like, create a masterpiece. And so I'm like, You know what? Before I would put so much pressure on myself and needs to be masterpiece. Now I'm like, No man, nobody's gonna see this painting. I'm just gonna, I'm just gonna start painting it, and then I'll share it in the world. But I know there's way more than one book inside of me, so we'll see which one comes out first.

Casey O'Roarty 18:56
Oh, it's so interesting too, because I've been writing this year as well, and the book that I started writing in the fall my daughter, my oldest, is 15 now. She just finished her freshman year of high school, and and it's, oh, my god, it's so interesting, right? To have this concept and start to write about it, and then, like, continue to live your life and live experiences that perhaps you didn't see coming. And you know, it's then it's the end of the year, and you go back to the beginning of the book, and it's like, oh my gosh, this is not even what this book is. But anyway, it's all creative process. And yay. Well, that's awesome, and I'm excited for you and to see your canvas definitely. And so talking about mindful meditation, because that is what the topic is. Although, now that I'm talking to you, Heather, I'm thinking, oh my gosh, there's like, so many directions I want to take this conversation, but I'm going to come back to the mindful meditation, because I love I talk a lot about, you know, all of my clients that I work with, and listeners of the podcast know this. I am a big supporter of meditation as a personal practice. This as a personal parenting practice for exactly what you said. You know, we want our children to grow and develop self regulation, and if we aren't actively pursuing self regulation, it's kind of falls on deaf ears. And I think meditation is that place where we get to practice recognizing what we're doing when we're doing it and coming back to that state of connection and peace inside of ourselves, so that then we can be in relationship with the person in front of us from that place versus that highly emotional, dysregulated place. And I love thinking about teaching it to like intentionally teaching mindful meditation to kids. So so when you say that, and we're just going to pretend that listeners are brand new to the idea of mindful meditation. What is a mindful meditation practice for kids look like?

Heather Chauvin 20:55
So I always say that it's easier to teach a child to meditate than an adult. And people used to think I was crazy for saying that, but I used to love working with children more than adults, because we have ego. Yes, we do a lot of conditioning and learning and judgment. And when people like, oh, but, but, but, but, but when you teach a child, it's like you're saying, remember this? And they're like, yes, yes, yes. So there's so many formal definitions of quote, unquote meditation, and we live in a western culture where it is definitely not Eastern philosophy, even though we're incorporating the two and trying to integrate the two. You know, we live in a very fast paced environment, so mindful meditation, to me means awareness, simple awareness. And there are many ways you can do that. I personally teach. I'm all about what works for your child, what works for that individual, and it is very challenging, let's just say, to understand that we cannot have a belief or a definition of what this looks like for the individual, because then you're putting them in a box, and you're going to create tremendous resistance. So I'm going to give you an example. When I used to do workshops back in the day, kids would be dropped off, and I would do this meditation workshop, and it would be a little bit of drawing and coloring, and, you know, I'd walk them through a guided visualization, which either I previously recorded or something I got off YouTube, or I would just literally read A story out of a book and tell everybody close their eyes. And I just read a little bit, you know, quieter. And there was this one kid in the class, and he's running around in circles, running while everyone's sitting there with their eyes closed, running, running, running, running. And I, at this point, I'm not attached, right? Because we're so attached to children's outcome and stuff, then we put the pressure on them. So I'm not attached, because I'm not his parents, so I don't care. And I'm just like, hey, it is what it is. So mom shows up to pick them up. She's like, I'm so sorry, Heather. And I said, Listen, I think this is a learning opportunity for you and I. And she's like, what I said, just let them be let's keep showing up and figure it out. Comes back the next week, she brings this piece of paper. She goes, Look, this is what Andrew. His name is. Andrew drew in your workshop, and I started crying. She's like, why are you crying? Heather, I said, all the kids, they drew guns and ridiculous things that had nothing to do with the meditation nothing. They were like, ooh, kitty cats and rainbows, or like, here's big guns and trucks. And they just depend on the child and their needs, right? Yeah, this child who perceived to not be listening to me, right, Drew exactly what I said word for word in that paper, and he was also on the autism spectrum. And mom looked at me, and I literally have goosebumps as I'm telling the story. Mom looked at me, and she's like, Oh my gosh. I said, so your perception of who he needs to be in the world and how he needs to act, you need to change it. And she's like, Yeah, I said he's listening to you. He's watching you. And that was a huge aha moment for me. So as we're teaching these skills to our children, some kids, you know, you can, you can read them something. Sometimes it's just silent music or, like, you know, music in the background. Typically it's not sitting in silence. There's something else going on. But what I often teach is connection based meditation. So it's a conversation that happens after that blows parents mind, like, how did that feel in your body? What came up for you? What does that look like? You know, what was in your quiet room? All of these things. And the feedback I get is I didn't even know that my children had these things going on in. Mind. I didn't know how they felt in their body. And I think too often we're more worried about our own mental health because we're so overwhelmed, right? We're like, totally freaking out, going, I need to calm down. Oh my god, I'm going to lose my mind. But realizing that our children are, one, picking up on our energy, and two, they struggle with the same things we do. So it's a huge it's a beautiful connection based activity. And also co creation. I talk about co creation a lot, where it's, does your child just want to sit there and draw a beautiful picture and you have some meditative music playing in the background while you're, you know, cooking dinner. And if that's as close as you can get to your child doing mindfulness meditation, then great, let them be turn off the TV, get rid of the screens, and just have that meditation going in the background, and give them the opportunity to be creative, and then talk about it later. And it can be as simple as that, but yet we overcomplicate it. Oh,

Casey O'Roarty 25:59
I love that visual of the meditative music and the drawing. And my kids are 12 and 15, and, you know, meditation has been something that I've encouraged my younger he's like the poster child I teach positive discipline as well. So he's like my poster child for positive discipline, because he's, I say things like, Well, do you want to role play that? Oh, yeah, Mom, let's roleplay it. Or, you know, he will leave the room if upset, come back and I'll say, wow, you're you seem really calm right now. What did you do to help yourself? And he'll say, Oh, I meditated. Or, you know, we talk about putting our hands on our belly and loosening the knots, because that's how my kids talk about, like being feeling stressed or overwhelmed or scared is like their bellies are all knotted up. And he's super open and willing to go for it. My daughter, on the other hand, has decided that meditation, yoga, mindfulness, it's all my thing, and she is all things, not me right now, and she is absolutely the one that would benefit, you know? And actually, even as I say that, I'm thinking about what you just said, which is, I'm making an assumption that she isn't using any of these tools, when I don't actually know, Right?

But what are some and just thinking about listeners that maybe have older kids, because I feel like the younger ones seem a little bit not always, but a little bit more open. And as they get older, especially these lovely love them so much, these teenagers, because

Heather Chauvin 27:39
my oldest is 13, and I, I mean, boys are definitely different. You know, it's, it's the mother daughter. Relationship is a huge challenge during the teen years, and it's a little bit different. But what I tell people who say, Will this work for my child? And at this point, it's all about relationship? Yeah, right, totally. And you've planted those seeds, and fingers crossed that it's going to work, but it's like, I need you to do this because you're driving me nuts, or you need it, yeah? But the truth is, she has her own spiritual journey, and you've planted those seeds, and she will use them, or she will come back to them at some point. But right now, it's all about Mom. I'm going to do the complete opposite of what you tell me to do. And if my if my friends do meditation and yoga, or even my friend's mom, because I think she's cooler than you, then I'll do it. But if you tell me to do this or that, no, I'm doing the complete opposite. So it's, you know, they she needs that space right now. So the older ones I'm all about. It's how you react. One of the greatest quotes I ever heard, not really quote. I'm gonna paraphrase it. Josh Shipp, do you know who he is? Yeah, I do. Okay. So he talks about, you know, your child, or any child in general, is one caring parent away from a success. And he was a foster child who went from foster home to foster home like train wreck, and now he's like, you know, talks about this, and it was his last foster home who did not give up on him, and he tried to steal from him. He tried to do all of these things, and they're like, you can do at all you want to me and us, but we're not letting you go. And that is how he learned to trust adults. So he talks about, you know, being a parent to a teenager in general is like that roller coaster bar that goes across your lap and they're going to, you know, first thing you're going to do when you get on a ride is you're going to, like, jiggle that bar. Yeah, right. You want to make sure it's going to hold you. You want to make sure that bar when you're upside down, is not going to open up and you're going to go splat right on the pavement. So that is what parenting a teenager is. Like. They are rattling you. They are going. To shake you to your core, to make sure you can hold them through this process and in that moment, the last thing they want is for you to, you know, project any of your insecurities onto them. So it's all about if you want to talk about personal growth on steroids, I say parenting in general. It's typically like the toddler years, when you're like, all sleep deprived, and then you have a few, like, decent years, and then it goes back into it in teen years, where it's personal growth on steroids. You gotta show up. You gotta be able to be strong, emotionally, physically, mentally, spiritually, if you aren't putting yourself first, these are the moments you're like, I feel selfish for taking care of myself. No, it is selfish for not taking care of yourself in those moments. Because you're going to have to hold that space for your kids when they are going through big hormonal change, trying to figure out who they are, to be able to just hold space, try not to fix their problems, and be like, I fucking love you, and I'm going to be

Casey O'Roarty 30:59
here for you, for real, for real, personal growth on steroids, right when you think, Well, my experience has been right when I think I've got it together and we're in the glory time, it was like, Oh, look, look how much more learning I get to do,

Heather Chauvin 31:12
yeah, and karma, hopefully, yeah.

Casey O'Roarty 31:15
Oh, gosh, oh, man. So I love the idea of the music, like just creating that mindful space with you know what you are bringing into the environment? What are some other little tips that you have for parents who want to bring more mindfulness and meditation into their home with their kids? What are some what are some other ways that it could look

Heather Chauvin 31:36
yeah, so this isn't really like particularly about meditation, right? Because people are always looking for like, what can I do? What can I not do? So I'm going to say, I want you to, like, be quiet, stop talking. Like, do the practice of even if you have to get duct tape and put it over your mouth. And I'm not kidding. And earplugs. I love earplugs because I'm, like, a really sensitive person, so when the boys are getting loud, and then I have, like, you know, all these neighbor kids coming over, I'm like, wow, there's 10 kids in my house. And I want the children to feel safe in my home. I want them to come back. So I'm going to put head, I'm going to put headphones on and listen to something, a book, a podcast, whatever, or I'm going to put your plugs in and I'm going to listen to my breathing. And you can do this with your kids as well. Put your plugs in, and when you actually take a deep inhale and exhale, you can actually hear your breath a lot more. That was a tip that was given to me by a man who I met at yoga, who was a veteran, and his post traumatic stress was so bad that he's like Heather. I put earplugs in and I could hear my my breath even deeper, kind of like if you're underwater and you start breathing like you do that you know, with your yoga breath with your mouth closed, that's a huge tip to do for yourself or your kids if they're going to listen to you. But this whole concept of like not talking, start listening. Yeah. Love it. Women, I have this conversation with my husband all the time. He is a man, obviously. And hello. Did you know that? So men and women's brains are very, very different. And when I had this aha moment, he's like, wow, you think so much. You're so emotional about everything. Well, that's what the feminine is, right? So he's a very matter of fact, and I want to, like, make sure everyone's okay and talk it out. And he's like, just shut up, Heather. I'm like, Okay, I'm gonna try this. So when you are quiet and you're just holding space for a child and you're not trying to fix them, that's where the magic happens. Yeah. And so sometimes I will visualize, at first, I literally had to put tape on my mouth, and I will just visualize, oh, I want to say something. And I'm like, that is mindfulness. You are listening to your child without trying to fix their problem. You can actually hear them. Because what's that saying? Of we typically respond before we're actually listening, or something like that, yeah, we're

Casey O'Roarty 34:20
listening to respond, right, versus to understand. Yeah. I love that.

Heather Chauvin 34:24
Yeah. So, oh my gosh. There's many, many things that I could tell you, but really, it's about less. It's doing less, doing less. I

Casey O'Roarty 34:32
so appreciate that too, because you are right. We get caught up in the how, and then we decide how it needs to look, and then when it doesn't look a certain way, and it's not perfect. We either, you know, judge ourselves or give up. So I really appreciate how spacious this is, because it just feels and it just feels really respectful, because not all families are the same. And I'm thinking back to the story you told of the little boy who was running around. I have my own story. I was a school teacher of a boy that, you know, he was always moving and I finally just let him stand up when he needed to stand up. And I remember the other teachers in the school being like, Oh, you do that. The rest of the kids are going to want to stand up too. And nobody, none of them, the kids, were all really aware that this one little boy needed to move in a way that was different from the way that they needed to move. And it just became, you know, he was just the one that was standing up when everybody was sitting down and letting go of how things look so powerful. So thank you for that, yeah, thank you for that permission, yes.

Heather Chauvin 35:36
And I think it's, it's like the act, right? It's the journey. And a lot of people are like, I need my child to meditate, because we need calmness. We need peace in our home. And I'm like, great, this is a tool, and it's going to be the journey that's going to teach you the most lessons. And you learn a lot about your children through the process, yeah, well, their likes, their dislikes, and all of that stuff. And giving a child permission, we express so much through our bodies, and we're not taught this as an adult. You know, I'm very hyper aware now having, you know, post disease, post cancer in my body, of how my body processes things. And I I manifest a lot through my body. I resistance, like I get pain, like it's ridiculous. So you know, when I was going through big transition in my life, I decided to run a marathon because I was going to lose my mind, and it just made me run. And I felt like as I was running, I was letting go of so much excessive, old, gross, dead energy. And we have to realize that some of our children will process the exact same way. Some of them want to sit there in the corner with a little cozy blanket and just write or draw. You know, I'm good for that for about 10 minutes, and then I gotta run, I gotta move. And I didn't know this as a child, and because my drug of choice was sleep. And I say that with like conviction that my drug of choice as a teenager was sleep for somebody who needs to be moving, who needs to move her body. You know, that was not very, very good for my brain. I was sitting there in my thoughts, in my excessive, gross energy, and I didn't know who I was, and I didn't know that's how I needed that was the complete opposite of what my body needed to process emotion. So we just have to figure out who our kids are and help them figure out, you know, who they are. And we're learning this as as the process. We're learning about who we are and how we process emotion, and we're learning how to help our kids do the same. Yeah,

Casey O'Roarty 37:39
well, and I think too, one last thing is just trusting and surrendering to the fact that, just like you and I both had our life experiences that have rolled us into the exact place that we are today, and the learning that we're doing today and the awareness that we are coming home to Today, our kids are the same, like we can't necessarily help them to bypass right experiences that are going to grow them, but we sure can support them with tools along the way. So thank you so much. Thank you for what you bring to the world and and your work and for coming and being a part of the podcast. It's been so great.

Heather Chauvin 38:21
Yeah, I love this conversation. One last thing that came up for me, yeah, was I always tell people, you know, it's your job to work through your shit in this lifetime, and anything that you are unwilling to look at, you know, if you want to avoid, if you want to, like, be in denial about it, any contrast. So anything that in your life where you're like, oh my gosh, not this right? Could be money, it could be energy, it could be a relationship, partnership, whatever it is, if you're not willing to look at it, what you are doing is tying it up in a nice bow and handing it to your children, for them to deal with in their adult life. So if you're not willing to do the personal growth on yourself, you're giving it to your children. And if your children are like, Oh my gosh, I don't know what to do with this. I'm so overwhelmed by it, they're going to hand it down to their children and their children and their children. So you have a very big responsibility and opportunity to one, feel good in your life while you're parenting, because doing this work, yes, it's uncomfortable, but on the other side of that is freedom, and with freedom comes feeling damn good. So you have the opportunity to do that, and two, in the process, you are totally up leveling and breaking generational patterns in your parenting. So if you don't want your children to feel the way that you felt as a child, you've got to do the work so that you're not carrying it down to them.

Casey O'Roarty 39:49
Yes, well, put Absolutely So in the context of all that you just said of living a more connected, mindful life and doing our work, what does. Joyful courage mean to you. Heather,

Heather Chauvin 40:02
I'm like being yourself, simply put being yourself and having the courage to figure out who that is and what that feels like. Just keep going after the things that light you up, because that's joy, and yeah, you gotta it's going to be uncomfortable to do that beautiful,

Casey O'Roarty 40:24
remind listeners where they can find you and follow your work.

Heather Chauvin 40:28
Yeah, so you can listen to the podcast. It's everywhere, typically that podcasts are put out. So it's called, mom is in control. And you can find me online, on my website at Heather Chauvin, spelled C, H, A, u, v, I n.com and I've been hanging out on Instagram these days because I really like it. Yay. Awesome.

Casey O'Roarty 40:47
Well, I will listeners, you know, I will have all those links in the show notes, and this has just been fantastic. Heather, thank you so much for taking time to come on and chat with me. Thank

Heather Chauvin 40:56
you,

Casey O'Roarty 41:01
joyful courage community, you're amazing. Big. Thanks and love to my team, including my producer, Chris Mann at pod shaper. Be sure to join in the discussion over at the live in love with joyful courage group page, as well as the joyful courage business page on Facebook and Instagram. Subscribe to the show through Apple podcasts, or really, anywhere you find your favorite podcast, you can view the current joyful courage swag over at the web page, intention, cards, bracelets. E course offers the membership program one on one coaching. It's all waiting for you to take a look. Simply head to www dot joyful courage.com/yes. That's joyful courage.com/y. E, S to find more support for your conscious parenting journey. Any comments or feedback about this show or any others can be sent to Casey at joyful courage.com. I personally read and respond to all the emails that come my way. Reach out, take a breath, drop into your body, find the balcony seat and trust that everyone is going to be okay.

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