Eps 139: Solo Show About Authenticity, Choosing In and Being Awesome

Transcription

Casey O'Roarty 0:00
Music. Welcome to the joyful courage podcast, my friends, yes, a place to be inspired, informed and hopefully entertained on the parenting journey. I'm your host. Casey awardee, parent coach, positive discipline trainer, and even more importantly, mother to two children who teach me every single day about how to practice showing up in a way that is helpful, connected and humble, who also point out when I am not showing up that way, when we choose into joyful courage, we are choosing into rejoicing in the opportunities for self growth and discovery that exist on the parenting journey. Yes, I did say rejoicing in those opportunities, and it's work, but so worth it. The path we are searching for is in our practice. Super grateful you're here to practice with me. Thank you so much for being a part of the community. Enjoy the show. Hey listeners, it is a so low show this week. Yeah. Today's podcast was created in honor of the 159 parents who enrolled and engaged in the joyful courage 10 program. Today we complete the program. Today is the last day of the program, and we begin the practice of sustaining the magic and the community that was created there because of the people who showed up vulnerably, authentically and courageously. It was an absolutely incredible experience. And I've run groups like this before, and there was something really, really special in what came together over the last 10 days. I love what I get to do. So so so so much. Thank you to each one of you that spent the last 10 days building relationship with me and with each other. You all are amazing, amazing. All right, today's theme for the show is authenticity and transparency, right? And again, it was inspired by the last few days, the last 10 days or so. So, you know, we talk about parenting as being a journey, right? And it's not a secret. You know, when we start to learn new tools, it's funny when people come and do my live classes, and I always tell them, like, let your kids in on what you're doing, let them know that you are learning new things so that you can be better at what you do. It's not a secret. There's no hidden agenda here, it's not about manipulating our kids into getting them to do what we want. It's about being in human relationship, right? And in this context, we talk a lot about adult child relationship, but really bigger than that, it's about being in relationship with another human being. And I know on the show, we talk a lot about how humans learn, right? How do humans learn? They learn by example. They learn through our modeling. They learn by seeing the life skills that we want them to embody, actually being embodied by the healthy adults in their life. Life Skills are learned through modeling, modeling, vulnerability, willingness to be vulnerable, authenticity, that is also learned by example and through modeling, by being vulnerable and being authentic in our relationships, right? That is how our children learn and are invited to find their own vulnerability and to be authentic, right? And then we can kick all of this up a notch by lifting up and out of the modeling and being transparent about what it is that we're doing, why we're doing it. Human relationships are super messy, right? Parenting is messy. Lifeing is messy. This came up a lot in the joyful courage 10 it comes up a lot in my membership program. It comes up a lot in the live classes that I do. It's messy. It's not cookie cutter. It's not just say this one thing, this one way, and everybody will do what you want. That is not something that exists. That's not a real offer. So if you're. No, what do they call it? Snake oil medicine? This isn't snake oil medicine. This is really doing the work of being in relationship and recognizing that it's messy, and sometimes, you know, we feel like we're doing the right thing, we're saying the right thing, and we're still not getting to the results that we want. So when we actively and intentionally decide to shift the way we parent, we set ourselves up to be exposed as flawed human beings, right? We are we're flawed, and that's you know. Again. Hello, vulnerability. Hello, humility, hello. You know, having the experience that's contrary to the adults always being right,

right, we are choosing positive, connected, conscious parenting. That's what this community is all about. That's what we are choosing. And choosing that, in a lot of ways, goes against the grain of how many of us were raised, right, and some of the messaging that we get from the people in our life, right? And the approach is really pretty simple. I mean, choose relationship and trust that your children learn life skills through experiences, right? What's the big deal? Why is it so hard? It's not It's simple, it's not easy, but it is simple, right? And we decide, like, okay, yes, I'm committed to this. I'm gonna do this. Relationship matters, unconditional love, trusting. And then we're in life. We're lifeing, and it's a shit show, right? And we go into defeat. This doesn't work for me. I can't do this, the self talk. I'm not good enough for this kind of parenting comparison. Itis shows up. We're comparing ourselves to our neighbors, to our friends, to people online. They're so good at this, I'm so bad at this. And ultimately, a lot of the time, what this can manifest into is just simply giving up like it's not for me, I just gotta yell, or it's not for me. I just have to, you know, bribe and punish. It's hard, so be transparent about that. It's challenging. Be transparent in your flawed humanness, right? Let your kids know when you've made a mistake, own it. All that modeling, it's an opportunity to lift up and out of your experience and help your kids to see you connecting the dots, or your partner or your parent or your sibling or your friend or whoever it is, where you're saying, oh my gosh, I'm really working on this, and I'm finding it really challenging. And here's a mistake that I made, and here's how I owned it, or I know I made a mistake with you, person in front of me, and I want to own that. And here's, you know, here's what I want to do differently, or what would be helpful to you, right. Share your journey, right? Sharing your journey with your kids, with your partner, with your family, with the neighbors, sharing your why, sharing your vision, asking for help when you need it, letting people know how you'd like feedback. So one of the themes that showed up a lot in the joyful courage 10 program was gaps in our relationships with our partners, and really feelings of deep disconnect and not really knowing how to talk to each other and how to be in communication without both sides getting defensive taking things personally. You know, I think something that is has been so helpful and so profound in my own intimate relationship with my husband, has been to dedicate a time each week. And we're not perfect. The goal is always each week. It doesn't always happen each week, but to set aside a time each week for us to come together and talk about the hard things, like finances or goal setting, or, you know, parenting, we both know, for me it's helpful because I know I'm going to get to talk about it because I'm ready to talk about that stuff, like whenever it shows up in my head, my timing is terrible, because my timing is whenever, Right? And my husband, those are not his favorite conversations. And then add on to that, I spring it on him, like right when we get into bed or first thing in the morning, or, you know, because the sun is out. So knowing that we have that time each week is really useful to me, because I know I'm gonna get to have these conversations. So. And it's useful for my husband, because he can, you know he can. He knows that, okay, this is, this is a period of time where I get to show up for these conversations. So also, inside of that, it's a great place for us to be transparent in our vulnerability. So if, if you are finding yourself in a relationship, whether it's with your child or your partner, and you know that there's there's a gap, and there's disconnect, showing up to that relationship transparently and saying, I'm feeling this disconnection, and even inside of the disconnection, I'm feeling really vulnerable, even talking about it with you, and I'm worried I'm feeling exposed, right, sharing and being transparent even about how it feels to show up in the conversation. And then, you know, when we get into the conversation, asking our partners, asking our kids, what would be helpful to you, when I have feedback, when I have something I want to share with you, when I have something to offer, how would you like me to deliver it? And And the beautiful thing here is, then you're going to get to follow up and say, This is what's helpful to me, right? And we start to, we start to create that bridge, and bridge that gap, and strengthen the connection, even simply in the way that we show up, right? If you know with your whole heart that this makes sense to you and and that you believe in the style of parenting and the style of being in relationship, then also believe with your whole heart that you are capable, worthy and enough to pull these conversations off, to pull this parenting gig off, right? And don't read perfect here, don't hear perfect because peaceful parenting, positive parenting, positive discipline, all of that lives inside of the messiness of life, right? Progress, not perfection, progress not perfection. Progress not perfection. Perfection is unattainable, right? And I just want to share one of my favorite quotes. Thank you, Jesse. Thank you, Jesse, for setting me straight on this on the how to say this quote, because I had it totally butchered the other day in a Facebook live so Jillian Michaels something that she says at the end of a workout that I have on on DVD of hers, she says, transformation is not a future event. It is a present activity, and when we put that in the context of transforming our parenting, it's not something that will happen one day, it's something that gets to happen every time you choose into doing this work, every time you choose in to this practice, transformation is happening. And do you know what I mean by choosing in? Because it was actually so I'm writing a book, and I say this choose in a lot. I use that phrase a lot. I'm sure you've probably heard me say it. And my writing coach, who's helping me, you know, see the whole thing through a book publisher and a reader's point of view, he says, you know, Casey, I know that you get what you mean when you say choose in but I just I don't get it, and I don't think other people are going to get it, so I wanted to make sure you get it. So this is what it means when you choose in it's when you choose to hug your child, when you're feeling angry, and you choose to hug your child and you allow yourself to melt into it, when you breathe out powerful emotions, when you connect, when you get curious, when you drop your shoulders and you open Your heart, when you're mindful, when you step away, when you try something new, when you interrupt a well worn pattern, when you acknowledge your self talk and replace it with An affirmation, when you drop the urgency, when you drop the rigidity, when you listen to your body,

when you look for perspective, when you remember the iceberg, when you let go of what. Society, your parents, your neighbors, your in laws. Think you should do when you let your heart lead, when you honor your deep wisdom. All of this is choosing in. So do it? Do it? Choose in. Choose in. Because transformation is a present activity, people, it's a present activity. Be unapologetic. And when it's hard, just own that this morning is fucking hard, this afternoon is fucking hard. Maybe don't scream that out loud, but acknowledge that, yeah, it is hard some days and exhausting and thankless, right? It is, and it's hard for all of us, all of us, you know, all the guests that I've had on this show, I think about 99% of them say, Yeah, it's hard, and yeah, I screw up, I make mistakes, I fall apart. And we get to continue to choose in. You get to continue to choose in. You get to you are being called to this work. Otherwise, what are you doing here? Why would you be doing it? Why would you be reading the books and the articles and listening to this podcast? If it's not calling you? I see you. Yeah, I am talking to you. I see you. I know you are listening. I know you are trying. I know that your heart swells with love when you look at your sleeping child and that your men mind spins when that same child is awake and impossible for you to deal with, I see you because I am you. Right. We are the same. This is a collective experience. And you can do this. I can do this. You are doing this, and I see you. I see you. You know, if you want to go to the next level, I mean really next level with support and community right there with you, I really want you to think about enrolling in the joyful courage Academy. You've heard me talk about the membership. I've spoken a little bit about the little 10 day challenge. I just finished this. This is a freestanding program so and it's online. It's five weeks of deep diving, exploring, practicing, stretching into and out of our comfort zone and growing members of the Academy will enjoy weekly webinars where we will all be live together on the screen, interacting in real time around the week's lessons. There's also going to be weekly Q and A sessions with me again, live together through zoom so everybody's together, then you also will enjoy a safe and supportive and engaged Facebook group for accountability and sharing and celebration. If you choose to be a VIP member, there's limited VIP member participant slots, but if you choose that, you'll also receive two one on one coaching calls with me during the course of the program. So the learning outcomes of this program are for participants. Participants will gain a deeper understanding of behavior and create a vision for their parenting. Participants will identify where gaps exist, and learn tools for strengthening relationships and expectations. Participants will learn language that empowers, inspires and motivates their family. Participants will grow their leadership through proactive and in the moment practices. And finally, participants will uncover the deep wisdom that already exists inside of them and use it to show up and design their life. I mean, come on, come on. I want you to join me. Sign up now. Registration is open at www. Dot joyful courage.com. Backslash Academy, www, dot joyful courage.com. Backslash, A, C, A, D, E, M, y, so excited to get started. The program starts April 30 again. It's five weeks, and you deserve to be there. So come and join me in that I love each and every one of you so much. I'm so grateful that you show up each week and that you listen. I love getting feedback, so let me know what your takeaways are from this week's solo show, and I will be back again. I'll be back again next week with a new guest interview. Until then. Mwah, Have a beautiful day. You. Joy, joyful courage community, you're amazing. Big. Thanks and love to my team, including my producer, Chris Mann at pod shaper. Be sure to join in the discussion over at the live in love with joyful courage group page, as well as the joyful courage business page on Facebook and Instagram. Subscribe to the show through Apple podcasts or really, anywhere you find your favorite podcast, you can view the current joyful courage swag over at the webpage, intention cards, bracelets. Ecourse offers the membership program, one on one, coaching. It's all waiting for you to take a look. Simply head to www dot joyful courage.com/yes. That's joyful courage.com/y. E, S, to find more support for your conscious parenting journey. Any comments or feedback about this show or any others can be sent to Casey at joyful courage.com. I personally read and respond to all the emails that come my way. Reach out, take a breath, drop into your body, find the balcony seat and trust that everyone is going to be okay.