Eps 124: Conscious Communication with Lori Petro

Subscribe to the Podcast

Transcription

Casey O'Roarty 0:00
Music. Hey everybody, welcome to the joyful courage podcast, a place for information and inspiration on the conscious parenting journey. Conversations you'll hear on this show are all intended to offer you tools for moving forward, expanding your lens and shifting your narrative to one of possibility, connection and empowerment when we bring deep, listening, acceptance and courage to our relationships, we are doing our part to evoke it in the world. I am thrilled to partner with you on this path.

Oh my gosh. Episode 124 you guys, we did it. We made it to the end of the year. Holy moly, I can't believe it. I'm so excited to bring you one of my favorite returning guests for the show today. But before I do that, I just wanted to say that I love you, and I so appreciate each and every one of you, and I hope that you are having that you have had a beautiful holiday season and are really looking forward to the new year. I know that I am. I'll be back next week with some thoughts on this last year and some thoughts looking ahead, some goal setting, some intention setting. Can't wait to be with you again, and yeah, just thanks for showing up. Thanks for showing up, for you, for your family, for me, for this community, feeling really, really grateful. All right. My guest today is Lori Petro Laurie is passionate about conscious parenting, and you'll remember her as my guest way back on episode 62 where we talked about what conscious parenting means to her. She is an advocate for children and families, and Lori is a parent educator, a mom to a young daughter, and also the founder of teach through love, super excited she was willing to come back on the show. Hi Lori, welcome back.

Lori Petro 2:07
Hi Casey. Thank you for having me.

Casey O'Roarty 2:10
Will you please remind the listeners a little bit about your journey of doing what you do?

Lori Petro 2:16
I sure can. Gosh, what a journey, right? It keeps changing. My journey is just of being that misunderstood kid and and then, and then having a kid and saying, oh, okay, what do I do now? And no plans. No, I wasn't ready. I wasn't prepared, but I knew that I didn't want to live the same I didn't want my child to live that kind of childhood that I have, that I had rather and although it was very blessed with material comforts, I didn't have any good relationships. And so I think I've just been creating because I am a creator. I feel like I'm an artist at heart. And so my work has never been really about just trying to, like, be this educator, but really just create understanding, create compassion, create connections, and now create products that that help us communicate and be the kind of people and parents I think that we always hoped we had a lot of us and want to be, yeah,

Casey O'Roarty 3:22
well, I love that, like coming from a place of feeling misunderstood, and then really passionate about helping all of us to understand right, to understand our kids, to understand ourselves, love it and just to live

Lori Petro 3:36
like, live. I grew up really miserable, like I hate to say it, but I was an unhappy kid, and sometimes I go out in the world and I see unhappy families, and it just breaks my heart. It doesn't have to be that way. Yeah, and I don't think a lot of us, you know, we're living in such stressful conditions that maybe we don't realize that there are other options, or we don't have community, or it's just never been brought to our awareness. But I see moms and dads and kids struggling, and they're unhappy and they're yelling at each other and they're and it's all misunderstanding, like it's like not even big, big things or very small things that could be shift if you shifted into more positive actions, if we just had a little more compassion for ourselves first, and then we'd be able to sort of offer it to kids. But yeah, I'm a super sensitive person, so when I go out into the world, I really do feel and see all these emotions and people that are going on. So just aside from my own personal journey, I want a better world for my kid and for everyone to just, you know, live in

Casey O'Roarty 4:40
Yeah, the last time you were on, we talked about what conscious parenting means to you, and since we talked, you have been busy, been creating and yeah, and created a really amazing new tool for families called Conscious Communication cards. And. Before we get into that, tell me a little bit about what conscious communication means to you.

Lori Petro 5:07
So I think Conscious Communication, I my focus has always been on the way we talk to each other, just because that was my experience. It was very combative. It was very argumentative. I was always punished. So from when I think about conscious parenting, when I when I thought about the ways in which I could help and wanted to help, that was where I focused on the things that we said to each other and the things that were left unsaid. So conscious communication, the cards really came out of people wanting to like everybody says, you know, I understand this idea behind conscious parenting. I want to be empathetic. I want to speak with, you know, respect to my children, but how, what do I say? How do I say that? And everybody sort of had trouble translating and moving from blame, shame, judgment and guilt to being able to say the same thing, you know, setting the same boundaries, or impo, you know, imparting skills and abilities that we want our kids to have, but not being able to do it in a way that was I may have gone off on a tangent there and explained more, but for me, conscious communication is just staying present and speaking without blame, shame, judgment and guilt, and that's how the cards came about. Yeah,

Casey O'Roarty 6:26
I love that, and I really appreciate what you said about I mean, because I think we say things with words, and then we communicate messages, right? And so often with our tone, with our posture, yes, with our intent and and it's amazing to me, because just last night, I was working with a group of families of preschoolers, and we were talking about encouragement and and encouragement versus praise, and I found myself saying, so make sure that you understand this is not language to manipulate an outcome that you want. That's not That's not the What's this is about, and if that's how you use it, you will be frustrated, because this is about being in relationship with another human being and offering an opportunity for that human being to begin to feel those qualities and skills and that power inside of them that sell. You know that that elusive self esteem that we think we can just give to them, which no we can evoke it, we can offer experiences for them to discover it, right? But I really appreciate that, and and, and I find myself saying often, we're always sending messages, and it's so amazing when we start to realize, like, Oh, that was not the message that I meant to be sending. And our kids are really good at letting us know it's

Lori Petro 7:54
true. So, but sometimes they're not, or sometimes they're afraid to, or we miss it, right? So when we're I think that parents are on this conscious path, yeah, we try to be aware. It's hard, though, and we can, you can so miss things, and so if we could just hear it in our heads in a different way, then we can put it into our own words too. And I, like you, hit on it, so clearly, it's like parents are always doing to the children to try to get them to be this idea of a good person, or, you know, grown into a responsible, independent, thoughtful, you know, whatever we want at the end. But it's not the doing to it's not all the stuff we're saying. And it's really letting them have this experience, yeah, oh, I Oh, I have these angry feelings inside of me because I'm jealous that my, you know, brother gets to sit on your lap and I don't right, like that's such a nuanced experience, rather than just, you know, disciplining a child for, you know, whining or crying at your feet while you're trying to feed the baby kind of thing. Because we can simplify, right? We can so miss it and just feel like they're there's so much you just, you just hit on that, that piece that letting them have that experience, and sometimes, like, you need to move them out of their anger or out of their frustration. It's like, well, no, sometimes they just have to sit there in it,

Casey O'Roarty 9:13
right? Or just be, feel seen in it. Yes, right? Just exactly like, Wow, you're so angry right now. It's amazing to watch a kid who's all full, right, full of the tension and the rage and the rigidity and to have to have those moments where you say, Man, you are. You're so angry about this, and their little bodies just melt. Oh

Lori Petro 9:35
yeah, their show. The shoulders go. It's like, yes, you see me, just what you said. Finally, you see me, you hear me, you understand. I remember the first time I I think I really was practicing when my daughter was very, very young, and I remember her looking at me like, wow, you get it? Like it wasn't. It was suddenly not that she stopped. Her feeling immediately she didn't stop. Was the sadness or the anger or whatever it was, but it was this look of understanding, like she I got her, and she was getting that I got her, and that was such a feeling of just brought, I think, a piece to her, and a relaxation that she's able to then find on her own. So isn't that really just resilience that we get to, yeah, bring them when we let them have those those feelings and see them in it and validate it for them,

Casey O'Roarty 10:27
yeah. And then they get older, and you say that, and they're like, Yeah, my nearly 15 year old, but she's never been a big fan of my reflective, listening and validation. She's just like, one huge eye roll ever since, like, age three. But that's okay. She's my teacher. She's my daughter. She

Lori Petro 10:45
what? Yes, right? They are definitely there to provoke us into our own, you know, self awareness even more. Yeah,

Casey O'Roarty 10:53
and she and for her, with her, what she really provides for me is a continuous practice in checking my agenda at the door. Because if I'm gonna say, Wow, you're really upset about this, I have to really go in open. I can't go in like, Okay, I'm gonna calm her down by telling her that I see what's happening for her. Like, because she's like, Yeah, I am, yeah. So anyway, teenagers, loads of fun. Slash, slash. To the future. So listening, well, okay, so before I get into listening, so this is really timely, and, of course, a conversation that I've been having a lot with people in my membership and my clients, talking about listening to understand, rather than especially, you know if we're going to talk teenagers, which we'll see if we go there, rather than to fix judge or convince them, right? So in this like validating their emotions and seeing them, this is a practice that I have really been leaning into with my kids. What do you say? Opens up when we when we really sink into listening to understand

Lori Petro 12:04
this is so important. And I, as the mom of an 11 and three quarters year old, she would say those three quarters are very important. She's almost 12, and I totally she's switched now. She's totally this very self aware with and she always has been a, you know, very, like a kid who knows what she wants, but there's been like, this little switch, am I right? Is there like the switch that goes on that says I am suddenly this very, she's just an individual now that has a perspective that is so mature, and I have to, like every it's about everything. It's like, Can I wear lip gloss to the winter concert? Well, I could say

Casey O'Roarty 12:47
I miss lip gloss days, right?

Lori Petro 12:50
It seems so simple, but it seems like something simple that we can either say yes or no to, and those are the rules, and that's be why, because I'm the mom, and these are my rules, and you don't need to. And I could convince her and do all this by yes or no, but more importantly, to really grow that brain, if I lean in to understand her experience, I get to know so much more about about what it's like to be that almost 12 year old and trying on lip lip gloss for the first time, because that's really what it's about for her, is this new experience. And I think that when we don't try to understand first, we we end up sort of missing the fullness of the experience and their life and all of the little moments that add up to the, you know, the greater experience of their life, but it's an all these little, what could seem like inconsequential moments that I find it's the most important time to really understand, and not just when they're having, like, big feelings or, you know, issues with friends or things that we really think that we can help them through. It's like these little, tiny, I

uh, just these, I don't know. I feel like I would answer

Casey O'Roarty 14:12
your No, yeah. And it's making me think of, I think so often too, like those little things and they again. I'm, I'm thinking of my own daughter, who's a few years ahead. Is your daughter? Is she sixth grade?

Lori Petro 14:26
She's sixth grade. Is

Casey O'Roarty 14:27
that middle school?

Lori Petro 14:28
It is. She's in her school ends at sixth grade. So some of her friends went to, like, the middle middle school. So technically it is, but she's still in the same school. She's

Casey O'Roarty 14:36
got it, got it. So, yeah, so like what's happening now for me is crop tops.

Unknown Speaker 14:44
Oh yeah, it's

Casey O'Roarty 14:45
really fun. So you know the first response, yeah, the first response is, hell no, I don't want people looking at your belly button, right, you know? And noticing that quick. Quick, right? Noticing that quick response. And it's all about fear, right? It's all about fear of her being judged, or fear of me being judged, or fear of her being like, sexually assaulted. You know, we all go to like, the worst case scenario and paying attention to that. So that, for me, the practice is like, Oh, look at that. Quick. That's a perfect response. I

Lori Petro 15:24
know of noticing that, because you do, you have an immediate judgment to especially because it's something so mature, it feels like, and they're still, you know, it's like we have all of these ideas around it. But then what's the message that we send them with our quick response that they weren't even considering yet? Right? Because it's all our baggage and our conditioning that we have this idea around what the crop top means, and then, and then we're trying to empower young women. But how do we empower them without telling them that their clothes are are making them appear like it's such a there's so many confusing but that's my guy like, and it's so hard. It's much about our own understanding when we like, when we dive deep into understanding, instead of just reacting well and

Casey O'Roarty 16:09
you know, and to be honest, before she left in her cropped sweatshirt, which really only shows an about an inch between pants and sweatshirt. However, that's only when her arms are down. I was like, so keep your arms down. And I said, just remember, you know that this doesn't give anyone permission to touch you. And she was like, Yeah, I know, but I couldn't not say it, so I said it, and she rolled her eyes at me, and was like, Yeah, I know, Mom. I'm like, okay, great. Good talk. Probably sent messages that I didn't mean to there, and could have said a hell of a lot more and didn't. So I'm

Lori Petro 16:49
gonna come down, right? So that's the thing. It's not like, it's not about being perfect, like, oh, did I say the perfect? Right thing? It's about continuing the conversation and asking, like, my daughter's like, the makeup thing is really big right now. So, and then she and she, we had already had sort of, like, this general guideline about when out in public would be, like, I'm fine with her experimenting with things at home. And so now she's trying to push this line, but it's I'm wondering, or when I want to understand her better. I want to know why she wants to wear the like, why do you want to wear the crop top out there? Like, what does that? And why do you want to wear the makeup? And maybe I don't say it as directly as that, but it's like, tell me more about what, what this does, like, how it makes you feel, or what you think, or, because then it's, am I trying to be like my friends? Am I trying to be noticed? Am I trying to be like, we can go to the deeper need, because it's not really about the crop top, right? Maybe one kid is a super, like fashionista and has all these amazing ideas, and that's why what the crop top represents for them. But for another kid, it could be something completely different. Yeah, it could be a need to be recognized, and maybe that's where we want to understand more, so that we can help them make decisions right that they're comfortable with. So it still goes beyond like the makeup and the crop top, and if we use Conscious Communication, it invites conversation. Yeah, instead of just laying down the law and the limits, it still sets limits, but it opens up conversation and kids feel safe to have the conversations instead of feeling judged or put down or controlled. Because the minute my kid feels controlled, she starts to, oh yeah, react over, right, yeah. I mean any kid really. But some are quicker or more obvious in their rejection of that control. Some kids sort of, you know, just simmer underneath and maybe sneak around. And some kids are like, Oh no, you don't write to your face. And I have, like, the Oh no, you don't write to your face, kind of kid,

Casey O'Roarty 18:48
right? I have that. And I also am really aware of not wanting things to go underground, yeah. And a few things have and they don't last long, because she's not very good at underground, and she has a great group of friends that call her out. But you know, for the most part, and I going back to that listening piece, that conscious listening piece, and having those conversations to understand, just wanting to pull out of that, how important it is to not like okay, conversations to understand just is not the same as conversations where, in the end, you want them to understand your point of view such that they don't want to wear a crop top,

Lori Petro 19:34
right, right, like you said, the point is not to convince Right, right, right. That gets

Casey O'Roarty 19:40
that can get slippery, like sometimes we don't even realize what we're doing when we're doing it. I guess,

Lori Petro 19:45
definitely, yeah, because, yeah, you're right. And staying aware of our intentions and our agenda, like you said, she keeps you aware of your agenda.

Casey O'Roarty 19:54
Oh my gosh. Okay. Okay, enough about the crop tops. Sorry, everyone.

Lori Petro 20:00
We apply it to anything, you know, go into the mall by yourself, yeah, it's, I don't know if kids still go to the mall anymore, but we did when I was a kid, or just these, you know, these, when kids want independence, when they want to start making choices, and we're the ones that say we got a whole, you know, sometimes we yeah, we have to put the reins on and say, Oh, that's not a choice I can let you make, yeah, and sometimes we have to go, that's a choice you want to make, and I want to know more about what that's going to for you, how that makes you feel, what it's, you know, that's yeah, because definitely we have to be parents, like, obviously, it's interesting that we, you know, we let children make all the choices. And it's always about understanding there are definitely guidelines. So we have to, you know, really be aware of when it's our agenda of fear is clouding their experience of, you know, growing into their own maturity and making good decisions,

Casey O'Roarty 20:52
yeah, and making bad decisions and learning from them, yeah, yeah. I really appreciate that you said that, because I think sometimes conscious parenting and positive discipline. Positive Parenting gets a bad rap, because it's seen as one long negotiation and it's and I heard what you said, and sometimes the answer is, No, I love you, and here's the boundary, right? And even inside of that can be tell me about, you know, tell me about how it makes you feel. Tell me about how we can make this work. What's the Win? Win, you know? So, yeah, stepping up and in firmness is equally as important as connection

Lori Petro 21:28
exactly and being okay when kids are mad, yeah? Like, not if we get mad that they're mad about our decision, well, then we're just

Casey O'Roarty 21:35
like, we're just privy, aren't we? Like, that's

Lori Petro 21:36
why I'm the adult. I don't have to be upset that the child is upset, but you know that takes a lot of self care and compassion and self awareness. Yeah,

Casey O'Roarty 21:47
yeah, yeah, good. I have podcasts for that. People.

Hey, everybody just popping in to remind you that the 15% off discount for the living, joyful courage membership program is only available till the end of the month, and that is quickly approaching. If you are ready to seriously uplevel your parenting journey and you're ready to do what it takes to invest this is your offer. It is community. It is content. It is personal, access to me as your coach along the way, go to joyful courage.com/living-jc. That's joyful courage.com/l. I, V, ing, dash, JC, to register or just go to the joyful courage website and find it under offers on the navigation bar. Contact Casey at joyful courage.com. With any questions, excited to see you there. So communication is both the listening and the speaking. So tell us about your cards.

Lori Petro 22:58
The cards are so the cards are these.

Casey O'Roarty 23:04
I hear you holding them.

Lori Petro 23:06
I do. I'm holding I'm trying to see, like, what would I say about them? First there's so what I have done, the cards were just originally, just sort of these ideas that I would post on the internet every week. And then what we did was we had them redesigned to follow my behavior model. So whenever we're trying to figure out what behavior, what's really motivating the behavior, I like to look to three specific areas, stress, skills and support. So stress being Am I looking to help my child regulate? You know? Are they? Are they inflexible and reactive right now, they might be overwhelmed. They might need coping tools. So when we're because behaviors all have different, you know, root causes, and it may be any combination of one of these things, but stress is one thing. You know, do I need to regulate this child? First is that what my goal is, skills is, am I trying to help my child build an emerging skill like paying attention. Like young children don't have full, you know, the full ability to really regulate themselves and stop their impulses and stay, you know, attentive for long periods of time. So am I trying to build that, or am I trying to I know that my relationship, like my child's resisting, because our relationship is maybe been broken down somewhere, like, you know, did we have some arguing going on? So we look to those three different areas. So what I did is I in creating these cards, I separated them into those three. They're color coded by stress, skills and support. So when we're trying to figure out a situation, we can kind of look to one of those areas. And then the cards are divided into two sections, the actual communication cards. The top section shows us the behaviors and the words that we want to avoid, things that we commonly hear. You know, why do I have to say that over and over again? Or Can't you just follow your. It. How many times ask you all that stuff that we, you know,

Casey O'Roarty 25:03
our stuff that sounds super familiar, you know, we

Lori Petro 25:06
either have said it, or we heard it as children, or both, so and it tells us what to avoid. So sometimes we're like, Well, I don't say that, but we know that. Or we say, I don't know what to say in those, those heated moments, but the top part of the cards just tells us what we can avoid. So if what I'm about to say sounds like I'm blaming or making an assumption, don't say it. So we know to avoid challenge challenging our kids, you know, with you know, how many times do I have to tell you again? We don't really need an answer to that, right? So it doesn't really, it doesn't serve any purpose. It's just sort of us getting our anger out. So that's what the top section helps us do, avoiding judgment and then showing us how punitive consequences or demands or whatever we're using, guilt, blame it, use it ends up in a missed teachable moment. So then the bottom part of the card, there are examples of what to say, but also directions for what, because not every situation is going to call for some exact script. It is impossible to do that, but what we can do and what the cards, what I've designed the cards to do is help us figure out our own words by giving us some guidance. So the directions will say things like, notice what you see without judgment, share your experience, ask for contribution, cure it be you know, be curious, unconditional support. And then it will give you an example of things that you that you can say. So if we're noticing something without judgment, it's not how many times I have to tell you to clean up this room, but maybe I noticed your clothes were left on the floor. Like simple state, what you see without judgment? Yeah,

Casey O'Roarty 26:50
I love that. We call that in positive discipline. This is just what we were talking about last night. We just call that descriptive encouragement, and there's no judgment. And it could either be you put your clothes away, or you didn't put your clothes away, but either way, it's simply seeing, saying what you see. Yeah, exactly. Love it exactly.

Lori Petro 27:08
So it really takes that negative tension out of the conversation. Because we go in armed, ready for a battle. Our kids are pretty good at letting us you know, well, either leading us into battle or letting us know that you know

Casey O'Roarty 27:25
they're up for the fight. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, exactly. So

Lori Petro 27:29
the bottom section will show us how to shift our perspective and provides ideas for what we can say. And then in the actual cards, I've also provided target cards. So those are, like I said, the stress support and skills, it shows you what you're looking for. Like, how do I know what the root cause is? Well, the target cards help you identify where that behavior is coming from. And then my five steps for peaceful conflict resolution. There's a card in there to outline that as well, so you can sort of know, like, Okay, well, what do I do first? You know, I am all my kid is doing this. I don't know what to do. Well, take a moment and just breathe, yeah, and get yourself centered. You know, practice mindfulness, because that's how we go in and sustain what we see without judgment, right? Yeah, and give you these five steps to help just guide you in that process. Essentially got it

Casey O'Roarty 28:19
and so.

So have you had so some decks have been made. Have you had any test runs? What are the How are the parents using the cards? What are the ways that they're using it like in the daily is it have a conflict, sprint to the cards, shuffle around till you find what you need, which I can see as a really good mindfulness tool, like and I'm gonna take out my cards.

Lori Petro 28:48
I know, you know, I think if you have like a young a young child or somebody that's distracted, you might wander over to that pack of cards and pick them out. But I think most parents so I've been using, doing these cards and giving them away as a PDF for years. People have been printing them from the internet for years, and that's really how the cards came about. It was by other parents giving me the feedback. So some people would just post them around. Because again, every situation, even though there's, you know, 45 different scenarios on each card, they can really be molded and applied to many different scenarios. Yeah? So people will hang them on the refrigerator, and so they're kind of just like a quick go to because it's, you know, you don't know what to say, but you look and you see, just share your experience, or just be curious, you know, so or prompt with a question. So instead of, you know, go get your shoes on, you might say something like, Okay, we've got five minutes, where are your shoes? And we prompt the child to start looking, instead of, you know, activating their, you know, stress response by yelling at them again, where are the shoes, kind of thing. And so you might hang them on the fridge. Some people do sit with them at the end of the day and just sort of review them, because they'll be inspired by some of this job. Happened today. It's kind of like, you know, you look at a card, you go, Oh, where was this card five minutes ago when I needed it? And so reviewing them at the end of the night just gives you ideas to help shift your thinking. Because, again, it's not about scripts. It's not about memorizing what's on the cards. It's about practicing and getting into the habit of approaching situations from a different perspective, like you said, going back to the relationship, how do we keep this relationship intact?

Casey O'Roarty 30:29
Well, I really appreciate that, because I find, especially in the last couple of years, I've become really aware of the feedback around Yeah, I love your classes. I love this. I read this blog and this, and when I'm in it, I'm in it so fast that I forget about all the tools. And so what I'm hearing you talk about is, you know, a daily check in, right? First of all, like that, having it front of mind as often as possible when you don't need it is only going to support you when you do. But also, you know, I've been talking about minding the gap. So the gap being the gap between the event or the experience, the challenging moment, and our response. And it feels like a split second, but it is a split second, and we can grow it. And what you said earlier, you know, finding your calm, finding your center, using mindfulness. And what I love about mindfulness is not the practice of it when I need it, but the daily ritual of it, so that when I do need it, it becomes more available to me. Yeah,

Lori Petro 31:44
and it's definitely a practice, and it's not something that, if you are not, if you're a very reactive person, or you're or you've been in a toxic, stressful environment for a long time, it you're not going to shift immediately into being emotionally available. It's just so I just want and it doesn't mean you never can, right? I don't want parents to get frustrated think, Oh, well, I can't do that. Well, how do you do I just doesn't work for me. That doesn't work for me or my kids. And it's it takes a pro, you know? It takes time to repair relationships, to build connection, to calm ourselves, to learn to stay present, but it really does get easier, if I can. As a testament to this work, I grew up with absolutely no real ability to self regulate at all. I didn't even know what it meant so and now I'm so I feel so capable and so empowered, and my kid and I like, I still yell, and I still,

Casey O'Roarty 32:44
oh, we all like to hear that. Lori, thank you. Yeah, totally, I'm

Lori Petro 32:49
like, not I, that's why I do it, because I need to practice so way better than I ever, ever, ever would have been had I not been doing this work. Yeah, a long time before I even started parenting. Thankfully for my my kid is on the blessed end of that, but thankfully I was doing this work before then, because I didn't I had no real self control when I got angry like that. So it's been a huge journey for me, and it's it keeps me on my wear and on my toes, because my kid will call me out as well and be honest, being that she is, I don't take offense to it now I can actually say, You know what, you're right and take that time or apologize to her when it's necessary, which I never heard as a kid. Nobody ever apologized to me, right? You're getting upset,

Casey O'Roarty 33:46
yeah, and I'm I'm loving this piece, because, for anyone listening, and I know that you're out there because you've sent me messages and posted in the group where it feels like there is no space and you are just this reactive, explosive person. Know that? I mean, our brains never stop developing, yeah, and we can always learn new skills, and it requires a commitment and a daily practice and a choosing in and and it's not always easy. And even when you are in the practice, like you said, Lori, you know, you're you still have the not great moments. I still have not great moments. And, and the difference now being and the different model that I'm providing is I own it, you know, I go back and I own it, and I and I make amends, and I make repairs with my kids and and that too is important to model, because, you know, I have, I know a gal who was telling me years ago about her husband's parents were they never, they're just like these perfect people who never have any emotional. All outbursts, and are always this joyful, happy, seemingly perfect, emotionally regulated humans. And I thought, Gosh, that must have been so sad for the child, because, like, what's wrong with me that I have all of these emotions and my humans, my people, my parents don't yeah, that's how I make that's how I make myself feel better. Is like they get my children get the entire tapestry of human emotions modeled for them, including owning my shit when I fall apart and and, like you said, it's fewer and farther between now than it ever has been because I'm committed to the practice. Yeah, so what are some things that you do, like, what are some of your rituals, routines that support you in your consciousness, around parenting and humaning?

Lori Petro 35:56
Balancing? My life is, I think, a constant learning experience for me, but when I'm not overworking, and when I'm not avoiding work because I don't know what else to do or it feels too overwhelming, that's when I'm like my best human to interact with all people in general. So for me, it's really about keeping that balance. I meditate a lot. When I don't meditate, I feel edgy and I don't and things, everything's just easier. I can take obstacles and conflict and it just rolls off my back as long as I meditate, and I've built up my meditation practice from like five minutes a day to almost an hour a day. And that's that's aggressive over probably though eight or nine year, maybe five or six, maybe five or six year journey of, you know, meditating, and then not and then stop it and but now if I have to do at least 20 minutes, but I usually try to do two sessions of, like, 30 minutes a day. I love it. And sometimes I'll just turn on before I even get out of bed. I'll pop in my earbuds and I'll do a meditation, because then I don't, because I'm one, like, I'll start my day and be like, yeah, it's okay. I don't need to get to it, yeah. But things go so much smoother for me. It's really and maybe because I've been practicing for so long too, it's the daily it's all that daily mindfulness. So it's not necessarily things I do in the moment, right, but in the moment, if I have to stop myself, sometimes I'll be like, talking to myself. I'll be like, I know don't want to say this, but I've got to say it anyway, to stop but just walking out of the room getting a glass of water or something. You know, just separating myself from what is overstimulating me and angering me at that moment is probably my best resource. Just walk away and keep breathing. We tend to stop breathing when we get into those moments. Yep, I

Casey O'Roarty 37:59
hold my breath. I it's those moments are like, it's like, a huge inhale for me, I notice I'm like, and then I don't breathe out,

Lori Petro 38:07
right? And so our brains are told, I mean, we can't, can't keep everything working when we're not breathing right, everything needs to. So those are some of my things. But I think just a daily practice of finding, you know, a balance, so that you're not so over stressed. Now there's obviously stressors that we can't avoid, and times that are going to be more stressful, like right now The holidays are like, hello, seven, 50 million things to do, and that can be really stressful, or feeling like we don't have enough because of these times, it's also such a stress I feel like, on families at this time, or, you know, feeling like we have to buy gifts and or not everybody goes through that. But I think it's a it's definitely something that the parents in my community go through, for sure.

Casey O'Roarty 39:01
Well, yeah, like even when the neighbor comes over with cookies and a card, I It's so kind, and then I think, Gosh darn it,

Lori Petro 39:07
I doing enough. Now do

Casey O'Roarty 39:08
I have to make cookies? I love you. I love you. Kendra, my next door neighbor, all the yummy things that you said my way. Lori, I had the same feeling the last time I talked to you, we are soul sisters. I wish that you lived in my new I wish you were my other next door neighbor.

Lori Petro 39:26
It's always so easy with you, my dear.

Casey O'Roarty 39:29
Thank you so so much for coming on and talking to me about all the things that we talked about. Do you have any final thoughts for the listeners,

Lori Petro 39:42
I think my let's just talk about my new year's intention is really just to not do things that my heart doesn't want to do, to really just find the joy. Full courage. Shall we say? Oh, nice, right, really. Because I feel like you asked me one time what that means. I feel like it's evolving though. So every year it'll be different, and it's just or maybe it was the same. I don't even remember the last time what I said, but I feel like it's to not not do anything because I feel like I should was guilted into it, or because, because, then I'm not doing it because I want to do it. I'm doing it because I think less of myself, and I'm trying to move out of any kind of victim thinking, or less than thinking. Part of the whole reason I do my cards is because I feel like we need to all up our feelings of self worth in ourselves as parents, and then, you know what we that's what we can offer to our kids. So that's, yeah, that's joyful

Casey O'Roarty 40:52
courage. Love it. Thank you. Well, where can listeners find you? Follow your work, find your cards. Or should they go?

Lori Petro 41:01
They can go to teachthlove.com or teach through love on Facebook. We do a lot of you know, posting and talking and chatting and videos and stuff on there, so easy to find on the web. Yay.

Casey O'Roarty 41:11
And listeners, I'll make sure those links are in the show notes. Lori, thank you so much for taking time during this busy season to come and chat with me. I really appreciate it. Thank

Lori Petro 41:21
you so much for having me back.

Casey O'Roarty 41:29
Joyful courage community. You're amazing. Big thanks and love to my team, including my producer, Chris Mann at pod shaper. Be sure to join in the discussion over at the live in love with joyful courage group page, as well as the joyful courage business page on Facebook and Instagram. Subscribe to the show through Apple podcasts, or really anywhere you find your favorite podcast, you can view the current joyful courage swag over at the webpage, intention cards, bracelets. Ecourse offers the membership program, one on one, coaching. It's all waiting for you to take a look. Simply head to www dot joyful courage.com/yes. That's joyful courage.com/y. E, S, to find more support for your conscious parenting journey. Any comments or feedback about this show or any others can be sent to Casey at joyful courage.com. I personally read and respond to all the emails that come my way. Reach out, take a breath, drop into your body, find the balcony seat and trust that everyone is going to be okay.

See more