Transcription
Casey O'Roarty 0:00
Music. Hey everybody. Welcome to the joyful courage podcast, a place for information and inspiration on the conscious parenting journey. I am Casey o'rourdy, positive discipline trainer, parent coach, and honored to be your guide in the work of showing up as your best for yourself and your family. If you feel as though parenting is one long personal growth and development workshop, you have come to the right place. The conversations you will hear on this podcast are all intended to offer you tools for moving forward, for expanding your lens, for shifting your narrative to one of possibility, connection and empowerment. You can be the parent you want to be. We are influencing the world with how we raise our children. When we bring deep, listening, acceptance and courage to our relationships, we are doing our part to evoke it in the world. I am thrilled to partner with you on this path. I hope you enjoy the show.
Hey, friends, how's it going? Welcome to this week's podcast. It's a solo show, all me, all me, my friends, I would like to start out this solo episode, episode with gratitude, huge gratitude to all of you, every person that listens, gratitude for those of you that are active and involved in the live in love with joyful courage Facebook group. Love you people, and especially huge, huge gratitude to those of you that are a part of the living joyful courage membership program and my one on one clients, because I am just so amazed. I don't know why I continue to be amazed, but I love the way when something's a theme, it shows up in all the places. It shows up with my one on one clients, it shows up in the bigger community of the Facebook group, it shows up in the membership and it shows up in my own personal experience. We are on a collective experience, and while I get to hold space for all of you, I also get to grow and develop my own filter for seeing and experiencing the world, and it's so powerful. I am always in the learning and in the growing and in the developing, right? And we all are. We're all in the learning, growing and developing. There is no final destination for that humaning, right? We're humaning Over here and over there, and you and me and that person and this person, we are all on the journey. Some of us realize we're on a journey and are conscious of it and making steps towards moving in a certain direction, and some of us are not. So you know, if you listen to this podcast, I'm guessing you realize that you are on a journey, and it is really simple to grow and develop on the journey. It's not always easy. So today on the podcast, I'm going to talk a little bit about creating what we want in our life. Okay? And I'm going to start off kind of an expansive place and bring it into specifics around parenting, and one of the things that I think is the toughest piece in any situation, whether we're making declarations about how we show up for our kids, or decisions about self care or how we're gonna make our meals like all the time. We know what we want, and then we get really frustrated that it doesn't happen, simply because we actually aren't taking any action to get there. So that first step of and it shows up in parenting when, you know, people say, oh, I want to be, I want to be a conscious parent, or I want to be a peaceful parent. And what you know, defining what that means for you is super important. Like, what does that look like? What does that mean? What is it specifically that you want more of in your life? So, yes, getting really clear about what we want is absolutely an action step. Also, you know, we are all reading all the time, articles, blog posts, books. We're learning tools and strategies, right? And or we even watching videos, Ted Talks, inspiration. Operational podcast that you might be listening to. So we take in information, right? We find what we want, and we take in a lot of information, but so much of the time we remain sitting on the outside of that of the results that we want. Does that make sense? We sit on the outside, and by sitting on the outside. So okay, let me just take a few steps back. So this morning, I did some meditation and journaling, and I was really reflecting on there's a couple different things where I feel like I know what I want and it's just not happening, and I'm in that loop of frustration, both in my personal health and well being, as well as with some business stuff. And it's, it's like that low energy kind of feeling like, uh, well, I know what I want, but yeah, I'm not really feeling motivated in this moment, right? And so things show up that keep us from taking the action on on what we want, and things like, for me, it's procrastination. I am really good at procrastination. I'm really good at finding all sorts of other things to do. And it's things that get in the way of, you know, doing the dishes, or it's things that get in the way of recording this podcast. I can't even tell you how many times I've told my editor or my publisher producer, okay, I'm gonna get you the podcast by Wednesday. And I just am like, oh yeah. Hasn't happened today. I'm recording this show, and it's Thursday. It's Thursday. And you know, so many of us, right? So many of us know what we need to do. Know what we even what we want to do, and we're just gonna check Facebook really quick, or we're just gonna check in on that Instagram post that we posted earlier, just see if there's any action. And then the next thing we know, all of this time has gone by, we're feeling ever less motivated. La, la, la, la, la, right? The self talk that also shows up, I think, can get in our way and keep us on the outside of what it is that we want the most. And, you know, self talk, I think, can show up like you don't really want to do that, or you could do it later, or, you know, you probably won't be able to do that, or that's not for you, or give it up. You know, there's all this really lovely self talk that can show up in our minds, and the sneaky messages of some of our self talk is around fear and unworthiness and perfectionism, like, if I can't do it perfect, then I'm not going to do it at all. Or but what if I do do that, and I accomplish that goal, and then I'm feeling really exposed, and I have more to lose. There's all sorts of shit that gets in our way, right? And I love, I love the movie. This is totally gonna feel like, whoa, out of left park, but, or out of left field, but I love the movie, Finding Nemo, right? I think about Nemo and this little fish, and he's working so hard, and he has this goal of saving his dad, and his little body is swimming all the time, and he's dealing with sharks. He's dealing with the monkey mind of Dory, which I'm sure there's a metaphor there. He is persevering despite the fear that shows up with for him along the way, right? And he's working really, really hard, and he is making progress, but he's working really hard, and there's a lot of things to distract him. And then along comes the turtle. I can't remember the name of the turtle, but the turtle shows up, and Nemo tells a story to the turtle, and the turtle says, Hey, man, come into the current. Come on over here. Jump into the flow. We'll get you to Sydney. We'll get you to where you're going, right? And so when Nemo says yes, and gets into the current, he finds that it's less effort. There's less resistance there. There's more results, there's more joy, bigger possibilities. He's actually gonna make it to Sydney. And if you watch the movie, you notice that Nemo isn't just like flopping around in the current. He's still swimming, but because he's chosen into the current and into the flow, you know, everything seems to kind of open up and make it easy for him. I love that. I love the idea that the current is always available, right, that there is kind of this, you know, a divine plan, that the universe has our back, and it's just a matter of having the thoughts and the action come into alignment so that we can achieve what we want. And I don't know how many of you have seen the secret. It's a video slash book that is all about the law of attraction. And when we when I first heard about the law of attraction, what, what I understood about it is, you know, write your. A check for a million dollars, and all of a sudden, money will come your way or pull into the grocery store, and imagine that you get Rockstar parking, and sure enough, you will get Rockstar parking.
When and when we when I looked on Wikipedia and looked for a definition of law of attraction. It said the law of attraction is the belief that by focusing on positive or negative thoughts, people can bring positive or negative experiences into their life. The belief is based on the idea that people and their thoughts are both made from pure energy, and that through the process of like energy attracting like energy, a person can improve their own health, wealth and personal relationship. Yeah, that's awesome. I'm totally bought into that. And what I missed when I first started learning about law of attraction is that it's also about actively taking steps that move you in that direction. It's about practicing your yes into the flow over and over and over again. Nemo had to say, yes and enter the flow to be a part of the flow. Nemo had to say, Okay. Turtle guy, Stoner. Turtle guy, I will jump in there with you. You and
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Casey O'Roarty 11:27
what enabled him to be a part of the flow, right? So what does this have to do with parenting? Why am I talking about this? Well, you know, there are times if we're if we're being honest, right? There are times where you can probably see, yeah, when everybody's like, going along with the program and the whole parenting jam feels almost easy, right? Everybody's connected, everybody's feeling good. When you think about those times. And perhaps, perhaps for some of you that are listening, maybe you're in one of those times right now. Yay for you. What makes it easy to be easygoing, and I'm not talking about like, and there's no challenges like, this is flow. This is easy going, even when you know the stuff shows up. Because if, if we think about it, you know, we can kind of identify times when our kids are having a hard time and we manage to handle it in a way that's helpful and not hurtful, versus other times when our kids might be having the same level of fall apart and for whatever reason, we snap and we can't handle it. So what do you notice? What are the qualities that are alive? What are the things that are put in place when the whole family thing feels more even easygoing? What do you notice about what is currently set up in your home that that that supports that like, what are the foundational pieces? What are the under the surface, parts that come into play to keep flow alive in your family? Now, some things that come to mind for me is when we have well established routines, right, when we're using a common language. Do you know what I mean by that common language? And I was just talking about this last night with my friends at Sky Valley Co Op preschool. Shout out, Sky Valley Co Op. We were talking about brain development, and we revisiting brain in the palm of the hand. We were talking about Tina Bryson's zones, so green zone, red zone, Blue Zone. And the conversation was around how we bring that language and use that language in our home, right? And how powerful it can be when we say something like, wow. I'm wondering, are you still feeling, you know, like you're in the green zone, and our kids know exactly what we're talking about by that, and our partners know exactly what we're talking about when we say green zone, right? So creating common languages, that's a foundational piece for me, that keeps our family in the flow when everybody's needs are met, right? When snacks get out when people feel connected, when people are feeling that sense of belonging and significance in the home, which also includes like I noticed that we can definitely stay in the flow more often when we are doing regular family meetings, right? Regular family meetings tends to be glue, the glue that holds it all together. And when things start to feel angsty, I can look around and you better believe that I noticed like, oh well, we haven't had a family meeting in three weeks time to get back into that practice. And the other question is like, how have you defined where you want. Just the flow to take you like again, as I said before, when we say, oh, I want to be a positive parent. I want to I want to be a gentle parent. I want to be whatever fill in the blank, right? Have you defined what that means? And you know, unless you're setting specific goals, it's more of a way of being than a destination. So I want to be a peaceful parent. Well, what does that mean to you? Right? And so lately, I've been working with clients, and some of the ways of being that have shown up is playful, light, curious, calm, present, connected to self, self, accepting, accepting of others, non judgmental, available. And you know, this whole idea of way of being and being in the flow, it's an active process, like to get what we want, whether it's, you know, a cohesive home environment, or, you know, I want to make $5,000 next month to get where we want. We must be in action. We must choose in to action. And that flow state, that law of attraction kind of state, when things feel easy, right, when you're in the current it shows up, because the more we choose in, the easier it becomes to choose in, right? And you all have heard me talk about choosing in a lot. I say that a lot, and it's funny, you know, you all know well, if you don't, surprise, I'm writing a book, and in the process of writing this book, I use the language that I use. And my coach, my writing coach, will often say to me, you know, I think this is a this is where you're using Casey language and and I I'm just outing myself that sometimes I know I use language. And you might be listening to me and thinking, what, what does that mean? What does Casey mean? And I just want to give full permission if I ever talk about something on the podcast or use language that you're just unclear of. Please. You know, send me a message, either email or through Facebook or Instagram and say, What do you mean by that when you say that? So choosing in, when I say choosing in which, again, I say a lot. It really is about being a yes, right, about seizing the opportunities to practice the tools, about taking action, joyful courage is rejoicing in the opportunities of choosing, in that exist on the parenting journey, right and by opportunities, you know, sometimes our opportunities show up in disguise, and they show up in disguise of, say, a three year old throwing themselves on the floor and having a huge meltdown. Right? Opportunities can show up as a teenager who has mastered the
cold shoulder, and it's painful, not that I'm speaking from experience, but I am right. The opportunities are anytime our automatic pilot shows up, and our automatic pilot, or I like to also call it, that emotional freight train, anytime that that emotional freight train pulls into the station, that is an opportunity to practice something different. That's an opportunity to create, to choose, into the action of being in the current, in the flow. If you want things to be different, then you need to be different, right? If you want things in your life, in your family, in your relationships, to be different, then you need to quit waiting for other people to change it, or circumstance, or, you know, a diagnosis, or they'll get a little older, or, you know, fill in the blank. If you want things to be different, then you need to be different. You need to interrupt your patterns, right? You need to interrupt your patterns. You need to put the brakes on the emotional freight train. And the first thing to interrupt your patterns, it would be to discover what they are, to start noticing that you respond a certain way in certain situations, and it happens every single time, right? It happens every single time. So it's this whole idea around paying attention, and mindfulness becomes super important. And a really simple example would be for those of us that recognize that we escape into our phone too much. And I'm saying like everybody, raise your hand if you know you're on your phone too much now, keep your hand up if you have a child or multiple children that say, Mommy, put down daddy. Put down your phone. There is no shame here, because I know that a lot of you, myself included, have your hand up all right. Right? So let's, let's put the phone down, all right. And easier said than done, because it's a habit. It's a habit. So start to pay attention to when. When do you have your phone in your hand? And I'm the queen of well, I work online, and it's important for me to know what's going on. Guess what? It's also really okay to set boundaries, and for clients and followers to know that I will get back to them. But it doesn't need to be immediate, right? So little shout out to creating boundaries. So paying attention to when do you use it? What do you notice about right before you pick it up? So one of the things where I get in my stuff is, if I'm working on a project, even just like writing this outline today, I decided, Okay, I'm gonna write my outline and then I'm gonna record the podcast. And I noticed there's a few different times during the course of the outline where I kind of lost my steam, and I immediately put my hand over on my phone, like, Okay, I'm kind of bored of this now, so I'll check and do my little round through Facebook, Instagram, email, and see if anything has happened. Guess what? Nothing had happened. So that was a waste of time. And so I started, and it was funny, because I'm writing about this and I'm actually engaging in this automatic pilot, right? So I noticed that when I'm working on something that starts to feel like a lot of work, especially writing, I am often leaning back and looking for a distraction, okay? Also, I notice when I'm in a If anytime I have to wait. So if I'm in the line at school to pick up my kids, if I am at the doctor's office, am I, if I'm down at Papa Murphy's, waiting for them to finish my pizza, like I'll whip out my phone. So paying attention to when you use it. What do you notice right before you're using it? Where do you use it? So we're getting more information about our own patterns. And then the question is, what routines can you play with that will interrupt your pattern? And what I mean by that is deciding to do something different, right? Deciding to interrupt the automatic pilot that is me reaching for my phone as a distraction tool. So one thing that I've implemented is first thing in the morning when I come downstairs to be with the kids before school, I leave my phone upstairs. When I get out of the car to go into, you know, any of the places that I mentioned before, I'll leave my phone in my car, right? So those are that's one way to kind of interrupt patterns. To be different. If you want things to be different, then you need to be different. The other another example that I have is from my own experience, and I'm sharing my own experience while also acknowledging that I know you're having similar experiences. So that's where I think there's value is in being really transparent about what's happening at my house, so that everyone can be like, oh, yeah, I know that it happens to me too. So another example would be this, this loop that I'm finding myself in with my teenager, which is, I get mad at her because I take her experience that she's having, which is showing up as really angsty. Personally, when do I do it? Where do I do it? What do I notice right before? So this is a lot of the time. This happens at the dinner table after she's been super like, non engaged, and it's not a neutral vibe, even though she claims like I'm just being unemotional. The way that I experience it is hurtful, the way that I experience it is energy being pushed out into the family, like I'm feeling bad, and so I'm gonna take you all down with me, and then I take it personally, and then the spin out in my head becomes, you can't define the vibe of the family, and how dare you and, you know, fill in the blank, and then I get, you know, then I'm feeling her angst, and I snap at her, and then it's just a spiral into really poor relationship, right? Usually ending with me owning that I was a complete bitch to her, and then we get over it. So what routines can you play with that'll interrupt your pattern? So deciding to practice something different, right? So for me, that means doing the internal work of allowing her to be responsible for her feelings, and allowing myself to be responsible for mine. Right? Because I definitely get into blame, like you're making me feel like this, and that's why I'm treating you this way, right for me, creating a one liner that supports me and knowing and sharing where I'm at. So it could sound like, wow, I'm feeling your energy right now. I'm gonna go take care of myself so that I don't take it personally,
right? And then I get to model that for her, because her energy came from somewhere as well. Whether it was, you know, something that she was directly involved in or indirectly involved in she is also allowing somebody else's energy to dictate how she shows up. So I get to model that how I am experiencing your energy right now, and I'm gonna go take care of myself so that it doesn't become my energy right and then, and then actually doing that, whatever it looks like, and then also offering her seeing the opportunity there, to offer her tools to develop for taking care of her self, again, that that shows up naturally through modeling. But wow, what a powerful life skill, right? And not one that she's going to master just because I have this really powerful conversation with her, right? But instead, because I'm modeling what it looks like and then through that experience, using that experience as an opportunity to teach, not in the moment, but later on, when we're all back to connection and flow. So you know, you're where I'm getting here. So so really thinking about looking at patterns and automatic pilot and deciding to be different, it all starts out with deciding to be different. Now there are some things that can get in our way right, and that first thing that I'm going to talk about is the voices in our head, right? Do you ever realize like, Oh, I'm talking to myself in my head like it's a conversation, and I think that really it's a conversation between what you want most and what your ego wants. Our True Self has our back. What we want most, that voice of of of what we want most, that's our true self. Our True Self has our back. Our true self knows that we've made declarations and that we're capable of fulfilling those declarations, and we're capable and worthy of those results, right? Our ego thinks it has our back, but really it's about going to what's easy, what's safe, what's familiar. Whoa, whoa, whoa, you're interrupting a pattern. We know that pattern, that pattern is familiar. Hold on, right? So this work is simple, but it might not be easy. The quicker we decide to act on an idea, the more likely it is that we'll follow through. So some and a really great example of this, and this is stuff that I learned just this morning from a couple TED talks that I watched by Melanie Robbins, oh my gosh, I'm totally gonna stalk her until she's a guest on my show, she talks about the five second rule. And really it's that space and time that we have for moving into action from a thought to an action like, I gotta get up. You have about five seconds to get up, right? And if you don't get up, then you're hitting snooze, right? Or I need to make myself a smoothie. Like, you have five seconds to be in action of that before you get distracted and decide, Yeah, I'm good, right? A five second rule, and Melanie talks about counting like literally counting down, 54321, action, right? And the cool thing, what I really loved about what she was talking about, is there's something that is triggered in the prefrontal cortex. What? As soon as we say five, we've engaged, we've interrupted the pattern, because we've simply become aware that this is a place where I can interrupt, right? And so some examples of of things that we might want to interrupt old patterns around. So again, like getting up the snooze button, getting up, you know, a lot of you we, a lot of us, talk about morning routines and getting up before the kids. And I know that I have been go. I'm super excited about this, you guys, because I have definitely been guilty lately of hitting the snooze button and just waiting till the last possible minute before I need to get up and be available to my kids. And I know that my day plays out completely different when I wake up earlier and I get my journaling in and I get my meditation in, and sometimes there's some yoga or movement that gives me a whole different day, right? So I'm really excited to use this five second rule and start to play with this to get back into my groove and my routine of my like sacred time in the morning. So another place is, is exercise? How? Often throughout the day are we saying things like, oh, I need to go to the gym. Oh yeah, I should go to the gym. Oh yeah, I want to do some yoga. And then it's, you know, and then off we go into doing something else, the way that we're eating, the choices that we're making around food. I really want to make something. I want to have something healthy. Followed by, I don't really want to take the time to make something, followed by, I'll just have a bowl of chips, or maybe that's just me. You know, another place was again, finishing this outline, deciding to to finish and to get these files done today, right? I got to use that five second rule to put my phone down and stay off social media to get it done so love, love, love, it. My challenge for you today is to be clear, or get clear on the direction you want to be going and why do you want to go. There you listen to this podcast. I have these amazing guests on. I have these super inspirational solo shows, what are you taking away and integrating into your life? Right? Be clear on what you want to do and do it. Notice the patterns that are getting in your way. What is keeping you from the action, and interrupt the patterns by doing something different. And finally, repeat all day long, every day, there are endless opportunities for interrupting our automatic pilot and living the life that we want by design. So I challenge you to to take some steps in going there, take some steps in going there and let me know. Let me know how it goes. And finally, listen, we all thrive in community, right? We all thrive in community. We thrive when we are being supported and joined by a bunch of other people who are diving into the same work, the same practices that we're engaging in. So I want you to do yourself a favor and join the joyful courage 10 program. Okay, joyful courage 10. This is exactly what you need to step into your own flow of parenting. This is the Jumpstart for manifesting that family vibe, that home climate that you want most. We are on a collective journey, and the joyful courage 10 is the party bus you didn't know that you want it on disco ball and all right, we're all going down this parenting path together, right? And it's not gonna look the same. I'm not saying like, come do it like me. I'm saying Come and join in community that is also on a mission to create a more conscious, intentional practice of parenting. Right? Sign up right now. It's free, like, it's a 10 day program, you guys, and it's free. We start April 1. You can find out more at joyful courage.com/jc 10. Joyful courage.com/jc, 10. I'm going to be jumping into the live and love group. You may have already seen me there, doing Facebook Lives for the rest of the week, because April 1 is, like, really soon, and I really want you to check it out, plus it's a really safe and easy way to play inside of one of my programs, and to really get an even deeper look about the ways that I support parents, I want you to come. Come. You deserve it. You're worthy of this. You have the time. You do? You have the time. And the beautiful thing is, when you say yes to something like this, you get to also drop into your personal responsibility around how to make it work for you. Do? You know what I mean, like you get to notice, I keep saying, you get to you get to decide, what can I take away from this that's valuable to me, and that just makes me so excited, so excited. I so want you to be there. So again, check it out. Www, dot joyful courage.com/jc. 10. I can't wait to see you there, to get to know you on a deeper level and to play in this work. Because, you know, I am a participant as much as I am a guide, and I am honored, honored, honored to hold space for each and every one of you. Yeah, joyful, Courage community, you're amazing. Big. Thanks and love to my team, including my producer, Chris Mann at pod shaper. Be sure to join in the discussion over at the live in love with joyful courage group page, as well as the joyful courage business page on Facebook and Instagram. Subscribe to the show through Apple podcasts or really, anywhere you find your favorite pod. S, you can view the current joyful courage swag over at the web page, intention cards, bracelets. E course offers the membership program, one on one coaching. It's all waiting for you to take a look. Simply head to www dot joyful courage.com/yes. That's joyful courage.com/y. E, S, to find more support for your conscious parenting journey. Any comments or feedback about this show or any others can be sent to casey@joyfulcourge.com
I personally read and respond to all the emails that come my way. Reach out, take a breath, drop into your body, find the balcony seat and trust that everyone is going to be okay.
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