Transcription
Casey O'Roarty 0:08
Hey everybody, welcome to the joyful courage podcast, a place for information and inspiration on the conscious parenting journey. I am Casey overdy, positive discipline trainer, parent coach and honored to be your guide in the work of showing up as your best for yourself and your family. If you feel as though parenting is one long personal growth and development workshop, you have come to the right place. The conversations you will hear on this podcast are all intended to offer you tools for moving forward, for expanding your lens, for shifting your narrative to one of possibility, connection and empowerment. You can be the parent you want to be. We are influencing the world with how we raise our children. When we bring deep, listening, acceptance and courage to our relationships, we are doing our part to evoke it in the world. I am thrilled to partner with you on this path. I hope you enjoy the show.
All right, podcast listeners. Happy, happy New Year. I am actually recording this on New Year's Eve morning, so just on the cusp of ringing in 2018 and I know you're going to be listening on the second Yay. I love New Year's, even though I feel like September is a new year because of the start of the school year, it feels like fresh and new. And then we get this bonus, actual calendar New Year. And what I love about it is that it feels like everything is possible. The coming year is a blank slate, right? No mistakes, no regrets, nothing. It's all just, it's like fresh powder, right? When you go skiing or snowboarding and you get there and you get first tracks, and you get to decide where you go. I love it. I love the fresh opportunity. I love that it is an and for me, it's like I get to embody excitement and anticipation just in the thought of the coming year and how it's just splayed out in front of me. It's so exciting. Sorry about the voice. I don't know what's happening here. I went to a comedy club on Friday night, which was really fun with some of my friends from high school to see a friend of ours who's actually a stand up comic, who was up from LA and I think all the laughing and the woohooing just kind of knocked my voice out. So apologies there. Really excited for this first show of 2018 and really excited about the work that I'm doing with all of you, with my private clients, really excited about continuing to celebrate the work of parenting, which we all know is actually The work of being a human and being in relationship with ourself and with others, and recognizing our own conditioning and breaking through it to get to what our soul truly desires. You know what that means? Right? You know, I'm talking about there that conditioning, meaning those kind of surface beliefs that we have created over time. It's like, oh my gosh. The metaphor that just came to mind is going to the dentist and having the dental hygienist kind of scraping away at our the plaque buildup right to get to our beautiful teeth that exist underneath the plaque. So our conditioning is kind of like how it's the plaque buildup. It's what is built up over time, and we start to see it as truth, and it starts to influence the way that we are in relationship and navigating the world. And sometimes it's fine, it's no big deal. Doesn't make any big you know, it's not, it's nothing that we need to be worried about. And sometimes it is. Sometimes it really keeps us a from being the full expression of who we are, or B, really seeing others as the full expression of who they are. It can get in our way. It can skew our expectations and and can cause some, you know, some really challenging times in our life, so we're breaking through that. That's what this work is all about, breaking through and really recognizing what our true truth is and what our soul's desire is. And I am just, I am not. I am not only on the path with you, but really on. Honored to support you on that path. And what I'm going to talk about today. Sorry, I'm going to clear my throat a lot today, because you can hear why today's topic is really I'm going to start out talking about what it means to kind of hold the container, especially this time of year where we're a lot of us set new year's resolutions or goals, and we have this, you know, again, like I said, it's this blank slate of what is possible, right? And my experience with big goals and daily intentions and practices, you know, it's kind of a mixed bag, right? I've set some really amazing goals and met the goals. I've set goals and fallen off the wagon and I and every time I learn from it and and I was recently in a conversation with a mentor of mine, talking about coaching and growing as a coach, and one of the areas that we were discussing is helping clients in the overarching goal setting. So when you sign up to be a client, when you're ready to really up level and do one on one coaching, I send you a form, and part of the form is deciding what it is that you want to have accomplished by the end of our time together. And you know, sometimes those things can range so sorry about the voice from potty training. You know, I want my toddlers to be potty trained. I want an easier bedtime. I want a deeper relationship with my teenager, less yelling, more loving. I want to feel more connected. I want to feel more confident. So some of those results are easy to measure, and some aren't. And you know, it's a pendulum swing, right? It's a pendulum swing, and it takes really small baby steps to get to that bigger goal. And so when I think about holding the container for these big results, these big goals, I think of like a cylinder, right? So the cylinder is the overarching these, the results that I want from coaching, right? And then moving through the relationship, through the timeline of coaching, there are all these daily practices that clients commit to, and it's, it's a lot of things, some of it is daily personal practices like, you know, meditation or exercise, or small little things that we do on a daily basis that are stepping stones towards being who we need To be to hold the container for these bigger goals. Some of them are small action steps.
Right Action Steps to be engaged in with our kids. That are those stepping stones towards that bigger goal. And all of these action steps and these practices are what is filling up the container, right? Filling up the container and remembering that the container is eyes on the prize. What do we ultimately want? Right? And there's so many small steps that can be included there, and we all exist with the pendulum swing like our humanness shows up, right? So some days it's really easy, some days it feels more challenging, some days we nail it, some days we don't. It's all a part of the process, and it's so important to set those goals right. It's so important to know where you're going, right? Cruise control is, you know, helpful, right? Can be helpful, but ultimately, if you're not in the practice of being intentional, if you're not in the practice of knowing when you need to slow down, when you need to speed up, right, then you're missing. You're not how do I put this? It's like you're you're not recognizing all the areas of growth that exist for you. And being intentional does require you to face some hard truths. Sometimes, you know, getting off the cruise control, right, getting out of the conditioning, questioning the conditioning, sometimes bumps you up against thoughts and beliefs and emotions that maybe you've become really skilled at avoiding, right? You've become really skilled at avoiding those things so, you know, so it's really easy. You don't have to bump up against how you're really feeling inside of your body. If you don't set a goal of, I'm going to exercise, you know, four times a week for the next eight weeks, right? If you don't ever set that goal, then you're never going to be confronted by how your body feels when you exert that extra amount of energy. So you kind. Of stay safe in this place, right? If you don't set a goal of, you know, I want to be what would be one thing for a parent like I, you know, there's the classic, I don't want to be angry. I don't want to yell anymore. And after, you know, three months, I want to feel more connected to my kids. So that's one that's a little tricky to measure. However. It's a feeling, it's a way of being in our body, right? And if we don't set that goal right, if we just continue on cruise control, then we aren't actually confronting what it is that sets us off. What is it that's triggering us in our relationship with our kids? Sometimes it's really tough memories and conditioning from our own childhood, but if we just are on cruise control, we don't have to deal with any of that. And many of us have gotten very skilled at avoiding dealing with that. So sometimes this practice of moving towards goals puts us face to face with some really hard things. And many of us, you know, we choose to just, you know, we choose to be in that comfortable cocoon that we've created, versus breaking through some of those really tough beliefs and memories and and trauma, right? That has been a part of our life. But if we don't get past that, if we don't get past that, there's only so much living that we're doing. And a lot of those things actually are our, our our automatic pilot, right? We are still, if we're still looking through the lens of, I'm a victim or trauma, or, you know, fill in the blank, then those things, not only were we hurt in our past, but we're continuing to let those things hurt us in our present. So to live the fullest, most authentic life, which I think I mean, is everybody on board with that? Because I am down with that. I am down with authentic living, and we have to make room for all of the experience of being a human, even the hard stuff, right? And so that, again, is where setting goals comes in, right? Deciding, and it's not like confronted All right. Now, you know, it's baby steps, right? It's baby steps, it's and sometimes it's like, two steps forward, one step back, three steps forward, two steps back, and that's there's no judgment, right? It's a meander. Sometimes it's not a straight path. And so for me, setting goals. What I've been doing the last couple of days is really thinking about first, what do I want from the year, and what's that going to look like quarterly, right? So there's some annual goals, three month goals, monthly goals, weekly goals. And the cool thing is, you might be thinking, Whoa, dude, that's a lot, but they're all are feeding into each other, like the things that I'm doing weekly are supporting and inspiring what I want to accomplish each month, each quarter, each each you know, for the year, it's not like separate things. They all build on each other, right? They all feed into each other. The baby steps I take along the way, again, are feeding into those bigger goals. And the annual goals are the container, right? That's what I just mentioned, the container. The results that I ultimately want are my annual goals. And it's not even like, yes, yay, goals. Set the goals. Write the goals down, put them somewhere. You can see them daily. But again, it's not about the goals. It's about the journey to the goals. It's about the journey, the journey to get there. It's about living the practice and going 100% Hey everybody, sorry for the interruption. I just wanted to pop in to highlight one of the joyful courage offers that I am so excited about. It's called Journey to joy. Journey to joy is a three part offer. Each module contains a video, audio and workbook to guide you in doing your work. You will increase your awareness around the areas you are feeling stuck, you know, the irritation that never seems to go away, the exhaustion, the guilt or shame that shows up so often when you've dealt with the challenges your kids bring on a regular basis, you will spend time exploring new choices, new ways of being inviting in the qualities that are missing, love, compassion, self acceptance and non judgment. You'll learn how to open up your body and allow these emotions in. You will create a practice for teaching your body and mind a new pattern, making this a new way of being that is more readily available when you need it. When you shift the dynamics in your being, you will shift the dynamics in your home. This offer is yours for $29 And all you have to do right now to begin is to head on over to joyful courage.com. Backslash joy. That's www, dot joyful courage.com. Backslash joy. I am so grateful for the ways that I get to serve you. You Hi,
my friend, Krista petty Ramer, who's been on the podcast before, she is the CEO of boldly embodied life. She has these really cool weekly bold notes that her company sends out every week, and they post it on social media and timely, of course, the most recent bold note that I read is called it just says 100% is easy. So I'm going to read you the blog post that goes along with that bold note, because I think it's really powerful in the context of what I'm talking about here with goals, and also in the context of parenting, 100% is easy. Anything less is hard. When 100% is alive, alive in intention, alive in commitment, alive in action, there is alignment and therefore ease. Really, I often hear it described as, oh, the universe was working with me, or this my all the stars were aligned. And while that might be true, it is born within 100% alignment, which opens the pathway and makes the passage smooth. 100% certainty, confidence, clarity over what's important 100% is to know there is no other alternative. It's simply this is happening. Anything less is hard. Even 98% is hard. There can be grueling effort, Grinding Gears, or an uphill feeling that can seem insurmountable. It is simply the indication that alignment is compromised. Let me be clear, not that the effort isn't there or the desire or the vision, but the 100% certainty allows the mindset that this is happening no matter what, and we can compromise what that 100% looks like with qualifiers things like, I don't think this is really going to work, but I'm going to try it anyway, right? I'm not sure I'm good enough for this. This probably won't matter anyway, or even simply, it would be great if the undermining of 100% can be done with doubt, judgment, disconnection, or anything that weakens the relationship to the outcome. Ego conversations are the termites of 100% 100% is easy when all the oars are rowing in the same direction, momentum builds on itself. When everything is devoted to the commitment, to the committed outcome. Whatever doesn't support it falls away. 100% is where attachment is released, because commitment takes up all the room. No back door. Simplifies the choices down to one. Go forward. 100% is easy. I love that. I really, really appreciate this bold note and this blog post, and if you are interested in bold notes, check out the link in the show notes, because I can take you there. But I love that right? 100% is easy. It's every moment of saying yes to the practice that we've decided to commit to. Another quote that I love, that actually I've put into my annual planner, because it's just, it just really speaks to my heart. Is from Marie Forleo, and she says, to be responsible, keep your promises to others, to be successful, keep your promises to yourself, right? Say yes to yourself. And then when we live that way, when we live at 100% when we're keeping our promises to ourselves, that then influences the entire ecosystem around us, right? And by ecosystem, I'm getting that. And you guys have heard me talk about Elsie Escobar. She's one of my podcast teachers. I love her, and she talks about the ecosystem of the podcast. Well, I'm talking about you as the leader in your family, right? You ultimately are the center of the ecosystem of your life and your family, and how you nurture that ecosystem is going to influence everybody, every person that exists inside of the ecosystem and what happens in a healthy environment, everything flourishes right and bounces back ever more easy. So say yes, influence your ecosystem. Be 100% right some of and so I want to share. Agree with you, because you're my people. Some of my goals for 2018 right? So the first is joyful courage and the business you all know how completely passionate I am about the work that I do, and what you're going to notice over the course of 2018 and beyond is an elevation with the programs that I offer in the podcast,
I want to look for ways for you to step into the work of joyful courage that feel good for you. Right? I am choosing this year to be my own sponsor, which means, instead of hearing me talk about products that have nothing to do with my work, you know, like last year, I talked about there was a couple different things that were sponsors, RX bars and my Lola. I'm not going to do that. I'm not going to work with companies that way to sponsor the podcast. Instead, what you're going to hear are short ads from me about things that you can purchase or invest in to support you. Right? So I'm going to be my own sponsor of the podcast, and I'm just going to be continuously working to streamline the exchange of service. So what I mean by that is, like this month, I'm going to be highlighting a program you've already heard the ad earlier in the show for my program called Journey to joy. This is a great step into the work of joyful courage. Yes, I have the membership, yes, I have personal coaching. Those are bigger investments. So I really want to look for small investments that you can make to get to know the work that I offer at a deeper level, right, and to support you, because it's all really powerful, helpful ways that we can level up in our relationship and the exchange of what it is that I offer to the world. My goals for my family this year, I have special time in bold right in all caps, special time so being vigilant about weekly family meetings. Small baby steps are small. Weekly dates with my kids and my husband, monthly, you know, full days, bigger dates, all with the intention of continuing to grow and be in connection with the people that I love the most. And then, personally, 2018 is a year of health, right? I am really fully committed to sacred mornings every day, growing my meditation practice, I am committing it to fueling my body with what it needs. My husband and I are going to do the whole 30 you're going to hear me talk about that 100% people and movement. My committed to yoga every day, whether it's 10 minutes in my house or an, you know, an hour and a half class at a studio, my commitment is yoga every day, moving my body every day. Because these are the things that I want to do to clean up my own personal ecosystem, right? I want to really tend to the soil of my ecosystem so that everything that comes out of it really is at its fullest expression and can be as with as much value as it as possible, right? And keeping in mind, right, always keeping in mind that mistakes, stumbling blocks, ebbs and flows, the pendulum swing. It's all part of the path, right? All of this is part of the path. So, practicing compassion, practicing commitment, coming back to what it is that I want most, right? And every time we bump up against one of those challenges, it's actually an opportunity to celebrate. It's actually one of those places of of saying, Hey, Woo, remember, remember what you wanted most. So yay. So we're gonna celebrate those things, those Wake Up Calls to being more intentional and always moving forward, right? We're always moving forward. So here's what I wanna know from Mia, what are your goals for? 2018 what will you be practicing daily? How will you support yourself in this important work? Do you want a community? Are you already a part of live in love with joyful courage? Are you in the membership go into if you're in live in love with joyful courage. I'm going to have a link in the show notes that will take you straight to the post where you can share what your goals are and what you're going to be practicing and what you feel inspired by in this conversation around looking at a new year, looking at new possibilities, new opportunities, right? I want to know what you are committed to this year, so check click that link in the show notes, and it'll take you straight there. Are Oh. And I also wanted to share my word of the year. Another gift from boldly and body life is that Krista and her team have put together this four part process of really narrowing down your word of the year again, the link will be in the show notes. I am all about gratitude this year, gratitude, gratitude, gratitude is going to permeate everything that I do, including signing off on my podcast. So today, signing off with so much love and gratitude for all you listeners, all of you that have become clients and dear friends. Love to you and all your family. I hope that you have an amazing, amazing transition into 2018 and I just can't wait to see all that we are going to accomplish together. Yay. So big, big love, and I'll be back next week. Joyful courage. Community, you're amazing. Big. Thanks and love to my team, including my producer, Chris Mann at pod shaper. Be sure to join in the discussion over at the live in love with joyful courage group page, as well as the joyful courage business page on Facebook and Instagram. Subscribe to the show through Apple podcasts, or really, anywhere you find your favorite podcasts, you can view the current joyful courage. Swag over at the webpage, intention, cards, bracelets, ecourse offers the membership program, one on one, coaching. It's all waiting for you to take a look. Simply head to www dot joyful courage.com/yes. That's joyful courage.com/y. E s to find more support for your conscious parenting journey. Any comments or feedback about this show or any others can be sent to casey@joyfulcourge.com I personally read and respond to all the emails that come my way. Reach out, take a breath, drop into your body, find the balcony seat and trust that everyone is going to be okay.
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